I shouldn't be, I actually was studying HTML a few years ago, but it all vanished with the pooey nappies me thinks.
I wanted to add some of the blogs I like to visit....so finding that bit was easy enough....but it looks ugly...will work on it some more when my brain is working a bit better....if you're missing let me know.....there are more to add, but I really have wasted enough time on here today.
Oh and I'm not very good at bloggity etiquette, so I am *assuming* it is ok to do what I did.......Please send hatemail if it is not......I'm not getting much lately and miss it.
Oh and this took aggggges because my computer kept freezing...not sure if it was bloggers fault or just windows......
K
23 January 2008
17 January 2008
AH SPEW!
We don't speak!
He makes me sick!
He tries to speak & I just get the shits!
He rang tonight to say goodnight to the kids, as per usual, but this time he asked to speak to me afterwards *shudder* I HATE THAT!
I had emailed him to sort out kidstuff, to halt his control issues regarding drop offs & pick ups, and expected a reply, got none, so I texted him stating I assumed he agreed due to no reply, and nominating my 'dinner day' with the kids. He has had them a lot since our return to Sydney and has them for the week, next week, & I wanted a dinner before they were gone for that long.
Anyhoo, he gets on the phone, and for a fucking change is quite amicable, so we organise the next few days, a few alterations with him backing off a bit for a change.
THEN HE STARTS FUCKING CRYING!!!!! CRYING!!!!! OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD.THE.MAN.OF.NO.EMOTION!!!!!
BRING OUT THE VIOLINS!
He has it soooo hard, living at his parents, yadayadayada, because when DS was sick & DD got upset cos she had to come home early and his mum....his mum....as usual the story cut short & I never found out what the fuck he was on about there. Just like when he rang on the eve of my mum starting chemo, whilst I was away, throwing around accusations about me & my XBIL! "How dare I? I can't tell his sister! He shoulda known!" Pfft, I STILL don't know what the fuck he was on....or on about! And he still won't tell me! I did plead....I told him not only I, but my entire family, would like to know what I'd done.....NOTHING! Only silence....the rare silence I get.
Then about work....and his pay....and how fucking HARD life is....some things NEVER change!
Then the classic..
Do I ever sit alone at night and wonder why he did what he did?
Yes I sit many nights moaning about him & what a loss I have endured & and how he has hurt me to my core & how I will never recover & how it was all my fault & how I could have done things differently....
NOT!
Easy answer buddy..."So you could get your dick wet?"
Yes but "WHY????"
Why doesn't matter mate, you did it! FULL STOP! END OF STORY!
Then he started the dribble of all I had done wrong!
Uuuum I was going through the fucking toughest year (more actually) of my life with agoraphobia, whilst you were out FUCKING prostitutes and paying for Viagra just so you could keep it UP!
You spent most of your time at home passed out.....was I supposed to rape you? What was there to find you attractive? Physical attractiveness left years ago....emotional attractiveness & intamacy followed shortly after.....but it was MY FAULT?!?!?!
AND....
Well.....
basically....
It does not matter anymore....you did the unforgiveable....MOVE ON ARSEHOLE!
If your life sucks....well you deserve it!
Go find a hookers shoulder to cry on.....you have no other fucking bills now, so why not!
Meanwhile I need to feed & clean the kids, so I'll see you in the morning when I drop them off at your place!
FARKING ARSEHAT!
K
He makes me sick!
He tries to speak & I just get the shits!
He rang tonight to say goodnight to the kids, as per usual, but this time he asked to speak to me afterwards *shudder* I HATE THAT!
I had emailed him to sort out kidstuff, to halt his control issues regarding drop offs & pick ups, and expected a reply, got none, so I texted him stating I assumed he agreed due to no reply, and nominating my 'dinner day' with the kids. He has had them a lot since our return to Sydney and has them for the week, next week, & I wanted a dinner before they were gone for that long.
Anyhoo, he gets on the phone, and for a fucking change is quite amicable, so we organise the next few days, a few alterations with him backing off a bit for a change.
THEN HE STARTS FUCKING CRYING!!!!! CRYING!!!!! OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD.THE.MAN.OF.NO.EMOTION!!!!!
BRING OUT THE VIOLINS!
He has it soooo hard, living at his parents, yadayadayada, because when DS was sick & DD got upset cos she had to come home early and his mum....his mum....as usual the story cut short & I never found out what the fuck he was on about there. Just like when he rang on the eve of my mum starting chemo, whilst I was away, throwing around accusations about me & my XBIL! "How dare I? I can't tell his sister! He shoulda known!" Pfft, I STILL don't know what the fuck he was on....or on about! And he still won't tell me! I did plead....I told him not only I, but my entire family, would like to know what I'd done.....NOTHING! Only silence....the rare silence I get.
Then about work....and his pay....and how fucking HARD life is....some things NEVER change!
Then the classic..
Do I ever sit alone at night and wonder why he did what he did?
Yes I sit many nights moaning about him & what a loss I have endured & and how he has hurt me to my core & how I will never recover & how it was all my fault & how I could have done things differently....
NOT!
Easy answer buddy..."So you could get your dick wet?"
Yes but "WHY????"
Why doesn't matter mate, you did it! FULL STOP! END OF STORY!
Then he started the dribble of all I had done wrong!
Uuuum I was going through the fucking toughest year (more actually) of my life with agoraphobia, whilst you were out FUCKING prostitutes and paying for Viagra just so you could keep it UP!
You spent most of your time at home passed out.....was I supposed to rape you? What was there to find you attractive? Physical attractiveness left years ago....emotional attractiveness & intamacy followed shortly after.....but it was MY FAULT?!?!?!
AND....
Well.....
basically....
It does not matter anymore....you did the unforgiveable....MOVE ON ARSEHOLE!
If your life sucks....well you deserve it!
Go find a hookers shoulder to cry on.....you have no other fucking bills now, so why not!
Meanwhile I need to feed & clean the kids, so I'll see you in the morning when I drop them off at your place!
FARKING ARSEHAT!
K
16 January 2008
Funny as a fart in an elevator!
I've had a crappy time since my sojourn to visit my family down south. Obviously I'm not quite up to scratch yet. I was ignored, disrespected, bitched about, put down, humiliated...all the usual shit really...acceptance in my family is one of our biggest issues....from everyone whether they admit it or not....and then some go and do the exact same thing to me that hurts them most...go figure!
Pffft Family! Who'd have em'
Since my return to the delightful (purge!) city of Sydney, I've had crap from THE ARSEHOLE....the Child Support...the constant flow of bills from him...my inability to mother...my inability...FULL STOP! FARK ORF!
My kids have me on the edge!
My house has me in misery!
My pension has advised me I should have looked for work whilst I was away! Yah! thanks for the notice!
I'm struggling with the shared parenting thing again.
SOOO...tonight I thought "fuck them all and then some!"
Kids are at the AH's
I MADE myself go out despite feeling disgusting.......my foot's fucked, my back is up shit creek without a paddle, I'm tired, I'm crampy minus PMT, my bowels aren't being kind and I'm swaying between Marion Jones on a high then a fucking Codeine Junkie....I Just want to get off....the world I mean....although the other probably wouldn't do any harm....
So I cleansed my face, and threw a mask on....just one going mouldy in the cupboard...the peel off kind! Then decided I'd go all out and do a mini-pedicure...so grabbed the bucket, coffee/chocolate foot soak, filled it up. Dug out some foot-scrub that apparently has diamonds in it, my foot scrubber. my GOLD heel balm (my feet are just nasty ~ thanks mum)....then I found a peel-off mask for my hands, and some nail polish I forgot I had. (Light pink for my fingers....it is now on, and I remember why I forgot it, it is awful!!!!!! Did I chuck it....nooooo....back in the cupboard for next time I get excited & think it would look lovely)
Anyhoo....I digress....
Whilst my 'mask' is drying, I soak my feet, & scrub & soak & scrub & watch TV & talk on the phone.....all the while I am un-knowingly picking at the edges of my face mask.....the peel off one.....pick, watch, pick, scrub, soak, pick, talk, watch, pick........
Then, my feet were done, moisturised, soft....lurvely...so I meander....alll relaxxxxed now...into the bathroom and....
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
I swear I heard that stabbing music they used in old horror movies!!!!!
But then FUCK I LAUGHED SO FUCKING HARD I HAD TO TWINKLE!
And you know what....my foot stopped hurting...so did my back....I felt 29 again....
Can you just see me skipping through the daisies?
Then my father rang!
And well, I need say no more! Back to feeling 50, although with a smoother face, softer hands, and feet that don't rip up the floorboards....for now :-)
K
24 December 2007
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
23 December 2007
Life sucks & then you die!
:-(
Just found out my mums cancer news is not good.
She probably won't make it through the year. She is starting Chemo again in January, but the dr isn't really positive about her body coping with it. It's at the point where if the cancer doesn't kill her, the treatment probably will.
I just spoke to her, and in all honesty, she sounded like shit! Tired and old....... My step father isn't coping well apparently, he's always been the upbeat, positive, stereotypical Aussie Larrikin. I think reality has hit, and he is a broken man. I didn't get a chance to speak to him, but I spoke to my sister K, and she told me everything.
There is soo much shit going on in my family. 2 estranged daughters. Nasty stuff. Stuff that needs to be sorted. Sad shit! If they can all just get past the anger & hurt, maybe it isn't too late...but I'm afraid it may be too late....for 1 sister anyway.....
After much indecision, I decided today, prior to getting the above news, I wouldn't go to mums for xmas day. For a few reasons.....the main being resistance from the ArseHole...2ndly J has come down sick today, I think it may be what E had a week ago, so could well last up to a week & may get worse in between (not great for a 6+ hour drive), 3rdly E's b'day is on 1/1 and her fandangle present is in getting repaired (hopefully), so I kind of have to stay put to find out what's going on with that. If I go to Albury, I need to stay at least a week to make it worth it. And 4thly....finally....I have my gyno appointment on the 7th....to see if AH has infected me from his romping with trollops! I had to wait 7 weeks for the appointment, I really don't want to wait another 7.
Gosh! that all sounds rather shallow!
I will be going down, but most likely in the 2nd week of Jan. That is when mum starts treatment. She most likely won't be sick from the first lot, so that should be OK. (Oh and by that I don't mean I don't want to be there to look after her, it's more that the kids can be quite taxing on her, and she doesn't need that IYKWIM.
At some time in the next few days I need to ring and try & reason with the 2 'estranged' sisters...sigh....
Right now I need to go wrap some presents now the kids are asleep. Turn on my xmas lights to try and get some semblance of peace & joy. I had apathy towards xmas before....now any spirit that was tucked deep down inside has been drained completely....and here I was thinking 2008 had to be better.....
At least I've been put in my spot!
I can live with no air-con in the car, a dodgy washing machine, an AH for an EXH.....my mum....well that's another story....despite all our differences......OK getting teary now....time to move on and focus....just for the next few days....
Hug your loved ones!
K
Just found out my mums cancer news is not good.
She probably won't make it through the year. She is starting Chemo again in January, but the dr isn't really positive about her body coping with it. It's at the point where if the cancer doesn't kill her, the treatment probably will.
I just spoke to her, and in all honesty, she sounded like shit! Tired and old....... My step father isn't coping well apparently, he's always been the upbeat, positive, stereotypical Aussie Larrikin. I think reality has hit, and he is a broken man. I didn't get a chance to speak to him, but I spoke to my sister K, and she told me everything.
There is soo much shit going on in my family. 2 estranged daughters. Nasty stuff. Stuff that needs to be sorted. Sad shit! If they can all just get past the anger & hurt, maybe it isn't too late...but I'm afraid it may be too late....for 1 sister anyway.....
After much indecision, I decided today, prior to getting the above news, I wouldn't go to mums for xmas day. For a few reasons.....the main being resistance from the ArseHole...2ndly J has come down sick today, I think it may be what E had a week ago, so could well last up to a week & may get worse in between (not great for a 6+ hour drive), 3rdly E's b'day is on 1/1 and her fandangle present is in getting repaired (hopefully), so I kind of have to stay put to find out what's going on with that. If I go to Albury, I need to stay at least a week to make it worth it. And 4thly....finally....I have my gyno appointment on the 7th....to see if AH has infected me from his romping with trollops! I had to wait 7 weeks for the appointment, I really don't want to wait another 7.
Gosh! that all sounds rather shallow!
I will be going down, but most likely in the 2nd week of Jan. That is when mum starts treatment. She most likely won't be sick from the first lot, so that should be OK. (Oh and by that I don't mean I don't want to be there to look after her, it's more that the kids can be quite taxing on her, and she doesn't need that IYKWIM.
At some time in the next few days I need to ring and try & reason with the 2 'estranged' sisters...sigh....
Right now I need to go wrap some presents now the kids are asleep. Turn on my xmas lights to try and get some semblance of peace & joy. I had apathy towards xmas before....now any spirit that was tucked deep down inside has been drained completely....and here I was thinking 2008 had to be better.....
At least I've been put in my spot!
I can live with no air-con in the car, a dodgy washing machine, an AH for an EXH.....my mum....well that's another story....despite all our differences......OK getting teary now....time to move on and focus....just for the next few days....
Hug your loved ones!
K
22 December 2007
Bow to my cake making prowess!
Yay it's party day!
Here's E's cake....
I think it was the easiest one I've ever done...she's happy, so I'm happy!
And J's from his 7th party in September.... (because I was a slack mum and never got around to posting it)
This was HARD...well more time consuming, than difficult. When I finished it I waltzed outside for a well deserved ciggie and glass of wine, only for AH to stick his elbow in Barts head!!!! Oooooh I was SUCH a happy camper THAT night! And apparently I had no right to go off...pfft...and trust me, I contained myself as the kids were around, so he got lucky, I didn't say a 100th of what I was REALLY thinking! I did fix it. But it was difficult as AH had a rare attack of domesticity and washed up all the icing bowls (you know the ones you keep in case of an accident)..... Positive is he isn't here to ruin this one ;-)
Best go, and get prettied up, need a coffee first.....
K
21 December 2007
I crack myself up!
The kids have been collecting paddle pop sticks for the lick-a-prize. They have HEAPS but not a full word.
J was showing his dad how many they had, and I was standing near him...
J: "look dad, we've nearlly got a holiday"
AH: "yeah, that's great!"
J: "see we've got heaps of 'ho's" as he shuffles the sticks.....
Me: sniggering :"Yeah heaps of Ho's" BIG CHEESY GRIN AT AH
Then another conversation where J was showing AH a xmas card he received at school...
J: "Look I'll read it.... HO HO HO....Merry Christmas"
Me: giggling madly....
Confused look from AH
Me: "Don't you get it....HO HO HO.....maybe you should get some, Santa's so jolly"
That's about all from me ATM, I'm so exhausted I could puke!
Have to make E's b'day cake but it's soooo damn hot here right now, the icing will melt....so I think it's gonna be a late one again! I'm a real smart woman, planning my daughters b'day party 3 fucking days before xmas, and I'm sooooooooo behind on xmas because of all the shit with dickwad. I don't even know if I've got everything...
Oh and fucking Murphy's back! On the hottest day we've yet had this summer, my fucking air con in the car goes!!!!! I ring around like a mad woman, but everyone is closing early, for drinks.....for like 3 weeks....so I have to sweat my arse off in a Sydney heat wave.
We won't even mention the washing machine, or the total fuck up with my daughters birthday present....another fucking post I think I will dedicate to Murphy! (scum-sucking arse hat that he is!) Gawd that will be long!
2008 has GOT to be better!
K
J was showing his dad how many they had, and I was standing near him...
J: "look dad, we've nearlly got a holiday"
AH: "yeah, that's great!"
J: "see we've got heaps of 'ho's" as he shuffles the sticks.....
Me: sniggering :"Yeah heaps of Ho's" BIG CHEESY GRIN AT AH
Then another conversation where J was showing AH a xmas card he received at school...
J: "Look I'll read it.... HO HO HO....Merry Christmas"
Me: giggling madly....
Confused look from AH
Me: "Don't you get it....HO HO HO.....maybe you should get some, Santa's so jolly"
That's about all from me ATM, I'm so exhausted I could puke!
Have to make E's b'day cake but it's soooo damn hot here right now, the icing will melt....so I think it's gonna be a late one again! I'm a real smart woman, planning my daughters b'day party 3 fucking days before xmas, and I'm sooooooooo behind on xmas because of all the shit with dickwad. I don't even know if I've got everything...
Oh and fucking Murphy's back! On the hottest day we've yet had this summer, my fucking air con in the car goes!!!!! I ring around like a mad woman, but everyone is closing early, for drinks.....for like 3 weeks....so I have to sweat my arse off in a Sydney heat wave.
We won't even mention the washing machine, or the total fuck up with my daughters birthday present....another fucking post I think I will dedicate to Murphy! (scum-sucking arse hat that he is!) Gawd that will be long!
2008 has GOT to be better!
K
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