28 September 2007

Anxious but improving...

I've had 2 panic attacks this week! It has been a while, since I have had them, but I've done really well! The first was on Monday, I think, maybe Tuesday, and it was in the car alone, which is often the worst. It was bad, I was shaking so bad I couldn't hold my foot on the brake at the lights, so I had to put the car in park with the hand brake on. I was trying to do my breathing, but my main concern was the pain and new bruise on my forearm, which happened to be positioned above a vein, and had a lump......I don't really admit this freely....but I am kind of hypochondriac, except I no longer go to the dr over such trivial things.....I have in the past and it always came to nothing, so whilst I am convinced most of my woes are in my head, sometimes they do my head in!!!!
I was attempting to drive to Westfields (huge shopping centre) when I started getting anxious & sore, so I decided to go back home, then the panic attack hit, and there was no where I could pull off to the side of the road, and it escalated from there...but see I fed the anxiety by deciding to go home. I realised this, and happily went shopping the next day (allll day). I am also still tired ALLL DAY! I think this is partly due to the fact I was sick, partly to do with me having PMS, partly due to me not venturing out whilst sick (lost my mojo), and a big part because homelife has been unpredictable again. I never quite know if DH is going to come home abusive and angry.....or offering random kisses....or silent & resentful....so the walls go up and he wonders why!
Anyhoo...I had another today...home alone!!! which hasn't happened in donkeys!!! Again it was my arm, the blackening bruise, the loss of strength, the enlarged lump....*sigh*....really it is quite silly.
But again, I pushed myself through the fear barrier and I did some shopping, then cleaned the house, then some more shopping with the kids, then I took the kids to a party, and although I felt at times I was indeed going mad, I pushed on through, and even enjoyed some of it. I think I am finally *getting* that when push comes to shove....I can shove harder than the fear pushes....
I am finally getting to a point also, where I am able to walk out the front door, whether it be to check the mail, or go to the shops, or pick the kids up.... I don't have to spend half an hour preparing myself...I can do it....and even though I may feel apprehensive....I don't think thrice ( I do still think twice)...
Kids are feral I best be a mum and get them to bed :-D

18 September 2007


I never say I have the flu for a cold, and it irks me when other people say they have the flu, when they obviously have not! So this is a big admission from me.
Because years ago I actually got the flu, and it saw me bedridden for 5 days only leaving for the toilet, meds, and water. The flu & the common cold are 2 totally separate and different illnesses.
Last Wednesday, I felt I was coming down with something, or just run down...or something...Then I spent Thursday - Sunday just struggling to get warm....but I still managed the kid stuff and the basics of keeping house.....my glands were huge, I was all clogged up and my eyes & nose wouldn't stop running. I had no cough. But I wasn't bedridden. So it wasn't the flu. Here I was in fairly mild weather in a gazillion layers of clothing, shivering under a feather doona, whilst everyone else was in t-shirts.....but it wasn't the flu. Yesterday I slept, I froze, I couldn't eat, I cried, I couldn't manage to cook dinner BUT I dropped the kids at school and picked them up, so it wasn't the flu.
Last night I woke up in cold sweats many times, kicking the doona off, then searching for a warm jumper & the doona, only to kick it off absolutely drenched a little later, and so the cycle continued, till at 6am I gave up and got up.
DH finally noticed I was sick (it's rocket science you see) and took over the kid-wrangling and got them to school, so I promptly downed some Nurofen to calm my pounding brain and aching body, and curled up on the lounge with my doona and slept some more....... and YES I do have the flu.....you see when I last had it I was bedridden....but I was also single & childless, and housework & cooking did not figure into my daily life.....so I was able to be bedridden.
Why am I on here now?
I just made some instant Thai Chicken soup to enable me to stop the empty tummy from rumbling and allow me to take more drugs. But that soup cleared my nasal passages a little, and reminded me that after all that sweating, I really cannot avoid a shower any longer.
Then I will try and sleep some more before hubby brings the kids home from school & takes DS to Softball training.
Usually sweating signifies the "break" to getting better....so hopefully I'll be back to my old self soon......but my nose is blocked again now......do I really have to have that shower?????

13 September 2007

Menu Plan

I've been flat out the last fortnight, so haven't had the energy or time to post.....

But here's this fortnights menu plan.
As usual easy x 2
And we'll do take away twice, as DS dance class is now later on Thursday, so we get home too late to cook.

  1. Chicken Burritos
  2. BBQ Honey Soy Chicken wings with salad + veg
  3. Spag Bol
  4. Green Chicken Curry (change of plans meant it was missed last f/n)
  5. Roast chook (in slow cooker) & veg
  6. Marinated Chops & salad (probably BBQ)
  7. Homemade Pizzas
  8. Steak Dianne, mash & veg
  9. Chicken Tomato pasta and dinner rolls
  10. Chilli Con Carne

Really struggling with the meal plans ATM, If I feel the same next fortnight, I think I might wing it for a week or so, and try and be inspired in store......and hope it's not too disastrous on the budget, taste buds and waist line :-)

Will try and update on DS birthday and party soon....have to run to the shrink now though..