17 January 2008


We don't speak!
He makes me sick!
He tries to speak & I just get the shits!
He rang tonight to say goodnight to the kids, as per usual, but this time he asked to speak to me afterwards *shudder* I HATE THAT!
I had emailed him to sort out kidstuff, to halt his control issues regarding drop offs & pick ups, and expected a reply, got none, so I texted him stating I assumed he agreed due to no reply, and nominating my 'dinner day' with the kids. He has had them a lot since our return to Sydney and has them for the week, next week, & I wanted a dinner before they were gone for that long.
Anyhoo, he gets on the phone, and for a fucking change is quite amicable, so we organise the next few days, a few alterations with him backing off a bit for a change.


He has it soooo hard, living at his parents, yadayadayada, because when DS was sick & DD got upset cos she had to come home early and his mum....his mum....as usual the story cut short & I never found out what the fuck he was on about there. Just like when he rang on the eve of my mum starting chemo, whilst I was away, throwing around accusations about me & my XBIL! "How dare I? I can't tell his sister! He shoulda known!" Pfft, I STILL don't know what the fuck he was on....or on about! And he still won't tell me! I did plead....I told him not only I, but my entire family, would like to know what I'd done.....NOTHING! Only silence....the rare silence I get.
Then about work....and his pay....and how fucking HARD life is....some things NEVER change!
Then the classic..
Do I ever sit alone at night and wonder why he did what he did?
Yes I sit many nights moaning about him & what a loss I have endured & and how he has hurt me to my core & how I will never recover & how it was all my fault & how I could have done things differently....


Easy answer buddy..."So you could get your dick wet?"

Yes but "WHY????"

Why doesn't matter mate, you did it! FULL STOP! END OF STORY!

Then he started the dribble of all I had done wrong!

Uuuum I was going through the fucking toughest year (more actually) of my life with agoraphobia, whilst you were out FUCKING prostitutes and paying for Viagra just so you could keep it UP!
You spent most of your time at home passed out.....was I supposed to rape you? What was there to find you attractive? Physical attractiveness left years ago....emotional attractiveness & intamacy followed shortly after.....but it was MY FAULT?!?!?!




It does not matter anymore....you did the unforgiveable....MOVE ON ARSEHOLE!

If your life sucks....well you deserve it!
Go find a hookers shoulder to cry on.....you have no other fucking bills now, so why not!

Meanwhile I need to feed & clean the kids, so I'll see you in the morning when I drop them off at your place!



Anonymous said...

Hey K,

I am so pleased you got that out of your system - do you feel better??

I used to write venemous emails & save them to draft. Never sent them, but I felt so much better after writing down everything that was in my head.

Some men just don;t get it & they never will!

Huge hugs, you are doing really well.


Kirstie said...

I do feel better :-D
And that wasn't half of it, lol.
Thanks for your encouragement, some days are still a struggle, but we'll get there. He won't ever get it, despite his early days of realisation, we are now back to "he did nothing wrong". Which is fine, I don't NEED him to get it, just to *get* that there is no going back IYKWIM.
(gobsmacked my views are over 200...WHERE did they come from?)