24 December 2007


Yes no whinging or whining or negativity or bitchiness....the xmas spirit finally bit me :-)

Hope you all have a wonderful day!


Awww shit who am I kidding....I couldn't help myself....


23 December 2007

Life sucks & then you die!

Just found out my mums cancer news is not good.
She probably won't make it through the year. She is starting Chemo again in January, but the dr isn't really positive about her body coping with it. It's at the point where if the cancer doesn't kill her, the treatment probably will.
I just spoke to her, and in all honesty, she sounded like shit! Tired and old....... My step father isn't coping well apparently, he's always been the upbeat, positive, stereotypical Aussie Larrikin. I think reality has hit, and he is a broken man. I didn't get a chance to speak to him, but I spoke to my sister K, and she told me everything.
There is soo much shit going on in my family. 2 estranged daughters. Nasty stuff. Stuff that needs to be sorted. Sad shit! If they can all just get past the anger & hurt, maybe it isn't too late...but I'm afraid it may be too late....for 1 sister anyway.....
After much indecision, I decided today, prior to getting the above news, I wouldn't go to mums for xmas day. For a few reasons.....the main being resistance from the ArseHole...2ndly J has come down sick today, I think it may be what E had a week ago, so could well last up to a week & may get worse in between (not great for a 6+ hour drive), 3rdly E's b'day is on 1/1 and her fandangle present is in getting repaired (hopefully), so I kind of have to stay put to find out what's going on with that. If I go to Albury, I need to stay at least a week to make it worth it. And 4thly....finally....I have my gyno appointment on the 7th....to see if AH has infected me from his romping with trollops! I had to wait 7 weeks for the appointment, I really don't want to wait another 7.
Gosh! that all sounds rather shallow!
I will be going down, but most likely in the 2nd week of Jan. That is when mum starts treatment. She most likely won't be sick from the first lot, so that should be OK. (Oh and by that I don't mean I don't want to be there to look after her, it's more that the kids can be quite taxing on her, and she doesn't need that IYKWIM.
At some time in the next few days I need to ring and try & reason with the 2 'estranged' sisters...sigh....
Right now I need to go wrap some presents now the kids are asleep. Turn on my xmas lights to try and get some semblance of peace & joy. I had apathy towards xmas before....now any spirit that was tucked deep down inside has been drained completely....and here I was thinking 2008 had to be better.....
At least I've been put in my spot!
I can live with no air-con in the car, a dodgy washing machine, an AH for an EXH.....my mum....well that's another story....despite all our differences......OK getting teary now....time to move on and focus....just for the next few days....

Hug your loved ones!

22 December 2007

Bow to my cake making prowess!

Yay it's party day!

Here's E's cake....

I think it was the easiest one I've ever done...she's happy, so I'm happy!

And J's from his 7th party in September.... (because I was a slack mum and never got around to posting it)

This was HARD...well more time consuming, than difficult. When I finished it I waltzed outside for a well deserved ciggie and glass of wine, only for AH to stick his elbow in Barts head!!!! Oooooh I was SUCH a happy camper THAT night! And apparently I had no right to go off...pfft...and trust me, I contained myself as the kids were around, so he got lucky, I didn't say a 100th of what I was REALLY thinking! I did fix it. But it was difficult as AH had a rare attack of domesticity and washed up all the icing bowls (you know the ones you keep in case of an accident)..... Positive is he isn't here to ruin this one ;-)

Best go, and get prettied up, need a coffee first.....


21 December 2007

I crack myself up!

The kids have been collecting paddle pop sticks for the lick-a-prize. They have HEAPS but not a full word.
J was showing his dad how many they had, and I was standing near him...
J: "look dad, we've nearlly got a holiday"
AH: "yeah, that's great!"
J: "see we've got heaps of 'ho's" as he shuffles the sticks.....
Me: sniggering :"Yeah heaps of Ho's" BIG CHEESY GRIN AT AH

Then another conversation where J was showing AH a xmas card he received at school...
J: "Look I'll read it.... HO HO HO....Merry Christmas"
Me: giggling madly....
Confused look from AH
Me: "Don't you get it....HO HO HO.....maybe you should get some, Santa's so jolly"

That's about all from me ATM, I'm so exhausted I could puke!

Have to make E's b'day cake but it's soooo damn hot here right now, the icing will melt....so I think it's gonna be a late one again! I'm a real smart woman, planning my daughters b'day party 3 fucking days before xmas, and I'm sooooooooo behind on xmas because of all the shit with dickwad. I don't even know if I've got everything...

Oh and fucking Murphy's back! On the hottest day we've yet had this summer, my fucking air con in the car goes!!!!! I ring around like a mad woman, but everyone is closing early, for drinks.....for like 3 weeks....so I have to sweat my arse off in a Sydney heat wave.
We won't even mention the washing machine, or the total fuck up with my daughters birthday present....another fucking post I think I will dedicate to Murphy! (scum-sucking arse hat that he is!) Gawd that will be long!

2008 has GOT to be better!


16 December 2007

Another nephew :-)

Calwell came 1st in NSW/ACT
2nd in the nationals.
He is hard to find, but at the start he is the far right, front row....with the crew cut....he's a mad krumper ;-) (probably spelt that wrong....I am just an uncool aunty afterall...). The ACT has unreal dance opportunities for boys...Hip/hop....Funk....
I saw him live when they competed and the judges were just gushing.....was awesome :-)


11 December 2007

My nephew is the tall boy with the big hair :-D


Hope that works :-)

Gosh! U would think I was anti-men or something....

A woman just gave birth to a baby in a hospital.

As soon as she’d recovered, the doctor came to speak to her:

“Your baby is in good health, but there’s something important I need to tell you….”

The woman became worried:

“What’s the matter with my baby,…..tell me please, what’s wrong?”

“There’s nothing really wrong, but your baby is a little…..different. He’s a hermaphrodite.”

“Hermaphrodite??? What is that???”

“Well….. it means your baby is….that he has all the equipment of a man and also that of a woman!”

The woman pales.

“OH MY GOD!!!!”
“You mean he has a penis AND a brain?”

03 December 2007


LOL my gorgeous sister sent me this.....I am SOOOOOOOOO tempted to send it to the ARSEHOLE!

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. Announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Edited to add: OOps I sent it to the arsehole.....he majorly pissed me off tonight!!!! I have told him again and again, do not speak to me yet he chooses do so~ sigh ~ so he deserved it. My name : Myhookaneedsahardwun, Myprodusintchargebythaminit, MyhoIpaybythahour, Bygrogitsflatbyviagitsnot..... OK so not very creative tonight ;-)
But I did try!
And what's the bet I wake up in the middle of the night with THE.BEST.NAME.EVAH!
Then I'll fall back asleep and forget!


29 November 2007

and it has happened.....


Until now I didn't feel hate....but I do now!

Fucking arsehole wants to be here xmas morning....*let* me have them for a few hours and then have them all afternoon and evening!!!! With HIS family....whilst I sit here and fucking rot!


I can't reply to his email yet as I'll just go ballistic!

I hope his dick falls off & he rots in hell!

26 November 2007

My old friend insanity whispered in my ear...

I found the Viagra on Thursday 1/11/07
I found the cold hard evidence on Friday 2/11/07
I didn't expect finding it to be so easy. I honestly thought I'd be searching for months...at least weeks....but it was easy....and had actually been staring me in the face for over a year. I really believe I weren't MEANT to find it until now. A year ago I was a mess. I was housebound from the agoraphobia, and was struggling to keep my head afloat, I was in the worst depression, and was in no state to do ANYTHING if I had known the truth.
Those 10 days, from when I found out, but he had no idea, to the day he left for his work trip, are all a bit of a blur. I rememeber my anxiety was sky-high....I remember realising I hadn't left the house for days, except for school runs, which were getting harder & harder...I realised I HAD to leave the house. I FORCED myself to go shopping...it was awful....like the early days, but I knew it was something I had to do. I was in regular contact with 2 of my sisters, and my best buddy. It eventually got easier.
I remember driving somewhere at one stage, and I literally thought I had lost my mind! I was just driving aimlessly, no idea where I was going or what I was doing, I was at the brink....I was going to somehow drive to Westmead Psych unit and admit myself. I didn't though. But it crossed my mind a few more times.
Those first few days I was desperate for him not to know what I knew, and my efforts resulted in us having discussions like we hadn't in years. They were great talks....the very thing I've craved in our sorry marriage....but they were FAKE! I even felt sorry for him a few times....but mostly I was sad & angry.... my sister thought I was developing Tourettes(sp?) syndrome...as every time he spoke to me I would SCREAM "HOOKER" in my head, and quite often I would reel back..."Fuck did I say that out loud?" LOL
My anxiety did me in a few times....I would cope with the day quite well, but the thought of him coming home did my head in! And then when he was here, I found it increasingly difficult to play happy families. I opted for easy meals & take away, which meant I didn't have to sit across a table from him, I could barely stomach any food anyway! I burnt or ruined nearlly every meal I did manage to cook too....lol
I lost 5kgs!
He was supposed to leave on Tuesday 13th, but he left on Monday....Holy Fuck was I relieved! I didn't care why? I just knew every day he was there with me knowing and him having no idea, but *maybe* finding out...was sending me closer & closer to the edge!
I went out for Melbourne Cup....which resulted in me not being spoken to for near a week, because Joe's cousins, aunties sisters, nieces, best friends dad's uncles mother said that a 50 year old guy said that I looked like a famous swimmer!!! Yeah...great logic in that one!
(I had a great day though....despite not being picked up by a 50yr old...and it did me the world of good!)
WE fought BIG before he left...and I often brought up..."are you hiding anything?" "How long since you've had sex?"....without actually saying I KNEW anything.......and I've never claimed he was the brightest of the species....but he was clueless....but still denied everything, and repeatedly told me HE was innocent of all wrong doing!
I mean there is DUMB & DUMBER....but where the fuck does he come in......Patrick?
See Spongebob squarepants if you don't understand. ROFL
And if you have a dumber reference...please let me know....Cos whatever braincells the man has left is sure to be sucked up my his next drink....or shot out with his next hit of Viagra with a twist of HOOKER!

Note to others....If you have a panic attack in the limo as it's pulling up to the church for your wedding...take it as a SIGN!


22 November 2007

The whole sorry story......

Well I am officially seperated, and a single mum wiff 2 kids......
On the 1st November DickHead went to work as per usual but left his laptop bag behind. His laptop was at work so he obviously didn't miss it. I decided to have a gander to see if his "secret credit card" statements were in there....Racking up $3000.00 a quarter on what???? But what did I find?? Yes I found some reminders from the secret credit card, but no statements...sigh...then I felt something in an area that didn't seem to have a pocket...ooooh a hidden pocket....ooooh VIAGRA!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! The last time we were "together" was February...yes we have a truckload of issues....the prescription date was August 17....hmmmmm....3 out of 4 were gone....hmmmmmmm!
I ring my sister, shaking like a leaf....she says "Fred doesn't have the emotional maturity to carry on an affair" Good Point!
I don my detectives hat....I probably shouldn't say exactly what I did to find out....but BOY DID I FIND OUT! THE ARSE HAT HAS BEEN FUCKING HOOKERS FOR OVER A YEAR!!!! And who knows what else...or for how long....my records are limited. And what FUCK-KNOB BUYS VIAGRA TO FUCK A HOOKER!!!!! yeah a LOSER!!!!
As my psych said....he could have saved himself a mint on viagra if he'd stopped the 1 + bottle/s of scotch a day!!!! Fucking Moron!

I didn't know what to do or how to do it, so I said nothing! My previous attempts at leaving the marriage were met by threats, aggression & intimidation....I had to have a plan!

So we played happy family's, we ate too much "easy" food & take away, as the thought of sharing a table with him made me physically ill. We even went out to lunch with the kids at a pub, and he was wondering why my anxiety was sky-high. Every time he tried to kiss me, my skin crawled, and I had a mini-chuck! He even suggested we have sex (full blown vomiting that night I tell ya *shudder*). My 'moment' came though. He was going away for a whole week for work....a whole week! Hallejulah! I need a plan.

I had Homer Simpson moments...where I thought I had said out loud what I thought LOL that was funny.........

I spent my days organising who I had to speak to, making phone calls, gathering evidence, gathering support & spending as little time alone with him as possible! We had a huge fight the night before he left and I was soooooo tempted to just blurt it all out, instead it went like this...mid-fight...can't remember what started it....
F: "We haven't had sex in months, you won't even sleep in the same bed"
Me: "I wonder why" (Fat slob alcho selfish fuckwit)
F: " because I stink & I snore?"
Me: "Yep and you reek of alcohol" (ahhhh HOOKER!!!! arsehat!)
F: "We haven't had sex in 10 months!!!"
Me: "You haven't had sex in 10 months?" (FUCKING DISEASE RIDDEN MONKEY ARSE)
F: "Well 9....maybe 8...."
Me: "So YOU are telling me YOU haven't had sex in 8 months?" (SCUMSUCKING GUTTER SNAKE)
F: "Yeah well....8 or 9"
Me: *quietly* "Not 2 or 3" (Hope your fucking DICK falls off numbskull)
F: "What....3??? No what are you talking about?"
Me: " Why all the secrecy and paranoia lately?" (Should I cut your balls off with a blunt rusty knife first....or start with circumcision?)
F: "What are you talking about, we discussed this it's nothing"
Me: "So you've got nothing to hide?" (HOOKER!!!!)
F: "No, don't be silly"
Me: "So you can promise me that you are hiding NOTHING?" (HOOKERHOOKERHOOKERHOOKER)
F: "Yeah I promise...nothing"
Me: "OK fine" (FUCKWIT! You have fucked with me for the LAST time........hmmmm circumcision would be best.....nail clippers or the kids blunt craft scissors....decisions...decisions...HOOKER...ARSEHAT! )

:-D Bugger..... Arsehat now makes me smile....Damn you Kelly!

To be continued.....

12 November 2007


Been AWOL lately....
Heaps of shit has been happening, I am married to a fucking arsehole, and it has taken ALL my strength just to get through each day sane....I'm still hanging on, but things are likely to get worse before they get better!
I would write more detail, but I seem to have a reader, and I'm paranoid it's HIM. I doubt it....but I have to think of every possibility!
I'm on the home stretch now.....well the home stretch of this phase!
Give me strength and patience to get through this nightmare!
Did I mention DH is a fucking arsehole? If not...he is!
He is away for work ATM, thank god!

23 October 2007

Menu Plan

As usual 2 easy + 2 takeaway.

  1. Spag Bol with dinner rolls
  2. Creamy tuna + basil Penne (new)
  3. Homemade Pizzas
  4. BBQ + salad (I generally choose meat that is on special)
  5. Chicken Burritos
  6. Roast Chook & veg
  7. BBQ + salad
  8. Spag Bol with garlic bread (I usually cook a double batch and freeze half)
  9. Chicken + Basil Fried Rice (new)
  10. Chicken Salsa + mashed spuds + veg

I have 2 new ones this week, trying to find inspiration through cookbooks. Also I really want to incorporate some fish into our meals, my kids have declared they hate tuna, even though I'm pretty sure they haven't tried it, but they love pasta, so I'll try and sneak it in that way :-) When I buy a chook to roast, I get a HUGE one, so the fried rice is a way to use the leftover meat, in a different way than the usual pasta bake I do.

We'll see how we go :-)

A also caved into my week long craving for sour cream yesterday.....lunch is cooking now and I can't wait to smother it in sour cream, mmmmmmmmmmm

Will start my diet tomorrow........bwahaha!


19 October 2007

Is this my lot in life?

No I don't want to whinge.....and I'm no angel....I just want OUT!

Today was one of my house cleaning days, it's also the day I take the kids out for coffee, which is a nice ritual. Don't be under any illusions that we have D & M's, they usually involve them racing to see who can finish their drink first, and how many freebies they can get out of the shop-owners.....Whilst I enjoy my drink as much as possible, and try and extract some talk out of them lol. They make the best Mochas though :-) And the kids agree about their hot chocolates!
So Fridays are quite nice. Clean & Sparkly house, happy kids and happy mum!

Then HE arrives! He was late tonight, arriving about 6pm. Kids in bath, dinner cooking, sparkly house....all the things apparently important to him (Won't even go THERE right now).
But somethings up. He doesn't grab a drink. The thought goes through my mind that maybe...just maybe...he has chosen not to drink. I know we have money in the bank.....but that other thought is running through my mind.....He's had his fill already......What's coming next?

For the amount he drinks & for the time he's been drinking, and the time we've been married, I STILL cannot always tell if he's been drinking......Probablybecause he is always drinking.......

All we've said to each other thus far is hello....which is normal.....

As I'm finishing dinner I get the occasional glimpse of him in the lounge watching TV, one eyed, his flashing beacon to say he's full. Plus he still hasn't got a drink. Plus he keeps looking at me as if he wishes me dead.

At 6.30pm ( dinner was a bit late), I hear him telling DD to go to bed (????? their bedtime is 7.30-8.00 on a school night????). She laughs & says they haven't even had dinner yet, but he persists for a bit longer then gives up, and falls asleep (passes out).
Dinners ready so DD wakes him....I wish she didn't....he eventually staggers to the table, starts slamming stuff, shoving his food down his throat like a fucking caged animal. I keep my eyes lowered, I do not want to look at him. After he finishes eating he gets up and say he'll do the dishes in the morning...I said 'no worries, I'll finish them off, they are mostly done anyway'. Which was true, I didn't care, and as I'd washed as I went, there were only really the things we were using at the dinner table.
So he glares at me, muttering under his breath, and starts on the dishes, making as much noise as possible, and throws the dish cloths across the kitchen???? WTF!!!!!!!
Then he collapses on the lounge again to watch tv one eyed again.......The kids and I are still eating. (Gawd this gets my goat....I think it's so fucking rude! But that's another whinge.....)
After dinner & clean up, I had given the kids their normal 10min warning till bed, then went outside (I smoke). Next, I hear DH telling them to go to bed.....sigh...here we go..... Anyway the kids tell them they still had 10 mins, this goes back and forth a bit....Then he ROARS "WHO"S THE BOSS?"
The kids reply, in unison "MUM"
ROFL I did giggle for a minute on THAT one.....I have taught them well!
He gave up after that and retreated to his lounge & one-eyed TV watching, before passing out....before the kids 10mins were even up.

God is it any wonder I'm FUCKED UP! The uncertainty of which DH is coming home, drives me bonkers. I hate days like today the most I think, it raises my shackles when he doesn't get a drink as soon as he walks in the door, and I feel like I'm just waiting, and waiting, and trying not to set him off.

The kids are asleep now + I can relax a bit as he should be down for the count now. He'll wake up, but he'll grab his bottle of water and toddle off to bed.

Poor Mr Perfect, he's got it sooo tough. Yeat his drinking isn't an issue as he "is still productive". Productive at what though? Bringing in an income that can barely support his habit? Good for him! His marriage is a shambles, and there is nothing 'material' to show for all his hard work. He's only fooling himself.
And one day I WILL be strong enough to move on.
And one day his kids will realise that snippets of attention, random gifts, and their parents staying together at all costs don't add up to much in the grand scheme of things!


18 October 2007

Shitty Day


It's 11am and I've only just been able to get myself to have a shower. I hate days like today. From the second my eyes opened I've been ultra anxious. Hate it! Days like today I actually want to have an anxiety attack, cos I just feel like I'm pent up to the point before climax, and the waiting, and the crazy thinking, and the jumpiness, and the internal screaming is just seconds from pushing me over the edge. But of course if you want a panic attack, it never comes! So I feel like I'm stuck at that awful phase, where it doesn't wane, but it won't peak either!

This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

I need a plan, the house needs some work, and although that won't quell my anxiety, it will be a distraction, give me a small feeling of control, and will stop the "done nothing but pace the house guilts".

So first...
Finish my Morning Routine.
Wash the frypan, that DH apparently washed last night, grrrr

Then my Thursday stuff......lets see......
*computer maintenance
*ALL rubbish out
*change sheets...that can wait...it's too late and looks like rain.
*Filing....I think finding the computer desk would be a better use of my time.

I also NEED to do some relaxation.

I also need to, but not necessarily today...
*Open new ING account
*Download Ricki Lees new song to ipod for DS
*Find the camping recepts
*Find DS shinpads.

I really WANT to curl up in a ball and go to sleep, for a week or so :-(

First a cuppa.....
K xx

15 October 2007

ahhhhh the tranquility.....

Kids went back to school today and I did a little happy dance on the way home after drop-off :-) Then I came home and pumped up music with bad language, just cos I could, and cleaned!!!!
The holidays actually went well, and I miss them now....well a little bit lol
I actually did normal mum stuff, I did have to push myself, and I had quite a few about-to-lose-my-mind-strip-off-naked-and-run-down-the-street-screaming moments, and there were many fights & arguments & and me being told how awful I am, but apart from that, It was great :-D

First week we headed off camping down to beautiful Jervis Bay with my 2 sisters & and their kids. DH ended up coming too. But we all had a great time......our feet have ingrained dirt that I'm not sure will ever go away....but it was worth the feral feet. Kids had a blast catching crabs, going to the beach, fishing with DH, feeding all the gorgeous parrots that flock there, playing with the other kids, being feral (and being allowed lol), chasing kangaroos & wallabies, talking to the locals, going to the aboriginal story times.....and the list could go on and on..... Us adults drank too much, ate well, had siestas, and well....relaxed.
The cleanup was a nightmare when we got home....mainly cause I got to do 95% of it......but still worth it....we hope to do it again next year!

This 2nd week, the kids have caught up with their Sydney cousins a couple of times, I took them to the movies, shopping, the park, and the biggie.......
wait for it......

THE ZOO!!!! Yes I took them to the zoo all by myself! AND we took public transport!!!!
We had an awesome day, despite it being stinking hot, and there was trackwork, so it was close to a 2 hour trip each way. But the kids had a blast.....and more surprisingly so did I :-)

Due to all this fun & excitement, the house has slid to slum-like level.....and this is the main reason I was glad to see the end of school holidays....I know.....I can barely say it out loud....me....wanting....to....clean......

But I am also emotionally/mentally/physically exhausted....so I've got a plan....of sorts.....
Today's focus was to get the house to a level that I wouldn't die of embarrassment if someone popped over....so I dusted, vacced & mopped (first I had to find the floors though) and did a few room rescues, still need to put out a few fires and a room rescue or 2, but we are looking MUCH better.
Throughout the rest of the week I will focus a little more on the rooms that need them.

I also desperately need time-out. So I am making an effort to do my relaxation exercises a few times a day.....need some pampering too....will have to think more on that one. Oh and I watched the Young and the restless....beautiful mind numbing viewing ;-)

I've noticed I STILL haven't written about DS birthday and party :-( Bad Mummy!!!!! But with madness, illness, holidays and insanity....time has just ran away from me!
Maybe next time....best be off and do a bit more housework, and mindless tv viewing before pick up time

28 September 2007

Anxious but improving...

I've had 2 panic attacks this week! It has been a while, since I have had them, but I've done really well! The first was on Monday, I think, maybe Tuesday, and it was in the car alone, which is often the worst. It was bad, I was shaking so bad I couldn't hold my foot on the brake at the lights, so I had to put the car in park with the hand brake on. I was trying to do my breathing, but my main concern was the pain and new bruise on my forearm, which happened to be positioned above a vein, and had a lump......I don't really admit this freely....but I am kind of hypochondriac, except I no longer go to the dr over such trivial things.....I have in the past and it always came to nothing, so whilst I am convinced most of my woes are in my head, sometimes they do my head in!!!!
I was attempting to drive to Westfields (huge shopping centre) when I started getting anxious & sore, so I decided to go back home, then the panic attack hit, and there was no where I could pull off to the side of the road, and it escalated from there...but see I fed the anxiety by deciding to go home. I realised this, and happily went shopping the next day (allll day). I am also still tired ALLL DAY! I think this is partly due to the fact I was sick, partly to do with me having PMS, partly due to me not venturing out whilst sick (lost my mojo), and a big part because homelife has been unpredictable again. I never quite know if DH is going to come home abusive and angry.....or offering random kisses....or silent & resentful....so the walls go up and he wonders why!
Anyhoo...I had another today...home alone!!! which hasn't happened in donkeys!!! Again it was my arm, the blackening bruise, the loss of strength, the enlarged lump....*sigh*....really it is quite silly.
But again, I pushed myself through the fear barrier and I did some shopping, then cleaned the house, then some more shopping with the kids, then I took the kids to a party, and although I felt at times I was indeed going mad, I pushed on through, and even enjoyed some of it. I think I am finally *getting* that when push comes to shove....I can shove harder than the fear pushes....
I am finally getting to a point also, where I am able to walk out the front door, whether it be to check the mail, or go to the shops, or pick the kids up.... I don't have to spend half an hour preparing myself...I can do it....and even though I may feel apprehensive....I don't think thrice ( I do still think twice)...
Kids are feral I best be a mum and get them to bed :-D

18 September 2007


I never say I have the flu for a cold, and it irks me when other people say they have the flu, when they obviously have not! So this is a big admission from me.
Because years ago I actually got the flu, and it saw me bedridden for 5 days only leaving for the toilet, meds, and water. The flu & the common cold are 2 totally separate and different illnesses.
Last Wednesday, I felt I was coming down with something, or just run down...or something...Then I spent Thursday - Sunday just struggling to get warm....but I still managed the kid stuff and the basics of keeping house.....my glands were huge, I was all clogged up and my eyes & nose wouldn't stop running. I had no cough. But I wasn't bedridden. So it wasn't the flu. Here I was in fairly mild weather in a gazillion layers of clothing, shivering under a feather doona, whilst everyone else was in t-shirts.....but it wasn't the flu. Yesterday I slept, I froze, I couldn't eat, I cried, I couldn't manage to cook dinner BUT I dropped the kids at school and picked them up, so it wasn't the flu.
Last night I woke up in cold sweats many times, kicking the doona off, then searching for a warm jumper & the doona, only to kick it off absolutely drenched a little later, and so the cycle continued, till at 6am I gave up and got up.
DH finally noticed I was sick (it's rocket science you see) and took over the kid-wrangling and got them to school, so I promptly downed some Nurofen to calm my pounding brain and aching body, and curled up on the lounge with my doona and slept some more....... and YES I do have the flu.....you see when I last had it I was bedridden....but I was also single & childless, and housework & cooking did not figure into my daily life.....so I was able to be bedridden.
Why am I on here now?
I just made some instant Thai Chicken soup to enable me to stop the empty tummy from rumbling and allow me to take more drugs. But that soup cleared my nasal passages a little, and reminded me that after all that sweating, I really cannot avoid a shower any longer.
Then I will try and sleep some more before hubby brings the kids home from school & takes DS to Softball training.
Usually sweating signifies the "break" to getting better....so hopefully I'll be back to my old self soon......but my nose is blocked again now......do I really have to have that shower?????

13 September 2007

Menu Plan

I've been flat out the last fortnight, so haven't had the energy or time to post.....

But here's this fortnights menu plan.
As usual easy x 2
And we'll do take away twice, as DS dance class is now later on Thursday, so we get home too late to cook.

  1. Chicken Burritos
  2. BBQ Honey Soy Chicken wings with salad + veg
  3. Spag Bol
  4. Green Chicken Curry (change of plans meant it was missed last f/n)
  5. Roast chook (in slow cooker) & veg
  6. Marinated Chops & salad (probably BBQ)
  7. Homemade Pizzas
  8. Steak Dianne, mash & veg
  9. Chicken Tomato pasta and dinner rolls
  10. Chilli Con Carne

Really struggling with the meal plans ATM, If I feel the same next fortnight, I think I might wing it for a week or so, and try and be inspired in store......and hope it's not too disastrous on the budget, taste buds and waist line :-)

Will try and update on DS birthday and party soon....have to run to the shrink now though..


28 August 2007


Well Tuesday is menu planning day around these parts.....I'm in a rut at the moment though, getting rather sick of the same old thing. I find this happens around change of season, when I need to switch between summer & winter meals, but I managed. We'll have to start cranking up the BBQ again now the weather is warming up :-)
Our income is fortnightly, so I plan for 2 weeks at a time, and I always including 2 "easy" meals (think nuggets, chips, noodles, baked beans etc). Usually I account for Take Away once, but we have a lot on this fortnight, so I'm upping that to twice.
  1. DS choice (his b'day...haven't asked him yet)
  2. Soft & hard mince taco's
  3. Chops + italian potatoes + veg
  4. Beef Stroganoff with Penne
  5. Green Chicken Curry with rice (kids have the stirfry minus the sauce)
  6. Chicken Salsa with mash + veg
  7. Hotdogs
  8. Honey Soy Chicken wings with salad
  9. Chicken Pesto Pasta with garlic bread
  10. Veal Tortellini with PN sauce and dinner rolls

We don't do cooked deserts....kids sometimes have icecream, icy pole or fruit......and sometimes I sneak in some chocky after kids are tucked away :-)

K xx

27 August 2007

Banana Yoghurt Cake

One of the other "balls" I am trying to juggle, is to become more frugal. Not living on rice & beans and forgoing all luxuries type frugal.....I guess it's more a quest for a simpler life, living within my means, not using objects to gain peace or fulfillment and wasting less, and THAT is where this cake comes in :-)

DD loves her yoghurt, unfortunately she only loves the more expensive "character" ones. I know it would be cheaper & healthier to make our own, but she is the only one who eats yoghurt, so if I bought the necessary stuff, it would be pretty wasteful if she turned her nose up at it, and I assume she would at this stage.

Anyhow....all these yoghurt packs always come with a flavour she doesn't like much, and I was throwing them out a little too often, so I went on a search of a recipe I could use them in, and found this cake, and it is divine (and DS gets some yoghurt without knowing it lol). It's quite dense, but has a really soft but moist texture....hard to describe...but all who have tasted it love it...and I always lose the recipe, so if I write it here, I'll have it for good!


  • 125g of butter (or marg)
  • 175g castor sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 very ripe bananas, mashed
  • 200g yoghurt
  • 1 1/3 cups of self raising flour


  • Preheat oven to 180 degrees. Grease & line your cake tin. (I use a loaf tin)
  • Beat butter & sugar in a bowl with electric beaters until pale & creamy. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Fold in the mashed bananas & yoghurt with a large spoon. Sift the flour and fold gently into the wet mixture until just combined.
  • Spoon mixture into prepared pan and bake for 50-60mins until a skewer comes out clean. Remove from oven and let stand for 10mins. Remove from pan and let it cool on a wire rack (or watch it being devoured warm ;-))
  • You can make a cream cheese icing for it, but I'm too lazy.

And sorry about the dodgy photo, lol, probably should have edited it a bit first....but that laziness is kicking in again :-)


24 August 2007


Why is it, that HE can come home...do minimal work, minimal kid wrangling, and get to sleep by 9pm and most likely sleep till 10am?????
I have been up since 6am....granted I didn't start "working" till 6.45am....but I got kids lunches ready, woke dreamy kids up, made them hot chocolates, coerced them into to dressing & eating breakfast, all set out by me, made beds, had kids teeth brushed, settled arguments, again bribed them to get dressed & eat breakfast, ate my own breakfast of promite on toast, and skulling coffee whilst tying shoelaces & doing hair, still bribing (well close to begging now) that they get dressed & eat their breakfast, force feed DD her anti-biotics with the promise of juice & hell anything she wants by now.....oh and yeah I fit a shower in there somewhere...AND getting dressed...BONUS! Only to get them to school ON TIME! DH...well...he ambles out at 7.30 or so...makes himself a coffee...heads out the back for a fag...for 1/2 an hour or so...ambles in for a Shower, shit (or 3 ) and a shave, barely says goodbye then is out the door!
I drop the children lovingly at school with kisses & cuddles galore...then race to the shops for "homework" & a few grocery items (same dif)...come home...check emails....finish my MR (morning routine (which I will publish at a later date)) Then I do the dishes, pick up all the crap left by my 3 "housemates", vaccum house, dust house, mop....then try and crumple in a heap on my lounge. Best buddy comes to visit, which I am SOOOO thankful for, but it really drained what supplies I had left IYKWIM. When she and her adorable kiddies leave it is time to pick up kids.....by this stage I feel like I am likely to fall asleep at the wheel, so we miss our usual Friday arvo coffee/video/chat. Come home & I don't stop! Dinner, baths, refereeing, cleaning yadayadayada.
DH ambles in at 7.00pm, sits out the back with a scotch chatting on the phone. I say "hi, how was your day?" "EH" is the response!!! I feel like telling him what EH is fucking like!
I finish up baths & dinner, and breaking up fights & dobbing...call DH & kids for dinner...kids come...no DH....decides to show up later...scoffs his meal, mutters a thanks and leaves the table, whilst I sit for half an hour getting kids to EAT!
ALLL credit to him...he finished the dishes (without breaking anything!)
Plus he set the kids up for their "movie night"
Then he goes and parks his arse to watch TV. My sis calls, and we end up on the phone for ages, as you do, and we haven't spoken in ages, And the kids are rippin' the house apart whilst DH snores his arse off in the lounge....*sigh*
More kid-wrangling...DH disappears,,,,found him in bed at 9pm, snoring like a locomotive with a few extra engines added for effect, and sleeping over the WHOLE bed!
So now I finally have the kids asleep in the lounge, where I am going to have to squeeze into soon also + I have the added benefit that they will wake me up first! Whilst thy master will sleep for as long as he pleases....I WISH I COULD DO THAT! Why can't I???
Simple....no-one will look after the kids!
I make a vow now, seeing I should have gone to bed half an hour ago, but decided to ramble incoherently instead....I will not let a foot hit the floor till 8 am....even if I don't get a sleep in...I will enjoy a LAY IN!


23 August 2007

The SOB has been given his marching orders!!!!


And yes! It is a he...the proof....he leaves crap wherever he sits, frequently gases out the neighbourhood, is a pain in the arse to get started, doesn't last long distances and is embarrassing to take out in public!

Here he is in all is glory.....
(oops I need to fix the date thingy on my camera)

Oh and SOB actually stands for Smokin' Old Bomb......even my psych calls it that...lol.

So how did this all come about? Well yesterday I had the kids all ready for school, and go to warm the little beastie up.....turn the key....nothing....turn the key again....the radio comes on, but that is it.....DEAD! DH is still away in woop-woop, and seeing he is the main driver, he has the NRMA card, so I call him up, and thankfully he was more annoyed than I was....and we won't mention who left the lights on accidentally for a few hours the night before....


NRMA was here in record time, and jumped him back to life for me, but he also informed me it would be dangerous for me to drive, even around the corner to the petrol station, as there was NO oil in him whatsoever, so I bought some oil, which he put in for me, but I had to let him run for half an hour before turning him off, so needless to say the kids were late to school, and the neighbourhood got well and truly gassed out.....oh the shame! The kids offered me their money boxes to buy a new car...god bless them....poor things were coughing and spluttering as much as the car for most of the short trip to school.

DH was pi$$ed as he'd just filled him up with oil not long ago....and that was the clincher...we will be getting a new (to us)car in the next few months....yippee! Our main requirements would be power steering (it's like driving a mack truck), air con (it only blows hot smelly air in summer & cold in winter), a radio that postdates WW2, and that it is not triple the age of our first born!

Our debate on buying a new car is a long one....me yes...DH no....and whilst I am the official owner of the Smokin' Old Bomb, A few years ago DH took over as the main driver, whilst I was given his (brand spanking)new work car, except when he needed to visit clients, or went on work trips to woop woop (like this week).....so my side of the debate kinda fell flat seeing I hardly drive the thing!

So stay tuned as we go car hunting :-)


PS: Just remembered a funny story to convey how much of a menace to the environment this car is....
DH has a basement carpark at his work, and as the SOB needs quite a warm up before he'll agree to travel, DH usually goes down, turns him on, then goes back up to his office to pack up his gear to leave. One day a lady came racing into the office shouting that someone was trying to gas themselves in their car..........nup it was just the SOB warming up LOL

Worst I've had is the people at Macca's & KFC drive throughs slamming their windows shut as we are gassing the entire restaurant......sigh......it really is his time....

20 August 2007

E's visit to the dentist

The dentist visit went GREAT!
Firstly, and of least importance, I WAS FINE. I really had to push myself to go, was convinced I would panic & make a fool of myself, and E would not be seen, but I did just fine.....I had
"moments" and the worst was picking them up from school early, and J having to pee in the carpark, lol...but another TADA for me.
The dentist visit itself gave some great results....but maybe some background info first.
E has Ectodermal Dysplasias (ED). It is basically a genetic disorder that effects the ectoderm (outer layer) of an embryo....you can google it, but she has a very mild form. It is still a bit of an unknown disorder, but generally effects skin, hair, teeth & nails. She was diagnosed when she was 1, and due to no history from either of us parents, it seems to be just a freak mutation at conception. We are blessed thus far, that her main problem is her teeth. They are conical shaped, and there was a big possibility that she would have next to no second teeth. Her nails are paper thin, and she gets a lot of those sores/cuts around the edge. She had very little hair, until about 18 months, but she now has a full head of the stuff :-) albeit thin & a little wirey & hard to manage. She has occasional skin issues such as excema....but considering some of these kids have no sweat glands...it is nothing, and fairly common these days. She has also had recurrant ear infections, and has had grommets put in her ears.....but so has my son, and he is not ED.
Anyways...back to the dentist. We go to the top paed dentist around these parts, and he is at Westmead Dental Hospital....due to both these things he is very hard to get into, but he is FANTASTIC! So after a long wait....and 2.5years since last seeing him...today was the day!
He checked her out, and then sent her for an x-ray. The last xray she had done she was quite young and wouldn't keep still, but it didn't look good as far as 2nd teeth go. But todays showed much better results....she is only missing her 4 bottom front (2nd/adult) teeth, and 2 incisors. Her 6 year molars are there waiting to come through, which he said looks positive as far as the older ones developing too. Her teeth are at the "age" of a 3.5 year old, which he said was not a worry. The ones, without adult teeth, were the best outcome, as their roots are long and could be built up to "look" more in place...and at a much later date, implants would work well. So at this stage we are doing nothing. We will have another appointment in a year. But if I feel something needs to be done (caps most likely) to call in the meantime. She apparently is called "shark-girl" at school...it breaks my heart...but, for now, it is more "cool" status. than teasing....we'll see how that goes...and I'll try not to be tainted by the tauntings I got at school for my teeth issues (which was dodgy dentist induced, NOT genetics......well actually a bit genetics, but not ED). At the moment she has been invited to just about every party happening, so as long as she continues to do well (and I know kids tease for anything and parties aren't the be all and end all) we will continue to go on as normal, and tackle things as they come :-)
Best get these kidlets to bed...and stop avoiding the housework :-)

Cut Loose.....

Well I have "graduated" from seeing my psychiatrist on a monthly basis to an as needed one.
It has been long suggested that I set up a blog or a journal, but my attempts in the past have been very short-lived. I think my problem is my wanting a theme....or it getting too personal than I am truly comfortable with sharing with the entire world. So I still have my written journal for those moments, and will try this for the rest :-)
I am currently fighting a losing battle with my teeth...... Driving me insane. Pain meds help very little......alcohol is better.....but obviously not a good option when I have kids & need to drive (and of course I still wake up with an aching mouth but I also have a hangover which makes the pain worse).....so today I'm trying to keep myself distracted....and avoiding using my mouth as much as possible.....
DH is away for work, the house is trashed, and I have to take E to the dentist this afternoon. Really should try and clean up a bit....that should help the distraction side of things.....I hope!
off to see what mush, I can conjure up to eat too.....not sure what's worse, the effects of not eating or the tooth pain when I do......I think the human body can survive 10 days without food....I'm just not sure how long it is until the body (and mind) stop functioning.....will keep you posted.