04 May 2008

I am wondering......

You may not want to read this if you get all funny over 'women's issues'.

.....How long does it take for someone to bleed to death?

A friend of mine once told me a joke.
"What is the only animal that can bleed for 5 days & not die?"
"A woman!"

Obviously the 'friend' was a bloke!

So how long can it go on before I do.

It all started when I finally got to see the gyno, to check the AH hadn't given me any little going away presents from the fine establishments he frequents.

Oh and chuck in a pap-smear whilst your there cos it's only been....ummmm....how old is my youngest????

And if I'm lying there with it all laid out on a platter, I may as well get the works right!

And it was awful, uncomfortable & embarrassing....exactly the reasons I put such visits off....proving me right....and why I'll probably wait another 6 years!

I mean she didn't even cover me with a sheet....I know that is totally psychological...but still!

I'm lying there, looking at the ceiling, trying to think of England, not the cobwebs she probably needs to dust off when I hear her say....
"Put your hands into a fist & put them up your bum!"

Shaken back to reality...I was forced to look at her...and said "Ummmm WHAT?!"

She repeated.....doing the actions this time....speaking S...L...O...W...L...Y....
"Put your hands into a fist"
She demonstrates.
"And put them under your bum"
Now she's looking like a flight attendant showing me how to inflate my life jacket. Then adds...
"I can't get a clear view"

I just died a thousand deaths! But at least I don't have to stick my fists UP my bum!

Anyhoo, ahem, now that I have that off my chest, we then also discussed other general issues, and she came to the conclusion that I probably have endometriosis, and that I should try going on the pill, to see if that helps. The deal-breaker was when she told me that I could miss, every 2nd or 3rd period....BONUS!!!! Blood Week is never a happy time in this house....for anyone! Only having to endure it 4-6 times a year would be HEAVEN!

So I paid her my money, and hauled my arse out of her office with my dignity dragging behind me in shreds....
Then spent a small fortune on the Pill, simply because this *special, more expensive pill* had the bonuses of clear skin & no weight gain.....and imagine the costs saved on products.......sounded absolutely magical!

But as with all things....if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is.

I started the pill on my next period......and it is still going.......3 WEEKS LATER!!!!!
I am soooooo NOT LOVING THIS!

Yesterday I took the first sugar pill....which should signify the start of my NEXT period.....I'm thinking surely this has to STOP SOON! But NOOOO now I'm getting all the symptoms that I am trying to be rid of.....aches, pains, nausea, tiredness, bloating,mad cow disease. (Well they hadn't actually disappeared entirely...so they are just revving up the volume...SO happy!)

When is it going to end?
Will I bleed to death first?
Will I end up in a psych ward?
Cause Blood Week sucks.....but Blood MONTH is HELL!!!!



Anja said...

Hmm, let's see.

Did your gyno put you on Diane or Yasmin?

I do wish the "bloody chamber" specialists would stop insisting on the pill being the be all and end all.

Sorry girl, I'm still laughing about the fists up your bum. The imagery is priceless.

Kirstie said...

Yeah Yasmin!
Haven't been on the pill for YEARS as it wasn't very effective birth control, I have 2 kids to prove it, so thought it may work for this. At the point that I'll try anything.
Now I have my period, So I'm really loving it so far!!!!!

Yes that WAS sarcasm.