23 January 2008

I'm crap at this bloggy stuff.....

I shouldn't be, I actually was studying HTML a few years ago, but it all vanished with the pooey nappies me thinks.

I wanted to add some of the blogs I like to visit....so finding that bit was easy enough....but it looks ugly...will work on it some more when my brain is working a bit better....if you're missing let me know.....there are more to add, but I really have wasted enough time on here today.

Oh and I'm not very good at bloggity etiquette, so I am *assuming* it is ok to do what I did.......Please send hatemail if it is not......I'm not getting much lately and miss it.

Oh and this took aggggges because my computer kept freezing...not sure if it was bloggers fault or just windows......


17 January 2008


We don't speak!
He makes me sick!
He tries to speak & I just get the shits!
He rang tonight to say goodnight to the kids, as per usual, but this time he asked to speak to me afterwards *shudder* I HATE THAT!
I had emailed him to sort out kidstuff, to halt his control issues regarding drop offs & pick ups, and expected a reply, got none, so I texted him stating I assumed he agreed due to no reply, and nominating my 'dinner day' with the kids. He has had them a lot since our return to Sydney and has them for the week, next week, & I wanted a dinner before they were gone for that long.
Anyhoo, he gets on the phone, and for a fucking change is quite amicable, so we organise the next few days, a few alterations with him backing off a bit for a change.


He has it soooo hard, living at his parents, yadayadayada, because when DS was sick & DD got upset cos she had to come home early and his mum....his mum....as usual the story cut short & I never found out what the fuck he was on about there. Just like when he rang on the eve of my mum starting chemo, whilst I was away, throwing around accusations about me & my XBIL! "How dare I? I can't tell his sister! He shoulda known!" Pfft, I STILL don't know what the fuck he was on....or on about! And he still won't tell me! I did plead....I told him not only I, but my entire family, would like to know what I'd done.....NOTHING! Only silence....the rare silence I get.
Then about work....and his pay....and how fucking HARD life is....some things NEVER change!
Then the classic..
Do I ever sit alone at night and wonder why he did what he did?
Yes I sit many nights moaning about him & what a loss I have endured & and how he has hurt me to my core & how I will never recover & how it was all my fault & how I could have done things differently....


Easy answer buddy..."So you could get your dick wet?"

Yes but "WHY????"

Why doesn't matter mate, you did it! FULL STOP! END OF STORY!

Then he started the dribble of all I had done wrong!

Uuuum I was going through the fucking toughest year (more actually) of my life with agoraphobia, whilst you were out FUCKING prostitutes and paying for Viagra just so you could keep it UP!
You spent most of your time at home passed out.....was I supposed to rape you? What was there to find you attractive? Physical attractiveness left years ago....emotional attractiveness & intamacy followed shortly after.....but it was MY FAULT?!?!?!




It does not matter anymore....you did the unforgiveable....MOVE ON ARSEHOLE!

If your life sucks....well you deserve it!
Go find a hookers shoulder to cry on.....you have no other fucking bills now, so why not!

Meanwhile I need to feed & clean the kids, so I'll see you in the morning when I drop them off at your place!


16 January 2008

Funny as a fart in an elevator!

I've had a crappy time since my sojourn to visit my family down south. Obviously I'm not quite up to scratch yet. I was ignored, disrespected, bitched about, put down, humiliated...all the usual shit really...acceptance in my family is one of our biggest issues....from everyone whether they admit it or not....and then some go and do the exact same thing to me that hurts them most...go figure!

Pffft Family! Who'd have em'

Since my return to the delightful (purge!) city of Sydney, I've had crap from THE ARSEHOLE....the Child Support...the constant flow of bills from him...my inability to mother...my inability...FULL STOP! FARK ORF!

My kids have me on the edge!

My house has me in misery!

My pension has advised me I should have looked for work whilst I was away! Yah! thanks for the notice!

I'm struggling with the shared parenting thing again.

SOOO...tonight I thought "fuck them all and then some!"

Kids are at the AH's

I MADE myself go out despite feeling disgusting.......my foot's fucked, my back is up shit creek without a paddle, I'm tired, I'm crampy minus PMT, my bowels aren't being kind and I'm swaying between Marion Jones on a high then a fucking Codeine Junkie....I Just want to get off....the world I mean....although the other probably wouldn't do any harm....

So I cleansed my face, and threw a mask on....just one going mouldy in the cupboard...the peel off kind! Then decided I'd go all out and do a mini-pedicure...so grabbed the bucket, coffee/chocolate foot soak, filled it up. Dug out some foot-scrub that apparently has diamonds in it, my foot scrubber. my GOLD heel balm (my feet are just nasty ~ thanks mum)....then I found a peel-off mask for my hands, and some nail polish I forgot I had. (Light pink for my fingers....it is now on, and I remember why I forgot it, it is awful!!!!!! Did I chuck it....nooooo....back in the cupboard for next time I get excited & think it would look lovely)

Anyhoo....I digress....

Whilst my 'mask' is drying, I soak my feet, & scrub & soak & scrub & watch TV & talk on the phone.....all the while I am un-knowingly picking at the edges of my face mask.....the peel off one.....pick, watch, pick, scrub, soak, pick, talk, watch, pick........

Then, my feet were done, moisturised, soft....lurvely...so I meander....alll relaxxxxed now...into the bathroom and....


I swear I heard that stabbing music they used in old horror movies!!!!!


And you know what....my foot stopped hurting...so did my back....I felt 29 again....

Can you just see me skipping through the daisies?

Then my father rang!

And well, I need say no more! Back to feeling 50, although with a smoother face, softer hands, and feet that don't rip up the floorboards....for now :-)