26 March 2008
Give me wine, beer, Baileys (mmmm Baileys...), ANYTHING...I will drink fucking Rocket Fuel and enjoy the aftermath more!
Give me drugs....legal, illegal.....mixed with battery acid & 5 spice....it has got to be better!
I have felt like absolute crap for the past few days, have been skulling water like it's liquid gold.
Honestly! I didn't eat that much! But that is ALL I can attribute it to...the FUCKING chocolate!
I just want to spew, shit, cry, scream and rip my own limbs off!
The Farking White Wabbit has some answering to do!
Firstly....he fucking trashedthe joint! There was a white powdery substance EVERYWHERE, then after the kids demolished the place looking for eggs, there was teensy eensy bits of coloured foil all over the place, and brown smears all over the floors. Which I am honestly not sure if it was Bunneh Shit, Kid Shit or chocolate egg that just didn't quite make it in the mouth fast enough!
Secondly...my kids have been feral! I tried to get them eat it all in one day, to be over and done with....but Noooooo! I still have a FRIDGE.FUCKING.FULL.TO.THE.BRIM. WITH. CHOCOLATE!!!!
Thirdly...I was feeling the effects of chocolate overload, on SUNDAY, but kept being tempted! (Remember the Fridge, and I haven't mentioned the rest!) I HAVEN'T EATEN THAT MUCH...but it screws with me! Seeing it in the shops since christmas has made me eat it constantly! As in a little bit a day! But it's too much! Today I feel a little better, and I haven't had any...Proof enough! But it has STILL taken over my brain! I stand in the checkout queue and see alllll that chocolatey goodness, and WANT TO BUY IT! HELLO WOMAN, REMEMBER YOUR HOUSE IS ALMOST MADE OF THE SHIT!
I AM OVER CHOCOLATE!
And I STILL haven't opened the Fererro Rochers...hmmmmmm......If you had an AH, and that AH gave you your fave chockies, Would you eat them?
I'm not game.....
Plus chocolate is still EVIL!
23 March 2008
22 March 2008
In Cadbury(caramel) packs you get 10 mini eggs...none for mum...ahem I mean the easter bunny! Bummer! E.B. loves caramel eggs! (110g)
In Nestle Milky bar mini eggs you get 15...again 1 for the Easter Bunny if you have 2 children (150g)
What are the E.B's findings.....Cadbury charge more per gram.
I prefer cadbury.
But their 11g eggs leave NADA for the E.B!
Need to bring it down to 10 grams man....
Damn glad Mr A.H. E.Bunny contributed to the Egg Fund, or Ms. E.B would be pretty unhappy!!! (as in I am eating the eggs he contributed, because I bought Enuff!)
And I think Mr. Wonka has it right! nothing can be shared equally with 17 so EB always gets his/her cut!
Nestle cuts a close 2nd, because you need 1, 3 or 5 kids to be cut out of your profits...I mean share.
But that damn Cadbury! Everyone has 1, 2, or 5 kids! All or nothing Damn You! Where's my cut you slimey bastard!
And to be fair...I don't buy real cheap shit....fucks with my head....the come down is HUGE!!!! so I haven't had a chance to critique them...not that you'd wanna, I mean sometimes we're desperate....but not at EASTER!
No at Easter we need to keep our shit clean!
Normally I'd have added another great supplier "Red Tulip", Great bloke, but he's pretty quiet, apart from this time of year.... unfortunately I was a bit slack this year, his supply must have been good cos he was dry once I called. Oh well!
And then there's that posh bastard Lindt. Good Stuff! But I'm a single mum wiff 2 kids now, and way outta my league....
Plus the kids say " I don't like-tha-gold-bunneeeeeee".... & well the stuff induces enough manic episodes without nightmares as well!
So now off I go...kids are asleep...and I need to do some magic with some white powdery stuff....and a piece of paper... *sniff*
Oh and find that magical wine that turns me into a Rabbit!
20 March 2008
Tickets I failed to mention cos my kids were left stranded at school.
I had hair balls that looked like tumbleweed blowing through my house.....was not pretty......I've been wanting a haircut for about a year, but agoraphobia & more recently, the budget, has prevented me from doing so......so....my brain snapped....so I grabbed the tools....
....hmmmmmm not so straight....but better than what it was......And now a front on photo to show it is indeed shorter! I am wearing DS pokemon mask, as my face has erupted in pussy boils, and there is nothing negative on here tonight! Oh and another before photo so we get the REAL picture......
19 March 2008
Since the AH & I have separated 2 men have kissed me. Neither of them are single!
Are they missing a fucking chromosone or 10.
The first was someone I didn't know that well, and I kissed back, then I found out he had a girlfriend, so pissed him off. He was persistent though.....It's been a while since I've heard from him....and I hope I don't hear from him again. Why have a girlfriend moron!
Oh and I forgot about the 'stalker'....he had a girlfriend too & was getting a bit scary....perverted prick!
Then out of the blue I get a visitor. Somebody whom I only know because of my marriage to the AH. Someone who is MARRIED! I was a bit surprised, but it was nice to see him as we get along well, and I've been cut off from that part of my life. And he seemed genuinely concerned for how I was..... Then when he left he gave me a hug told me to take care... THEN KISSED ME!!! WTF!!! I reeled back in shock!!! Then he tried it on again!!!! Do men have no morals? Are they truly controlled by their fucking cocks? Does commitment mean nothing?
The AH screwed around behind my back, does this automatically mean I have a secret desire to be the 'other' woman. Do I have a fucking neon sign on my forehead flashing "Kiss me if your taken".
I think not!
And people think I want or need a man in my life. Think I'll pass thanks very much!
14 March 2008
It was the AH.
AH: "WHAT the FUCK happened to YOU today?"
me: "Excuse me?" thinking... thinking...we agreed I'd drop their stuff off at 5.30pm I am SURE! What?.....
AH: "Why didn't you pick the fucking kids up from school?"
Me: "WHAT!!!!! YOU were supposed to pick them up" *OH!MY!FUCKING!GOD! They were left at school, PANIC!*
AH: "I NEVER pick them up on Fridays, I pick them up on Wednesday's! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK THEM UP"
*OH MY GOD!*
Me: "Where are they? Are they OK?"
AH: "They are here, my dad picked them up, they called him"
*Why the fuck didn't they call me or the AH??*
AH: "BLAH BLAH BLAH...." Sorry he was ranting something, but I kind of went blank at that stage...
Me: "It is your day, we agreed in mediation that on your days you pick them up from school"
AH: "BULLSHIT! I NEVER PICK THEM UP ON FRIDAYS!"
Me: "WE have it in writing! I texted you TODAY asking what time you wanted me to drop their stuff off?"
AH: "YOU TEXTED ME ASKING THE TIME TO DROP THE KIDS OFF...RANT RANT RANT"
Me: "No I didn't, check your phone"
AH started ranting raving denying blaming cursing yadayadayada......ho hum!
Me: "Look it doesn't matter, are the kids OK?"
Me: "OK well that's what matters, it was obviously a miscommunication, no need to blame anyone."
AH: "I'm coming to get their stuff, they want to get changed"
Me: "I can still drop it off....."
AH: "OH FUCK, DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!"
Me: "Don't need to be nasty, I don't mind either way"
AH: "I'LL COME AND GET IT NOW!" beep, beep, beep, beep.... OK I guess you will....
So he came. I gave the kids a HUGE hug, and said sorry that dad & I got mixed up. He was very surly. They grabbed their gear, E announced she wasn't gonna sing tonight (Karaoke school disco), so I didn't need to come.
I went outside, and tried to speak to him, but he just carried on like a flipping child, throwing blame anywhere but on himself as usual....... Like I would not pick the kids up if I was supposed to?!?! HELLO MORON! Does that FUCKING tiny wee little lonely grey cell in your fat head not compute!!!!! The air must whip through your ear canals like a fucking hurricane that prevents you from hearing any rational fucking thought....IDIOT!!
The kids seemed OK. A little quiet. Probably more from the arsehats attitude than anything else. Their school is fantastic, and I am sure they would have taken really good care of them.
I am still perplexed. Apparently they rang home, but I was out. They have my mobile number though & they didn't call that. I'll have to chase that up. They called the AH's mobile apparently, but he never answers. So they rang the next on the list, my FIL & thank god they were home.
Now I'm not into playing his games with him......but you, my lovelies, is another story.
This is what backs up MY reasonings!
#1:Our agreement states...
'Weekends will be divided in the form:- Fri after school until Sat 7.00pm and from then until 7.00pm Sunday.'
**Now that doesn't specifically say whomever has them does the school pick up, but the last time he did a Friday,(and the only one he's done SINCE the mediation), he picked them up, and the other night he has them states 'The children will continue to spend Wednesday nights with their father who will collect them from school and return them to school the next morning.' Plus it was talked about in mediation, that when he had them he would be responsible for pick-ups (and anything else that crops up) on the days he had them.
So, I assumed, he was picking them up. Obviously I was wrong!
#2: Our communication today.
**He agreed to text or email, even if it just meant receiving them and arranging a time to call to nut out the bits & pieces. He is shocking at replying. Today I chose to text. Cos it was early and he tends to respond to text more often. He now says "NO MORE TEXTS! It's like deciphering a code, EMAIL ONLY" ~ From the man that thinks email is evil!
Here is our communication today.
Me : "Hi. Do the kids need anything specific packed? Whats best time to drop stuff off?"
AH : " No. Drop them at 6"
Me: "That's wot time it starts isn't it." referring to the disco here, as I had passed related info onto him
AH: "Make it 5.30 then"
AH: "Swimmers & towles too" yes that is his typo *snigger*
**Now, he did use the term 'them'....but I used the term 'stuff'....we were married for over 7 years, I would hope he knows that I would not refer to my kids as STUFF. Maybe I should have picked up on this....but I was in lala land that HE was picking the kids up from school. AS ARRANGED. AS HAD BEEN DONE SINCE WE NUTTED OUT THE BITS & PIECES IN MEDIATION.
But of course it is ALL MY FAULT.
I feel awful.
But at the same time, I don't feel I was in the wrong. I don't even think he was entirely in the wrong. I don't think he would leave the kids to fester at school any more than I would. But I do wish he would grow up, stop trying to cover his arse, apportion blame to everyone BUT him, and finally just get on with things.
AND stick to what was agreed upon!
MY KIDS WERE LEFT STRANDED AT SCHOOL!
Going to get a stiff drink now
Grab yourself a drink....or 10...... wine is my preference....and get real comfy.....
I cried today, Romance is alive I tells ya!
I check in at least daily to see if there is an update, beats any soap opera or Mills & Boon novel hands down.....not that I've ever read a Mills & Boon novel.....
You will understand....if you haven't already indulged.....and I bet you can't get enough :-)
12 March 2008
And I don't get it.
From strangers, from aquaintences, from friends, from family.
Is being single a disease I have yet to hear of?
Does HE need replacing?
Do I need to be in a relationship to be happy?
Why do people think I need to find another man?
I'm not totally opposed to the idea, but fuck! It's been 4 months (in 4 days), why do people say this.
Or "I'm a nice girl......"
It's a bit of a backhanded compliment really.
I'm nice & good looking apparently, but I won't be whole until I find that elusive other half.
Half my problem's stemmed from me not being "good enough for *insert any reason on this earth*"
I kinda want to rediscover ME.
I want to enjoy being ME.
And know that I am OK just the way I am.
Without any outside influence interrupting that process.
Whenever I say "Oh I'm really not interested in finding anyone new"
I get a weird look, and then a knowing smirk (what am I missing?), and "Oh maybe not yet, but you will!"
Uuuum yeah....but what's the rush!
Can anyone tell me....has my 7 years out of the single-scene made me miss something?
09 March 2008
E ended up in tears the other night, asking why dad wasn't here, and why he wasn't coming back, at bedtime....gosh those first few weeks were hard! But I am in a better place now. But it still took me by surprise! Poor baby was distraught! But I feel more 'distant' from it now. I used to want to avoid these discussions cos it hurt too much....I just wanted to slam the bastard for screwing hookers, To be honest. So I wanted to avoid these conversations with the kids. I still find them hard. But I just let her know we both love her, which she hopefully knows...God I hope she knows....and that we are still a family...we just live apart. Lots of hugs..... I HOPE I am doing the right thing.
DS said to me tonight, "Why did dad move out of our house?"....like he had no idea....what am I doing wrong? He internalises a lot....but the way he asked was like he had just woken up and realised his dad was gone! I explained that daddy & I just didn't get along anymore, and this way we were happier & so they would be happier. He asked me if I still loved his dad!!!!! After he had just explained that the reason that he and his 'girlfriend' for the last 2 years had split up (too cute....she is now girlfriend to his best mate, which is fine apparently lol) was because SHE didn't KNOW that he loved her awwwwww! I couldn't say no. I don't want to lie to my kids. I said "yes of course I still love him" "He is your dad! He is the father of MY kids! I will always love him, we just can't live together"
The funny thing is, I started that sentence thinking I was lying, and by the end of it, I realised I was telling the truth....how does that work.
I don't have much affection for the bloke, hell I don't even LIKE him, but for the simple fact HE IS MY KIDS FATHER, I will always have 'something' for him. Even if it is only for the benefit of my kids.
His dick can still fall off!
Shouldn't affect him being a dad right!
In the meantime, pray my kids are OK, & I do the right thing by them....I really feel I'm just playing by ear ATM.