I do.
And it shall say "Murphy fucked with me! But I WON!"
OK a bit extreme, but what a fucked up week.
Yes it is only Monday, but I'm counting the last 7 or so days....memory is a bit blurred, so not sure what happened when, but it WAS in the last week.....Things happen in three's right? I am posting this while pummeling myself against my wooden furniture, just so I don't jinx myself!
1.We FINALLY got some sunshine, so I decided to mow the lawns.
Bring out the whipper snipper, bring out my 'instructions" cos it's been a while...the mother fucker won't start!
My arms are weak and shaky, so I kick it! My elderly neighbour calls over the fence that she will excuse me if I swear 'because THOSE things are a SHIT to start!"
I can't laugh...I am too pissed off....my shoulder feels like it is dislocated....now I can't swear, because I don't like having permission to do so!
Then I notice the pump thingamajig is cracked, and is leaking petrol....DUH! (Just remember I have been pulling on this fucker on and off for over 2 hours....I hurt!)
But I get a glimmer of hope and pull out the yellow pages.
Ring the local mower repair dudes.."Is it just the pump thingamajig?"
ME: "I assume so...started fine last time"
Mower repair dude: "Easy...bring it in we'll fix it! $10"
ME: "You for real??? be there in 5!"
I shoulda fucking known better.
Long story short.. pump thingamajigs gone...inner tube thingamees gone...carburetor gone....will cost almost as much to fix it as it will to buy a new one..
Of course it will!
Bundled the pulled apart bits in a bag, tied it to the handle to offer the God...ahem...I mean AH.
My fix: poison all the edges! Borrow the neighbours whipper snipper for bits I can't poison!
DONE...fuck you! Murphy!!!!
2. My vacuum has had some issues of late, like smelling of fire, black puffs of dust/smoke/NFI coming out, not sucking etc. I tried to fix him. Thought it was the filter, cleaned both of them and put them back, changed bags, cleaned all the nozzles, fixed all the attachments etc etc.
Turned it on with hope of AT LEAST doing the floor rugs.....its not doing much at all...and the smell is BAD!!! Turn around and the mother fucker has smoke billowing out of it!!!!
So i throw it out the back door....and I SWORE LOUDLY...because nobody gave me permission to!
My fix: Pretty lame, I WILL miss the vacc...but we have NO carpet except two floor rugs, so I CAN sweep. I HATE sweeping...BUT I CAN! Or maybe it's time to teach the kids! I also have a Carpet sweeper which isn't too great but is better since I found the main problem...HAIR!!! LOTS OF HAIR!!! No pets! I shed hair like no one else...seriously...I am surprised I am not bald the SHIT gets EVERYWHERE! So regular defuzzing of Carpet Sweeper is also needed. Done! Not happy...but I will SURVIVE Murphy...YOU hear that?!?! MOther FUcker!
3.My fucking washing Machine bit the dust this morning! It too has been behaving badly of late...beeping at me constantly to manually fill it one day, then running perfectly the next. This morning though it did not sing it's familiar melody, it changed. Also the familiar lights were not flashing asking for cold water, or load readjustment....no blinking at all...just 4 random lights shining up at me, taunting me! Found the manual to decode it's foreign language...all it said was 'call a repairman'. Well I've tried that before and it didn't fix things...so I SWORE at it (again without permission) & kicked it several times.
My fix: Then I looked at renting one....$12 a week minimum for a 5.5kg used machine for 18 months!
So I went to see if I could get 'interest free' credit.
Got approved for $1000 which is about $20 a week.
And got myself a NEW & SHINY 8kg water efficient machine that I will OWN in 1 year. My last machine lasted me 10 years, so am hoping this will do the same...HAPPY! PLUS I will get $150 rebate WOOT! And I just LOVE me some new shiny white goods :D
But it is a bit sucky that I couldn't get finance for DD's op but I could for a washer! But I guess that is the way of the world huh! Maybe we need interest free finance on medical needs!!! Now there's an idea!
Ooh and on other news....
I did text the AH "you FORGOT to drop of DS footy boots" and left it that...heard nothing...surprise, surprise! Finally set the Wii up for the kids and he had also *FORGOTTEN* the Wii mote....so DS rang him to tell him & he dropped them both off Fri night.
I am not speaking to him! Not in a "Silent treatment" fashion or "playing games", just I can't be fucked wasting my breath, and playing games & waiting to see what mood he is in at any given time. He basically ignored me first time I saw him next after the outburst...which was fine by me. Second time he tried putting on the friendly, nice guy act....not buying it...'Hi, here you go, kids need/want/ have xyz, seeya!'
Pfft! I have a spy on my side. I KNOW what he does, what he says, and I know what I see, the 2 are astonishingly different....
He's trying to play, and I am, now, choosing not to :-)
K
Showing posts with label Arsehat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Arsehat. Show all posts
23 June 2008
19 June 2008
And he's still barking!
I did fuck up though.
I accidentally packed 1 of DD's shoes & 1 of DS's Oopsies!
The phone rang at 8am, I was still in bed so didn't answer it. If it was important, whoever it was would leave a message or call my mobile right? WRONG!
My mobile rings at about 11am, I saw it was the AH...
He's pissed!
Asked where I was this morning?
I lied and said I was out, I only did this because I realised it must have been him that called & because well, it none of his fucking business!
And then he starts on about the shoes, swearing, screaming and carrying on.
I apologised and said it was a mistake on my part.
But, as per usual, he only sees the world through his eyes. From his perfect self, who does no wrong, NEVER makes a mistake Oh No, not the Supreme Being that is the Arse Hat!
He was telling me how fucked up I am, that I need to get my shit together, how I am ALWAYS forgetting something YADA YADA YADA.
So I said "Excuse me, but I am not going to sit here and allow you to carry on, Goodbye!"
And hung up!
I don't think he heard me, but that's not my problem.
What he did, faced with a shoeless child, rather than phone & leave a message, or do something 'normal' like call my mobile, I live close to the school so it would have added another 5 minutes to his trip. Or even send her to school in her normal school shoes. No, he took her to the shops, bought her new shoes, took her to school late, got to work late...AND then rings me to hurl abuse. He's such a clever man!
He tried ringing me after I hung up, I ignored it, then sent him text, telling him to remember HE isn't perfect, HE forgets things & basically to get over himself, and direct his abuse elsewhere.
He has dropped the kids stuff off. He didn't knock & I didn't go out.
But guess what?
Somebody FORGOT to pack DS footy shoes.
Hmmm wonder who that could have been. Certainly NOT the perfect specimen of Human life.
I really want to ring him and hurl abuse about it. But that's not me.
Maybe I'll send a text.
Or maybe I should go buy new footy boots then ring him and blame him.
Yep...that makes much more sense!
K
I accidentally packed 1 of DD's shoes & 1 of DS's Oopsies!
The phone rang at 8am, I was still in bed so didn't answer it. If it was important, whoever it was would leave a message or call my mobile right? WRONG!
My mobile rings at about 11am, I saw it was the AH...
He's pissed!
Asked where I was this morning?
I lied and said I was out, I only did this because I realised it must have been him that called & because well, it none of his fucking business!
And then he starts on about the shoes, swearing, screaming and carrying on.
I apologised and said it was a mistake on my part.
But, as per usual, he only sees the world through his eyes. From his perfect self, who does no wrong, NEVER makes a mistake Oh No, not the Supreme Being that is the Arse Hat!
He was telling me how fucked up I am, that I need to get my shit together, how I am ALWAYS forgetting something YADA YADA YADA.
So I said "Excuse me, but I am not going to sit here and allow you to carry on, Goodbye!"
And hung up!
I don't think he heard me, but that's not my problem.
What he did, faced with a shoeless child, rather than phone & leave a message, or do something 'normal' like call my mobile, I live close to the school so it would have added another 5 minutes to his trip. Or even send her to school in her normal school shoes. No, he took her to the shops, bought her new shoes, took her to school late, got to work late...AND then rings me to hurl abuse. He's such a clever man!
He tried ringing me after I hung up, I ignored it, then sent him text, telling him to remember HE isn't perfect, HE forgets things & basically to get over himself, and direct his abuse elsewhere.
He has dropped the kids stuff off. He didn't knock & I didn't go out.
But guess what?
Somebody FORGOT to pack DS footy shoes.
Hmmm wonder who that could have been. Certainly NOT the perfect specimen of Human life.
I really want to ring him and hurl abuse about it. But that's not me.
Maybe I'll send a text.
Or maybe I should go buy new footy boots then ring him and blame him.
Yep...that makes much more sense!
K
18 June 2008
Fuck him & the dog he rode in on!
Yeah I know it's supposed to be horse, but dogs don't ride horses...they ride dogs!
Oh and if you haven't figured it out, this is going to be a rant! So feel free to leave at any time!
The fucking ARSEHAT is pissing me off soooo much ATM, he gets me so fucking angry I shake & just want to wring his fucking steroid enhanced fat fucker neck!
He has the kids tonight. We still exchange "stuff" because even though he has clothes there, we still need to exchange School clothing & the kids security stuff (blankies, teddies etc). On Wednesdays we don't bother with toys etc, leave that for the weekend, when we need to go to each others places anyway.
Anyhoo, I get a call at just after 6.30pm...
AH: "Hi, it's me, I need to drop down and get undies"
Me: "Oh, you don't have undies?"
AH: "No (insert smug tone) can I come down?"
Me: "Yeah of course, I'll give you a handful, I thought you had clothes and everything"
AH: "I do! but not undies!"
Me: "OK, see you soon, bye!"
I should have just said right there and then...."go buy them some fucking undies"...but I'm afraid I'm not quick on my feet like that.
Or I should have said "When will you be here?" because he has a tendency to NEVER fucking stick to a time....but I'm afraid...some lessons I am learning the slow way.....WAYYY tooo farking sloooowwwwww!
So I sit, and I wait, and I watch some TV, and have a drink, have a few ciggies...la dee dahhhh.
I remove evidence of what I was doing, nothing naughty or abnormal, just I prefer to keep my ME time to me IYKWIM. It is MY night off right???
Then it hits 7.45pm, and I'm kind of panicking, a lot annoyed, and very curious as to where he is.
And I need cig's.
He lives 10 mins away...15 max in peak hour....if you are popping in, would that not infer you are coming sooner rather than later? If you had planned on doing things PRIOR to popping over, wouldn't you give notice to the person...I dunno...like I'll be about an hour...or we have to eat dinner, have showers, THEN we will 'pop' over?? Heh, common courtesy is rare these days...maybe I am too optimistic! Especially seeing he is the most self righteous, egotistical, fucking soft cock that has ever adorned this planet earth!
So I ring both his mobiles...no answer! So I send him a text " I need to go to the shops, won't be long"
So I duck out, shops aren't far...my phone rings... I scramble and miss it, but see it was him, so I continue. Then I call both mobiles again...straight to voicemail....leave a msg...saying I missed your call but where are you and what is happening? He phones me and starts going OFF fucking this fucking that, what the fuck you going to the shops, fuck you, fuck this, fuck that.....I'm reeling...
Me: "Excuse me!...where are the kids while you are going off?"
AH:"Oh...in the next aisle" bullshit!
Me: "You rang OVER an hour ago saying you would 'pop' in"
AH: "WE HAD TO FUCKING EAT DINNER AND.." (yes, he was screaming at me)
Me: "Yeah ease up! You could have had the courtesy of telling me, I had to go to the shop, you hadn't shown up, so I had the courtesy of sending you a text, to let you know I wouldn't be far in case you decided to show up!" Fucking ARSEHAT!
AH: "Fuck, well we're at the fucking supermarket now, and I have to fucking buy them fucking undies"
Me: "Good for you" Fuck off cock sucker!
AH: "They'll call you when we get home, and we have to discuss E's lunch!"
Yeah well I just hung up then & screamed at the phone!
Then came on here!
Then the kids rang to say goodnight.
Then AH got on the phone to 'discuss' E's lunch, nice as pie of course...possibly because YET AGAIN he is swapping our days, times..to suit him!
(Yet he is telling OTHERS the opposite...but as usual I'll leave that for another post....possibly titled Stalker #2 = Double Agent)
OK I have cooled off a tad now, but now he has ruined my night, I was gung-ho into my Feng Shui stuff when he first called, then packed it away (that's my little obsession ATM).... I know I shouldn't and I guess more time will change that side of things....but I'm really pissed! If I ran out of undies....would I call him???? I don't call him for shit! Yet he deems it fine to call me for anything....maybe I need to tell him that...again! I get 2 nights off a week....he gets 5! I don't call him, if he has a problem DEAL WITH IT!
Oh and a small disclaimer: my keyboard is fucking up majorly...I thought I was typing bad the past week or so, but realised my keyboard is the issue, so if there are really bad grammar errors I apologise (knowing full well I have grammar trouble at the best of times)
I'm off to pull out my feng shui again.
K
Oh and if you haven't figured it out, this is going to be a rant! So feel free to leave at any time!
The fucking ARSEHAT is pissing me off soooo much ATM, he gets me so fucking angry I shake & just want to wring his fucking steroid enhanced fat fucker neck!
He has the kids tonight. We still exchange "stuff" because even though he has clothes there, we still need to exchange School clothing & the kids security stuff (blankies, teddies etc). On Wednesdays we don't bother with toys etc, leave that for the weekend, when we need to go to each others places anyway.
Anyhoo, I get a call at just after 6.30pm...
AH: "Hi, it's me, I need to drop down and get undies"
Me: "Oh, you don't have undies?"
AH: "No (insert smug tone) can I come down?"
Me: "Yeah of course, I'll give you a handful, I thought you had clothes and everything"
AH: "I do! but not undies!"
Me: "OK, see you soon, bye!"
I should have just said right there and then...."go buy them some fucking undies"...but I'm afraid I'm not quick on my feet like that.
Or I should have said "When will you be here?" because he has a tendency to NEVER fucking stick to a time....but I'm afraid...some lessons I am learning the slow way.....WAYYY tooo farking sloooowwwwww!
So I sit, and I wait, and I watch some TV, and have a drink, have a few ciggies...la dee dahhhh.
I remove evidence of what I was doing, nothing naughty or abnormal, just I prefer to keep my ME time to me IYKWIM. It is MY night off right???
Then it hits 7.45pm, and I'm kind of panicking, a lot annoyed, and very curious as to where he is.
And I need cig's.
He lives 10 mins away...15 max in peak hour....if you are popping in, would that not infer you are coming sooner rather than later? If you had planned on doing things PRIOR to popping over, wouldn't you give notice to the person...I dunno...like I'll be about an hour...or we have to eat dinner, have showers, THEN we will 'pop' over?? Heh, common courtesy is rare these days...maybe I am too optimistic! Especially seeing he is the most self righteous, egotistical, fucking soft cock that has ever adorned this planet earth!
So I ring both his mobiles...no answer! So I send him a text " I need to go to the shops, won't be long"
So I duck out, shops aren't far...my phone rings... I scramble and miss it, but see it was him, so I continue. Then I call both mobiles again...straight to voicemail....leave a msg...saying I missed your call but where are you and what is happening? He phones me and starts going OFF fucking this fucking that, what the fuck you going to the shops, fuck you, fuck this, fuck that.....I'm reeling...
Me: "Excuse me!...where are the kids while you are going off?"
AH:"Oh...in the next aisle" bullshit!
Me: "You rang OVER an hour ago saying you would 'pop' in"
AH: "WE HAD TO FUCKING EAT DINNER AND.." (yes, he was screaming at me)
Me: "Yeah ease up! You could have had the courtesy of telling me, I had to go to the shop, you hadn't shown up, so I had the courtesy of sending you a text, to let you know I wouldn't be far in case you decided to show up!" Fucking ARSEHAT!
AH: "Fuck, well we're at the fucking supermarket now, and I have to fucking buy them fucking undies"
Me: "Good for you" Fuck off cock sucker!
AH: "They'll call you when we get home, and we have to discuss E's lunch!"
Yeah well I just hung up then & screamed at the phone!
Then came on here!
Then the kids rang to say goodnight.
Then AH got on the phone to 'discuss' E's lunch, nice as pie of course...possibly because YET AGAIN he is swapping our days, times..to suit him!
(Yet he is telling OTHERS the opposite...but as usual I'll leave that for another post....possibly titled Stalker #2 = Double Agent)
OK I have cooled off a tad now, but now he has ruined my night, I was gung-ho into my Feng Shui stuff when he first called, then packed it away (that's my little obsession ATM).... I know I shouldn't and I guess more time will change that side of things....but I'm really pissed! If I ran out of undies....would I call him???? I don't call him for shit! Yet he deems it fine to call me for anything....maybe I need to tell him that...again! I get 2 nights off a week....he gets 5! I don't call him, if he has a problem DEAL WITH IT!
Oh and a small disclaimer: my keyboard is fucking up majorly...I thought I was typing bad the past week or so, but realised my keyboard is the issue, so if there are really bad grammar errors I apologise (knowing full well I have grammar trouble at the best of times)
I'm off to pull out my feng shui again.
K
09 June 2008
Catch-up! (and vent...oop where did that come from)
Had a busy week last week, with the course from hell, Dr's visits, and a job interview!
Yeah! Finally! Not entirely rapt with the job, and the more time that passes the worse I think the interview went, but it was an interview, so I'm happy with that. I didn't vomit, hyperventilate, swear, or say anything too stupid....so a Success! No matter what the outcome is! There have been a few jobs I've applied for lately that just seem ideal....so fingers crossed....speaking of fingers...I need to pull mine out and finish an application I'm half way through.....it's one of those tedious long and detailed pieces of shit that drive me up the wall!!!! But the job would be ideal!
I had my scan & follow up with my GP...not much to tell really....nothing is REALLY wrong...but nothing is really right either... My Gall Bladder is clear, apart from a small growth, which apparently I shouldn't worry about, and apparently shouldn't be causing my pain. There is a cyst on my kidney, which apparently is nothing to worry about, and apparently shouldn't be causing my pain either. My cholesterol is a bit off but again is apparently....well see above. My white cell count is a bit off....see above again. Some other levels are a bit off....again see above. So what is the outcome?
Keep taking the pills to help with stomach acid.
Stop drinking.
Eat healthier.
Exercise more.
Try and quit the fags.
Drink more water, less coffee.
Go back in 8 weeks and test again.
If pain continues go back sooner.
*Sigh* I feel like I've got fucking no where! So what did I do after my non-diagnosis?
I hit the town with an internet buddy that was visiting from another state and had a night of drunken debauchery, kissed a stranger, crawled in my door at 5am and slept till 2pm. It's not ALL bad.... I danced my arse off so that counts as exercise right??
Since then my self sabotage has kicked in full force....and I've been living on chocolate & lollies & softdrink.....which is just not like me....someone up there in my screwed up head is hitting the rebel button....you'd think at my age I'd be over that....but obviously not!
Onto other things...We finally had our appointment with the ENT for DD, and he's booked her in for grommets & a possible adnoidectomy. I didn't go the surgeon who did it last time....I took her to the Private Hospital. The ENT was gorgeous, and knew all about ED as his best mate in school had it....that was a nice surprise....mention ED and you normally get a blank look lol. But here's the shocker...she is booked in for the 18th of THIS MONTH! Fucking nearly fell off my chair!! It took over 6 months for the last op!
The ArseHat isn't happy though...of course, why would he be! When I told him, his only comment was that he couldn't afford it & that now she couldn't do swimming!!!
Fucktard!!!
The SAME man who has been quite vocal that "MONEY IS NO ISSUE WHEN IT COMES TO MY KIDS HEALTH!"
The same bloke who is back to his old drinking ways....What? $30+ a day.
The same bloke who is going Clubbing every weekend, so can't have the kids extra nights.
The same bloke who is back on drugs as well.
And the swimming comment?!?!?! WTF!!! Options...1: DD gets to go to swimming lessons once a week, she knows how to swim, it was just recreational. 2: DD stops having painful ear infections, fevers, further nose/throat problems as a result or ear issues, can ACTUALLY HEAR and participate in class properly AND learn, and stop missing school and life around her....hmmmm....You know he's right......very difficult choice....Moron!
I still have to chase up the exact cost, but it will get worked out somehow.
He fucking RILES me up! The amount of money he spent on fucking Hookers, the money he spends on the kids(bought them a Wii just for the hell of it), and everything mentioned above...How Fucking DARE he even THINK that he can't afford his half.....LET ALONE FUCKING SAY it out loud!
OK I weren't going to to do a psycho post....but well, it's out now....going to go SCREAM into my pillow or something now!
K
Yeah! Finally! Not entirely rapt with the job, and the more time that passes the worse I think the interview went, but it was an interview, so I'm happy with that. I didn't vomit, hyperventilate, swear, or say anything too stupid....so a Success! No matter what the outcome is! There have been a few jobs I've applied for lately that just seem ideal....so fingers crossed....speaking of fingers...I need to pull mine out and finish an application I'm half way through.....it's one of those tedious long and detailed pieces of shit that drive me up the wall!!!! But the job would be ideal!
I had my scan & follow up with my GP...not much to tell really....nothing is REALLY wrong...but nothing is really right either... My Gall Bladder is clear, apart from a small growth, which apparently I shouldn't worry about, and apparently shouldn't be causing my pain. There is a cyst on my kidney, which apparently is nothing to worry about, and apparently shouldn't be causing my pain either. My cholesterol is a bit off but again is apparently....well see above. My white cell count is a bit off....see above again. Some other levels are a bit off....again see above. So what is the outcome?
Keep taking the pills to help with stomach acid.
Stop drinking.
Eat healthier.
Exercise more.
Try and quit the fags.
Drink more water, less coffee.
Go back in 8 weeks and test again.
If pain continues go back sooner.
*Sigh* I feel like I've got fucking no where! So what did I do after my non-diagnosis?
I hit the town with an internet buddy that was visiting from another state and had a night of drunken debauchery, kissed a stranger, crawled in my door at 5am and slept till 2pm. It's not ALL bad.... I danced my arse off so that counts as exercise right??
Since then my self sabotage has kicked in full force....and I've been living on chocolate & lollies & softdrink.....which is just not like me....someone up there in my screwed up head is hitting the rebel button....you'd think at my age I'd be over that....but obviously not!
Onto other things...We finally had our appointment with the ENT for DD, and he's booked her in for grommets & a possible adnoidectomy. I didn't go the surgeon who did it last time....I took her to the Private Hospital. The ENT was gorgeous, and knew all about ED as his best mate in school had it....that was a nice surprise....mention ED and you normally get a blank look lol. But here's the shocker...she is booked in for the 18th of THIS MONTH! Fucking nearly fell off my chair!! It took over 6 months for the last op!
The ArseHat isn't happy though...of course, why would he be! When I told him, his only comment was that he couldn't afford it & that now she couldn't do swimming!!!
Fucktard!!!
The SAME man who has been quite vocal that "MONEY IS NO ISSUE WHEN IT COMES TO MY KIDS HEALTH!"
The same bloke who is back to his old drinking ways....What? $30+ a day.
The same bloke who is going Clubbing every weekend, so can't have the kids extra nights.
The same bloke who is back on drugs as well.
And the swimming comment?!?!?! WTF!!! Options...1: DD gets to go to swimming lessons once a week, she knows how to swim, it was just recreational. 2: DD stops having painful ear infections, fevers, further nose/throat problems as a result or ear issues, can ACTUALLY HEAR and participate in class properly AND learn, and stop missing school and life around her....hmmmm....You know he's right......very difficult choice....Moron!
I still have to chase up the exact cost, but it will get worked out somehow.
He fucking RILES me up! The amount of money he spent on fucking Hookers, the money he spends on the kids(bought them a Wii just for the hell of it), and everything mentioned above...How Fucking DARE he even THINK that he can't afford his half.....LET ALONE FUCKING SAY it out loud!
OK I weren't going to to do a psycho post....but well, it's out now....going to go SCREAM into my pillow or something now!
K
05 June 2008
AH is a soft-cock! (And my tourettes finally came out)
I don't know if you recall, when I found out the AH had been visiting some fine establishments in the neighbourhood, and due to previous threats, I felt the need to keep my information to myself, for my own safety, until I had a plan....a plan to kick his arse to the curb...girlfriend! Oops sorry couldn't help myself on that last bit...and sorry for the wayyyy too long sentence.
Anyways if your memory is short....and I'm not judging all you 3 or 4 readers...as mine is abysmal...not even sure who i was just on the phone to....I digress... HERE is my post from wayyy back then ;-p
Well I had trouble....Homer Simpson trouble...I was never quite sure if I'd actually said "HOOKER" out loud....cos it was running thru my mind like a fucking tornado 24hours a day! But I had to keep things to myself.....NOT EASY!
But as I say... "It'll all come out in the wash"
And it did just recently.
The AH was here when he was in his uber-friendly-just-found-myself-a-bach-pad stage.
Couldn't have been more lovely, when our GP came up in conversation. (Who I'll just call 'Dr' here)
AH: "Go see Dr on Monday....he's an arsehole though"
Me: "I will, why is he an arsehole"
AH: "I got this rash....down there....so I went to see him...shaved my pubes and all"
Me: *starts giggling uncontrollably* "Why is he an arsehole?"
AH: "He lectured me about drinking....blah blah blah"
ME: *near fitting with laughter* "Ohhh I can't say it, I can't say it, I can't say it, I can't say it.."
AH *looks at me quizzically* "say what?"
Me: "...I can't say it....I can't say it....FUCK IT...yes I can......HOOKER!" *start roaring in laughter*
AH *trying to hide his annoyance* "I don't do that anymore...."
Me: " I don't care anymore" *Roaring in laughter still*
AH leaves!
LOL
Maybe his dick will fall off! But in the meantime it was nice to finally let it out!
K
Anyways if your memory is short....and I'm not judging all you 3 or 4 readers...as mine is abysmal...not even sure who i was just on the phone to....I digress... HERE is my post from wayyy back then ;-p
Well I had trouble....Homer Simpson trouble...I was never quite sure if I'd actually said "HOOKER" out loud....cos it was running thru my mind like a fucking tornado 24hours a day! But I had to keep things to myself.....NOT EASY!
But as I say... "It'll all come out in the wash"
And it did just recently.
The AH was here when he was in his uber-friendly-just-found-myself-a-bach-pad stage.
Couldn't have been more lovely, when our GP came up in conversation. (Who I'll just call 'Dr' here)
AH: "Go see Dr on Monday....he's an arsehole though"
Me: "I will, why is he an arsehole"
AH: "I got this rash....down there....so I went to see him...shaved my pubes and all"
Me: *starts giggling uncontrollably* "Why is he an arsehole?"
AH: "He lectured me about drinking....blah blah blah"
ME: *near fitting with laughter* "Ohhh I can't say it, I can't say it, I can't say it, I can't say it.."
AH *looks at me quizzically* "say what?"
Me: "...I can't say it....I can't say it....FUCK IT...yes I can......HOOKER!" *start roaring in laughter*
AH *trying to hide his annoyance* "I don't do that anymore...."
Me: " I don't care anymore" *Roaring in laughter still*
AH leaves!
LOL
Maybe his dick will fall off! But in the meantime it was nice to finally let it out!
K
02 June 2008
Somethin' stinks out there!!!
Ohhh mah lordy!!!
I just walked past my daughters room, and thanked the heavens I'd already done my nightly "thank gawd they're asleep, kiss & lights out" routine, cos holy heck the stench pouring out of that room is enough to singe the hairs between your cheeks!
My wee little 6 year old angelic girl farts like a fucking elephant that has been force fed chilli's and beans for a month! And she doesn't eat either!
On other news...the stalker was back last night....just as I was drifting off into lala land....I fucking hate that! I texted back in my haze twice....then woke up enough to realise what was going on & ignored the continuing texts & 1 phone call....that continued past midnight! Sheesh! Someone forgot to post the bulletin that "Ima single mum wiff tooo kids!" and once I have my pills I don't last for more than an hour....tops!
Finally went back to the dr today...he took blood *ick*...gave me some more pills...and sent me for an ultrasound....could be gallbladder....could be pleurisy...could be supercalafragalisticexpialidotius....sigh....will keep on keeping on.....and hope some energy returns!
Tomorrow is officially my last day of the 3 week course from hell....but unofficially I have 3 days to make up....and then officially I have to continue on twice a week until someone decides they are worthy enough of having me grace their premises each day to drink coffee & surf the internet....oh and pay me handsomely just for the privilege...HA!
I pissed AH off tonight, and his plans got ruined....not my fault, but I didn't cop any abuse either, so no news there either....yes....getting VERY worried.
Think my life is getting too boring!
Kids have been thrown into turmoil again, by the AH finding his very own bach pad, feels like we're breaking up all over again....rough times....but I'm sure we'll be OK....am enjoying the extra cuddles....even if I do get screamed at for an hour before hand....
Well that'll do me for now.....off to curl up on the lounge and listen to the rain for a bit before I head off to bed....oh and drink a gallon of water.....kind of did a bit of overkill on the chocolate & ice cream tonight...oops! Can anyone say gallstones? I don't seem to have issues at night though....knock on wood ;-p Oh and still can't get over my weight loss....2 belt holes in a month!!! Crazy I tells ya! Sure it won't last with my recent sweet tooth though lol.
K
I just walked past my daughters room, and thanked the heavens I'd already done my nightly "thank gawd they're asleep, kiss & lights out" routine, cos holy heck the stench pouring out of that room is enough to singe the hairs between your cheeks!
My wee little 6 year old angelic girl farts like a fucking elephant that has been force fed chilli's and beans for a month! And she doesn't eat either!
On other news...the stalker was back last night....just as I was drifting off into lala land....I fucking hate that! I texted back in my haze twice....then woke up enough to realise what was going on & ignored the continuing texts & 1 phone call....that continued past midnight! Sheesh! Someone forgot to post the bulletin that "Ima single mum wiff tooo kids!" and once I have my pills I don't last for more than an hour....tops!
Finally went back to the dr today...he took blood *ick*...gave me some more pills...and sent me for an ultrasound....could be gallbladder....could be pleurisy...could be supercalafragalisticexpialidotius....sigh....will keep on keeping on.....and hope some energy returns!
Tomorrow is officially my last day of the 3 week course from hell....but unofficially I have 3 days to make up....and then officially I have to continue on twice a week until someone decides they are worthy enough of having me grace their premises each day to drink coffee & surf the internet....oh and pay me handsomely just for the privilege...HA!
I pissed AH off tonight, and his plans got ruined....not my fault, but I didn't cop any abuse either, so no news there either....yes....getting VERY worried.
Think my life is getting too boring!
Kids have been thrown into turmoil again, by the AH finding his very own bach pad, feels like we're breaking up all over again....rough times....but I'm sure we'll be OK....am enjoying the extra cuddles....even if I do get screamed at for an hour before hand....
Well that'll do me for now.....off to curl up on the lounge and listen to the rain for a bit before I head off to bed....oh and drink a gallon of water.....kind of did a bit of overkill on the chocolate & ice cream tonight...oops! Can anyone say gallstones? I don't seem to have issues at night though....knock on wood ;-p Oh and still can't get over my weight loss....2 belt holes in a month!!! Crazy I tells ya! Sure it won't last with my recent sweet tooth though lol.
K
30 May 2008
Kid free night's ramblings.......
Well another week over!
My mood of late has been a bit crazy....I'm really considering cutting back on my meds, but due to bad experiences, and bad judgement in the past I am hesitant.....I will speak to someone first, but it is playing on my mind.
I'm having crazy lows......BAD lows....not just being apathetic and hiding on the puter or curling up on the lounge.
I'm having crazy highs....like today I got all OCD on the loungeroom...then when it was sparkling I couldn't stop looking at the damn bookcase, and how it needs moving, the books need rearranging, the books need cleaning....alarm bells ringing...who? exactly *cleans* their books.... my dishes need doing but instead I scrubbed spots off the floor that are probably invisible to the naked eye.....
And my "inbetweens" aren't so great! They're my anxious times. My body isn't playing nice ATM. I'm having really bad muscle & joint aches, which sometimes have me in tears, and sometimes just leave me pondering that something is just NQR. My stomach is still wreaking it's own havoc, I find it hard to eat anything more than a piece of toast, without struggling to keep it down...drinking isn't a problem...but again if I go over a certain amount, it threatens to repeat itself.....and again pains that take my breath away. Not to mention the 'arthritis' in my knee which at the mo is waking me up every night!!! That IS PAIN people...luckily childbirth has taught me to breath through it and it only lasts a few minutes at a time.
Moving on...I am still at the "farking course from HELL "......I can bag it till the cows come home...only because my house suffers, and I could do so much more at home. But mostly the folks there are great, really, they are! And one positive I haven't mentioned I don't think, is that something FORCING me out of the house everyday is brilliant. As much as I say I WAS agoraphobic...I still am....I still struggle to leave the house most days...I still dread the drive to the 'course', I still dread walking in, finding something to say, being amongst people. But once I'm there I tend to speak freely, make acquaintances, apply for jobs, and mostly GAIN CONFIDENCE THAT I CAN SURVIVE IN REALITY! I have been petrified of getting an interview, to the point that I was WAY too picky over jobs I was applying for. Now I am applying for anything, and thinking that an interview....any interview...would be great experience if nothing else. I have expressed my anxiety to a couple of people & they have been sooo supportive, a few even gave their own stories of debilitating anxiety. I am sure I may continue to bag it, seeing I just discovered once my *3 weeks* are up, I still need to go in twice a week, and it REALLY can be frustrating/boring/mind-numbing etc etc....but if all else fails I'll start a tafe course LOL!
Other matters....let's see.....
AH still being *nice*. He was a bit short with me today, but still has me concerned.
The bloke I knew through AH has been stalking me again. I told him we couldn't have anymore contact as long as it was kept a 'secret'.......all had to be laid out or STOP CALLING ME! But he keeps texting & phoning....I ignore both, hoping he will soon get the message! But it stops for a week or so then I get bombarded with "R U there" "R U OK" "Can I call" and my favourite "R U on" ....lol on what? He's drug-fucked...so what can I say.
Oh speaking of drug fucked...there is this guy at a local shop who I thought was quite cute, he was nice and all, but our conversations rarely went past Hi, how you going? kinda stuff...and he was ALWAYS in a rush.... Today I had reason to go into deeper discussion & well, I think he is speeding or coked out of his brain LOL...I have such great taste!
Think I'd better stick to the *single* gig just a tad longer....like a decade or so!
OK I think I can safely open my bottle of red now....was a bit too eager before, at 5.30pm....need to call the kids soon so think I'm safe...off to set up the Wii and have a partay ;-p
K
My mood of late has been a bit crazy....I'm really considering cutting back on my meds, but due to bad experiences, and bad judgement in the past I am hesitant.....I will speak to someone first, but it is playing on my mind.
I'm having crazy lows......BAD lows....not just being apathetic and hiding on the puter or curling up on the lounge.
I'm having crazy highs....like today I got all OCD on the loungeroom...then when it was sparkling I couldn't stop looking at the damn bookcase, and how it needs moving, the books need rearranging, the books need cleaning....alarm bells ringing...who? exactly *cleans* their books.... my dishes need doing but instead I scrubbed spots off the floor that are probably invisible to the naked eye.....
And my "inbetweens" aren't so great! They're my anxious times. My body isn't playing nice ATM. I'm having really bad muscle & joint aches, which sometimes have me in tears, and sometimes just leave me pondering that something is just NQR. My stomach is still wreaking it's own havoc, I find it hard to eat anything more than a piece of toast, without struggling to keep it down...drinking isn't a problem...but again if I go over a certain amount, it threatens to repeat itself.....and again pains that take my breath away. Not to mention the 'arthritis' in my knee which at the mo is waking me up every night!!! That IS PAIN people...luckily childbirth has taught me to breath through it and it only lasts a few minutes at a time.
Moving on...I am still at the "farking course from HELL "......I can bag it till the cows come home...only because my house suffers, and I could do so much more at home. But mostly the folks there are great, really, they are! And one positive I haven't mentioned I don't think, is that something FORCING me out of the house everyday is brilliant. As much as I say I WAS agoraphobic...I still am....I still struggle to leave the house most days...I still dread the drive to the 'course', I still dread walking in, finding something to say, being amongst people. But once I'm there I tend to speak freely, make acquaintances, apply for jobs, and mostly GAIN CONFIDENCE THAT I CAN SURVIVE IN REALITY! I have been petrified of getting an interview, to the point that I was WAY too picky over jobs I was applying for. Now I am applying for anything, and thinking that an interview....any interview...would be great experience if nothing else. I have expressed my anxiety to a couple of people & they have been sooo supportive, a few even gave their own stories of debilitating anxiety. I am sure I may continue to bag it, seeing I just discovered once my *3 weeks* are up, I still need to go in twice a week, and it REALLY can be frustrating/boring/mind-numbing etc etc....but if all else fails I'll start a tafe course LOL!
Other matters....let's see.....
AH still being *nice*. He was a bit short with me today, but still has me concerned.
The bloke I knew through AH has been stalking me again. I told him we couldn't have anymore contact as long as it was kept a 'secret'.......all had to be laid out or STOP CALLING ME! But he keeps texting & phoning....I ignore both, hoping he will soon get the message! But it stops for a week or so then I get bombarded with "R U there" "R U OK" "Can I call" and my favourite "R U on" ....lol on what? He's drug-fucked...so what can I say.
Oh speaking of drug fucked...there is this guy at a local shop who I thought was quite cute, he was nice and all, but our conversations rarely went past Hi, how you going? kinda stuff...and he was ALWAYS in a rush.... Today I had reason to go into deeper discussion & well, I think he is speeding or coked out of his brain LOL...I have such great taste!
Think I'd better stick to the *single* gig just a tad longer....like a decade or so!
OK I think I can safely open my bottle of red now....was a bit too eager before, at 5.30pm....need to call the kids soon so think I'm safe...off to set up the Wii and have a partay ;-p
K
27 May 2008
More useless dribble...
I've been sick...yes, again....I would normally say I NEVER get sick, but the last few months have proven me wrong, so I won't even go there.
I've had so much time away from the puter it's not funny, well not for an addict like me, I have about 60 blogs to catch up on, no time for my regular groupstherapy. No Puter is a sign I was really sick, and still am, fuck knows whats wrong really but I look like death, so everyone's telling me, and I just can't get back to right. I do feel better though, so I'll stop the whine.
The kids were sick too.
I have missed 3 days of the training from hell, due to either mine or the kids illness, which would be FINE if it was the job from hell....but NOOOO I have to do the time no matter what! So the 3 weeks is now drawn out to 3 fucking weeks, 3 fucked up days....give me strength!
DR told me to have today off today, but I stomached food, so went in, and they MADE me do a FUCKING MOCK interview....IN! FRONT! OF! EVERYONE!....Shit like that makes me want to vomit & run at the best of times...but seeing my stomach is shredded & enjoys vomiting any which way it likes at the moment I WAS NOT HAPPY!
I got through it, and they were very kind.....me practically begging not to have to do it must have won me some sympathy votes...ARSEHOLES!
Other than that I've been an awesome mum!
Sunday I didn't leave the lounge (except to vomit & pee) but I still managed to teach my son how to defrost bread in the microwave & make a sandwich. Taught my daughter how to pour a drink. They managed to scale the neighbours fence without me to lift them. Taught my son how to run a shower for himself & his sister without burning either one of them! See I rock! Teaching them valuable life skills!
I did make the error of calling the AH when I was vomiting blood...my intention was for him to stay with the kids whilst I got myself to a dr....well best intentions and all that!
He's being TOO nice at the moment, and it has me concerned!
But on a good note, He finally picked up all his SHIT on Monday....and today...and well there's a couple of things here still....but most of it's gone..who am I kidding...I don't think it will ever be gone ...yeah 'just' the BBQ still...hmmmm....
Oh and I am sooo going for Mother Of The Year tonight! I spent 5 hours out at "work" (wink, wink), cooked a roast, FINISHED the dishes, did all homework, tidied the house, am cooking up some home-made chicken stock, supervised the neighbours kid.....AND did a science experiment with the kids!
Need to remember that when I have my normal nights lol!
Oh and did I mention I still hate the pill!!! It's fucking bloodweek AGAIN....ALREADY!!!! The neverending period finished about 2 weeks ago....FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FIXING? My skin is worse than ever as well!
OK it's probably not the pills fault this time, and more due to the fact my body has been choosing not to absorb anything recently....but FUCK!
Oh but I HAVEN'T gained weight! In fact, in the first time in 7 years? No...maybe 4?? I dunno...AGES... the scales have tipped UNDER 60kgs!! I would love to celebrate this but again it's not due to the pill or anything I have voluntarily done. And I feel like SHIT, so it kinda takes the shine off IYKWIM. Plus, lets be truthful....give me my old stomach back....and my old appetite, and it won't last long....
OK think the drugs are kicking in, best go check on kids & hit the hay myself *YAWN*
Enough spasticity (yes that is now a word!) from me for one night...or is it a week?
Later
K
I've had so much time away from the puter it's not funny, well not for an addict like me, I have about 60 blogs to catch up on, no time for my regular groups
The kids were sick too.
I have missed 3 days of the training from hell, due to either mine or the kids illness, which would be FINE if it was the job from hell....but NOOOO I have to do the time no matter what! So the 3 weeks is now drawn out to 3 fucking weeks, 3 fucked up days....give me strength!
DR told me to have today off today, but I stomached food, so went in, and they MADE me do a FUCKING MOCK interview....IN! FRONT! OF! EVERYONE!....Shit like that makes me want to vomit & run at the best of times...but seeing my stomach is shredded & enjoys vomiting any which way it likes at the moment I WAS NOT HAPPY!
I got through it, and they were very kind.....me practically begging not to have to do it must have won me some sympathy votes...ARSEHOLES!
Other than that I've been an awesome mum!
Sunday I didn't leave the lounge (except to vomit & pee) but I still managed to teach my son how to defrost bread in the microwave & make a sandwich. Taught my daughter how to pour a drink. They managed to scale the neighbours fence without me to lift them. Taught my son how to run a shower for himself & his sister without burning either one of them! See I rock! Teaching them valuable life skills!
I did make the error of calling the AH when I was vomiting blood...my intention was for him to stay with the kids whilst I got myself to a dr....well best intentions and all that!
He's being TOO nice at the moment, and it has me concerned!
But on a good note, He finally picked up all his SHIT on Monday....and today...and well there's a couple of things here still....but most of it's gone..
Oh and I am sooo going for Mother Of The Year tonight! I spent 5 hours out at "work" (wink, wink), cooked a roast, FINISHED the dishes, did all homework, tidied the house, am cooking up some home-made chicken stock, supervised the neighbours kid.....AND did a science experiment with the kids!
Need to remember that when I have my normal nights lol!
Oh and did I mention I still hate the pill!!! It's fucking bloodweek AGAIN....ALREADY!!!! The neverending period finished about 2 weeks ago....FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FIXING? My skin is worse than ever as well!
OK it's probably not the pills fault this time, and more due to the fact my body has been choosing not to absorb anything recently....but FUCK!
Oh but I HAVEN'T gained weight! In fact, in the first time in 7 years? No...maybe 4?? I dunno...AGES... the scales have tipped UNDER 60kgs!! I would love to celebrate this but again it's not due to the pill or anything I have voluntarily done. And I feel like SHIT, so it kinda takes the shine off IYKWIM. Plus, lets be truthful....give me my old stomach back....and my old appetite, and it won't last long....
OK think the drugs are kicking in, best go check on kids & hit the hay myself *YAWN*
Enough spasticity (yes that is now a word!) from me for one night...or is it a week?
Later
K
16 May 2008
I've been a bad blogger...
Again....
Oopsy!
Nothing much to write about.
Kids are doing well, but aren't really giving me anything blogworthy.
AH the same.
As I am yet to find work, Centrelink have put me in this 'program', and I use that term very loosely...so I am there every day from 9am to 1pm for 3 weeks. Mah Holeee Farking Hell! I'd rather watch paint dry, or chew on glass or something. A group of us sit in a room, where you are not allowed to bring food or drink, and look through papers, and search the internet for work. We can use their computers and their phone, fax, copier etc etc.
Problem is, I do all this at home, and my computer isn't from the fucking dark ages, so it doesn't take me an hour to send one fucking application! And you have to share the computers....so you sit there chatting cos you have read the *1* paper in the first 10 minutes, but it isn't your turn on the fucking dinosaur of a computer!
And then you contemplate stabbing yourself in the eye with a pen.
Then you are distracted by the morons there, who openly have NO INTENTION of finding a job. EVAH! making fart noises....and doing 'druggo' jokes and I feel like I am back in Year 8 rollcall.
Then I wonder if papercuts are enough to allow me to bleed to death....or at the very least have an ambulance called so I can get the FUCK outta there!
Then they tell us we have a 10minute break....which is only enough time to repark my car, so I don't have to pay $6 a day for the sheer joy of my eyes and ears bleeding..... and get a ciggie in.
So I break their "no food & drink" rule and take my coffee back into the room.
What are they gonna do......all the staff there look like they are just out of daycare!
I'm SUCH a REBEL!
So exciting stuff huh....3 days down....12 to go...*SIGH*
On a happier note!
It is 6 months since I kicked the AH to the curb...WOOHOO!
I don't think I am going to be able to afford that trip to Phuket for the 12month anniversary...but hey you never know....could find myself a sugar daddy ;-)
And I have a friend coming to visit for the weekend...so I plan on leading her astray and being the BAD influence that I am BWAHAHA!!! Well after the kids are in bed!
And after I drop them at their dad's tomorrow night...have to work with what I've got people!
And I waffle on as usual...and change the subject 50 times...but that is what I do best :-)
Happy Weekend Everyone!
K
Oopsy!
Nothing much to write about.
Kids are doing well, but aren't really giving me anything blogworthy.
AH the same.
As I am yet to find work, Centrelink have put me in this 'program', and I use that term very loosely...so I am there every day from 9am to 1pm for 3 weeks. Mah Holeee Farking Hell! I'd rather watch paint dry, or chew on glass or something. A group of us sit in a room, where you are not allowed to bring food or drink, and look through papers, and search the internet for work. We can use their computers and their phone, fax, copier etc etc.
Problem is, I do all this at home, and my computer isn't from the fucking dark ages, so it doesn't take me an hour to send one fucking application! And you have to share the computers....so you sit there chatting cos you have read the *1* paper in the first 10 minutes, but it isn't your turn on the fucking dinosaur of a computer!
And then you contemplate stabbing yourself in the eye with a pen.
Then you are distracted by the morons there, who openly have NO INTENTION of finding a job. EVAH! making fart noises....and doing 'druggo' jokes and I feel like I am back in Year 8 rollcall.
Then I wonder if papercuts are enough to allow me to bleed to death....or at the very least have an ambulance called so I can get the FUCK outta there!
Then they tell us we have a 10minute break....which is only enough time to repark my car, so I don't have to pay $6 a day for the sheer joy of my eyes and ears bleeding..... and get a ciggie in.
So I break their "no food & drink" rule and take my coffee back into the room.
What are they gonna do......all the staff there look like they are just out of daycare!
I'm SUCH a REBEL!
So exciting stuff huh....3 days down....12 to go...*SIGH*
On a happier note!
It is 6 months since I kicked the AH to the curb...WOOHOO!
I don't think I am going to be able to afford that trip to Phuket for the 12month anniversary...but hey you never know....could find myself a sugar daddy ;-)
And I have a friend coming to visit for the weekend...so I plan on leading her astray and being the BAD influence that I am BWAHAHA!!! Well after the kids are in bed!
And after I drop them at their dad's tomorrow night...have to work with what I've got people!
And I waffle on as usual...and change the subject 50 times...but that is what I do best :-)
Happy Weekend Everyone!
K
02 May 2008
Times are a changin'
The AH has found a house. Apparently.
A 2nd home for my kids.
It will be interesting to see how things pan out from now on.
In mediation we discussed changes for when he found somewhere to call his own.
I am curious to see whether they come to fruition.
I also discovered yesterday that he is not having them for the amount of time he had agreed upon.
It will be interesting to see if he now makes that time up.
I got the bill for term 2 school fees yesterday also.
I am still paying off term 1.
I have emailed him asking for help with school fees from now on.
No response yet.
Can't wait for that one.
I am applying for 3 jobs today that I feel I actually have a chance of getting.
Working Fridays.
So he will have to pick the kids up from school on his Fridays or pay for after school care.
BWAHAHA!
Wonder if he's gonna step up to the Parental Plate, or continue being Mr Disney Dad.
I guess only time will tell.
K
A 2nd home for my kids.
It will be interesting to see how things pan out from now on.
In mediation we discussed changes for when he found somewhere to call his own.
I am curious to see whether they come to fruition.
I also discovered yesterday that he is not having them for the amount of time he had agreed upon.
It will be interesting to see if he now makes that time up.
I got the bill for term 2 school fees yesterday also.
I am still paying off term 1.
I have emailed him asking for help with school fees from now on.
No response yet.
Can't wait for that one.
I am applying for 3 jobs today that I feel I actually have a chance of getting.
Working Fridays.
So he will have to pick the kids up from school on his Fridays or pay for after school care.
BWAHAHA!
Wonder if he's gonna step up to the Parental Plate, or continue being Mr Disney Dad.
I guess only time will tell.
K
16 April 2008
Bent
Well today marks 5 months since I seperated from the AH.
I didn't realise that till now, while I bide time, til I can call my babies & say goodnight.
Today I've been rather sloth like. Got up late, showered late, snuggled on the lounge under a blanket mostly. Contemplating my navel. Wondering where I go from here. Missing my kids.
I need a change.
I just so happened to watch Dr Phil & Oprah....2 things I rarely do...but what else does one do whilst avoiding the world, and having a one person pity party.
But I'm so glad I did.
On Dr Phil, there was a married couple, and it was the AH & I, 6 months ago.
He was abusive. Not physically, but mentally. Constant put-downs.....degrading....disrespectful...arrogant....egotistical...self righteous.....I could go on. He was a PIG! And despite Dr Phil "getting real" with him, him even agreeing with the Doc, he just didn't GET IT! This bloke was right ALL THE TIME. He was BETTER than everyone else. HIS way was the only way.
His wife, just sat there, like a broken shell of a person that once was. She uttered the words that she felt she should leave, but you could see she wouldn't. She was BROKEN. Worn down. Worthless. Fat. Ugly. A bad mother. A disgusting human being. Deserving nothing better than what this vile piece of a man....THIS COWARD....could give her. And what he could give her was NOTHING...she repulsed him.
BUT she was none of those things.
He hated her because of what she had become since they married.
But HE made her those things.
You get put down often enough and you DO believe it.
And even if you do break free, you still have those same messages drilled into you, until you change them, which is not easy.
I felt for her.
I felt for their kids.
AND I saw the AH for what he was, and is, and this PIG for what he is, and that some people just do not and can not change.
I CAN change. I just need to have my mind reprogrammed. The thrill of finally standing up for myself, and saying no more! has worn off & I've been stuck in limbo. Back in the pit of feeling worthless. I have some good days, but the bad days are increasing, so I see that I need to regain control of my life. Find what I like again. Reform friendships. Rebuild relationships.
Discover ME!
Then Oprah came on.....and TBH I don't like Oprah....it's usually mind numbing dribble to me. But today she had Louise L Hay on. And a few other guests. The show was on how powerful positive thinking is. I know this is true...it just has to be put into practise....I have done it before, and it has worked.
So I saw this as a sign.
I have her book "You can heal your life", so I am going to read it again.
I also have Dr Phils book "Self Matters", which I have struggled to get past chapter 1 as it was too confronting.
I will read that also.
I'm not saying a book can "fix" me...but I have to start somewhere....and once you take that first step, who knows where the path may lead.
K
I didn't realise that till now, while I bide time, til I can call my babies & say goodnight.
Today I've been rather sloth like. Got up late, showered late, snuggled on the lounge under a blanket mostly. Contemplating my navel. Wondering where I go from here. Missing my kids.
I need a change.
I just so happened to watch Dr Phil & Oprah....2 things I rarely do...but what else does one do whilst avoiding the world, and having a one person pity party.
But I'm so glad I did.
On Dr Phil, there was a married couple, and it was the AH & I, 6 months ago.
He was abusive. Not physically, but mentally. Constant put-downs.....degrading....disrespectful...arrogant....egotistical...self righteous.....I could go on. He was a PIG! And despite Dr Phil "getting real" with him, him even agreeing with the Doc, he just didn't GET IT! This bloke was right ALL THE TIME. He was BETTER than everyone else. HIS way was the only way.
His wife, just sat there, like a broken shell of a person that once was. She uttered the words that she felt she should leave, but you could see she wouldn't. She was BROKEN. Worn down. Worthless. Fat. Ugly. A bad mother. A disgusting human being. Deserving nothing better than what this vile piece of a man....THIS COWARD....could give her. And what he could give her was NOTHING...she repulsed him.
BUT she was none of those things.
He hated her because of what she had become since they married.
But HE made her those things.
You get put down often enough and you DO believe it.
And even if you do break free, you still have those same messages drilled into you, until you change them, which is not easy.
I felt for her.
I felt for their kids.
AND I saw the AH for what he was, and is, and this PIG for what he is, and that some people just do not and can not change.
I CAN change. I just need to have my mind reprogrammed. The thrill of finally standing up for myself, and saying no more! has worn off & I've been stuck in limbo. Back in the pit of feeling worthless. I have some good days, but the bad days are increasing, so I see that I need to regain control of my life. Find what I like again. Reform friendships. Rebuild relationships.
Discover ME!
Then Oprah came on.....and TBH I don't like Oprah....it's usually mind numbing dribble to me. But today she had Louise L Hay on. And a few other guests. The show was on how powerful positive thinking is. I know this is true...it just has to be put into practise....I have done it before, and it has worked.
So I saw this as a sign.
I have her book "You can heal your life", so I am going to read it again.
I also have Dr Phils book "Self Matters", which I have struggled to get past chapter 1 as it was too confronting.
I will read that also.
I'm not saying a book can "fix" me...but I have to start somewhere....and once you take that first step, who knows where the path may lead.
K
14 April 2008
Damn!
This co-parenting gig sucks at times.
The AH......and by the way AH now stands for the Anti-Husband....as in the opposite of what a husband should be...like anti-christ....was the nicest thing I could come up with...meh...wasn't worth more brain fodder....he'll be back to Arse-Hat soon enough...
Anyhoo....He is taking the kids away tomorrow for 3 nights!!!! OMG!!! I don't know what I am gonna do with myself...they are staying on the 9th floor....YES the 9th fucking floor people! I don't know....how can you explain a fear of heights when you aren't leaving the ground..... It is consuming my every thought.....and just imagining them running all over that unstable balcony, leaning against that glass which is what? 5mm thick at best, leaning over to "look", putting all their gorgeous weight on that piece of aluminium they call a guard rail, that who knows has built! HOW do I know who built this joint....did they decide to not to do all the safety checks on that particular balcony cos it was nearlly smoko....did they double check all the nuts & bolts? Did they pour the concrete correctly, and keep it wet enough so it set properly.... WHO KNOWS!!!! I am putting the life of my children into the hands of some disgruntled, alcoholic, chain-smoking, union-loving, big corporation hating, incompetent bloke who I have never met. And then for their responsible guardian they have an disgruntled, alcoholic, smoking, union-loving, big corporation hating, incompetent bloke who I know all too well.....no wonder I am going MAD!
So for now I am focussing on the inequity that I am suffering, preparing them for this great adventure!
WASHING!
AND MORE WASHING!
I have to pack all their stuff...because Dad of the year won't keep their stuff at his place. So I have to wash everything, all their new clothes (OK he gets some grace there cos he bought them), which need to be washed in seperate batches, with my stupid fucking washing machine that I have to manually fill, cos it's fucked!
The dryer has been running non-stop!
The house is a fucking TIP as a result, cos I decided to spend time with the kids today instead of clean.
I don't know where their Nintendo's are to charge them.
Nor their I-pods.
Partly due to the fact they decided to share a room from now on, so they moved the beds into one room and the other is a "toy" room...so their crap is everywhere.
They have only just gone to sleep & I haven't even begun.
Now I have to take my meds which make me sleeepy.....
And I can't get out of my mind that fucking balcony!!!
Did I mention a kid DIED where they are staying....I have already banned them from the spa!
How can I ban them from the balcony....they'll be lurving it....as will the AH. I forbid him from getting a room higher than the 3rd floor after the nightmare of staying there last time!!!! Now we are apart...all bets are off!
I feel nauseous just thinking about it!
K
The AH......and by the way AH now stands for the Anti-Husband....as in the opposite of what a husband should be...like anti-christ....was the nicest thing I could come up with...meh...wasn't worth more brain fodder....he'll be back to Arse-Hat soon enough...
Anyhoo....He is taking the kids away tomorrow for 3 nights!!!! OMG!!! I don't know what I am gonna do with myself...they are staying on the 9th floor....YES the 9th fucking floor people! I don't know....how can you explain a fear of heights when you aren't leaving the ground..... It is consuming my every thought.....and just imagining them running all over that unstable balcony, leaning against that glass which is what? 5mm thick at best, leaning over to "look", putting all their gorgeous weight on that piece of aluminium they call a guard rail, that who knows has built! HOW do I know who built this joint....did they decide to not to do all the safety checks on that particular balcony cos it was nearlly smoko....did they double check all the nuts & bolts? Did they pour the concrete correctly, and keep it wet enough so it set properly.... WHO KNOWS!!!! I am putting the life of my children into the hands of some disgruntled, alcoholic, chain-smoking, union-loving, big corporation hating, incompetent bloke who I have never met. And then for their responsible guardian they have an disgruntled, alcoholic, smoking, union-loving, big corporation hating, incompetent bloke who I know all too well.....no wonder I am going MAD!
So for now I am focussing on the inequity that I am suffering, preparing them for this great adventure!
WASHING!
AND MORE WASHING!
I have to pack all their stuff...because Dad of the year won't keep their stuff at his place. So I have to wash everything, all their new clothes (OK he gets some grace there cos he bought them), which need to be washed in seperate batches, with my stupid fucking washing machine that I have to manually fill, cos it's fucked!
The dryer has been running non-stop!
The house is a fucking TIP as a result, cos I decided to spend time with the kids today instead of clean.
I don't know where their Nintendo's are to charge them.
Nor their I-pods.
Partly due to the fact they decided to share a room from now on, so they moved the beds into one room and the other is a "toy" room...so their crap is everywhere.
They have only just gone to sleep & I haven't even begun.
Now I have to take my meds which make me sleeepy.....
And I can't get out of my mind that fucking balcony!!!
Did I mention a kid DIED where they are staying....I have already banned them from the spa!
How can I ban them from the balcony....they'll be lurving it....as will the AH. I forbid him from getting a room higher than the 3rd floor after the nightmare of staying there last time!!!! Now we are apart...all bets are off!
I feel nauseous just thinking about it!
K
11 April 2008
Back 2 Good?
I think I need to find AH a new name.
Increasingly, he is behaving like the man I married.
As opposed to the whore-fucking, manipulative, abusive, intimidating, unsupportive Arsehole that I endured the last 4 years of our marriage.
Yeah it's nice, but my memory aint that short!
But I still feel a little bad referring to him as the AH....for now....
As well as our 'almost-pleasant' footy trip, and the portrait of the kids he...I mean...the kids got me for my birthday.....and the Fererro Rocher's (ATE THEM ALL and am still alive) at Easter....things have been pretty damn civilised, nice even. We don't have much contact still, but when we do we get along in a minimalistic way, exchange pleasantries, discuss the kids in a caring, positive way (as opposed to defensive & argumentative). Nothing over the top but a helluva LOT better than the ways things were heading before.
Tonight he called the kids, as per usual, then needed to speak to me. He is planning to take them to Forster next week, so I needed the details. This opens a whole other kettle of fish, but more on that later. (FUCK THAT IS GOING TO BE THE LONGEST!3!NIGHTS!OF!MY!LIFE!)
I digress.
Anyhoo...so somehow the subject comes up about the kids lack of winter clothes that fit. I tried to explain that financially I am up fucking shit creek without a paddle, I am trying to buy bits & pieces here and there, but between school fees, trying to get my car roadworthy, medical bills, and just anything else life can throw at me ATM it's not happening fast enough....
Well actually I think my words were more like " I have a heap of bills ATM, medical, car and other stuff, so I'm trying to get a little as I can..."
So he offered to take the kids shopping to get what they need. Me being Me, said oh no that's OK! He insisted, then asked what they needed.
*should I ask if this is coming out of child support?*
Then continued to say he would say it was from both of us!!! I said there was no need for that, and gave him a short list of things needed. (He is the type to over buy, over spend, and half doesn't get worn.....which is fine, but not necessary)
Then he wanted me to drop the kids off at 2pm tomorrow instead of 7pm, so he could take them.
I agreed. Although I had wanted to do something with them tomorrow afternoon, this was a good deal, and the kids benefited, so I had to quieten that train of thought.
So kids & I continued on with dinner.
Then he called back, and asked if I would like to come shopping, so the kids would see it was from both of us.
I have BIG ISSUES with him being the Disney Dad....what they want, they GET from him, whilst I'm always saying no.
I hesitated.
I gave him an out...twice!
Then I agreed.
*sigh*
Am I selling out?
So tomorrow we are again spending some of my weekend time with HIM.
I am sure it will be fine.
And it is for the greater good....
The kids!
And I am GLAD that he is now willing to do these things. I am grateful even.
Just hope it doesn't come around and bite me on the bum.
Yeah Cynical till the end!
But what should I call him till I'm screwed over again?
XH is like, soooo yesterday, like.
K
Increasingly, he is behaving like the man I married.
As opposed to the whore-fucking, manipulative, abusive, intimidating, unsupportive Arsehole that I endured the last 4 years of our marriage.
Yeah it's nice, but my memory aint that short!
But I still feel a little bad referring to him as the AH....for now....
As well as our 'almost-pleasant' footy trip, and the portrait of the kids he...I mean...the kids got me for my birthday.....and the Fererro Rocher's (ATE THEM ALL and am still alive) at Easter....things have been pretty damn civilised, nice even. We don't have much contact still, but when we do we get along in a minimalistic way, exchange pleasantries, discuss the kids in a caring, positive way (as opposed to defensive & argumentative). Nothing over the top but a helluva LOT better than the ways things were heading before.
Tonight he called the kids, as per usual, then needed to speak to me. He is planning to take them to Forster next week, so I needed the details. This opens a whole other kettle of fish, but more on that later. (FUCK THAT IS GOING TO BE THE LONGEST!3!NIGHTS!OF!MY!LIFE!)
I digress.
Anyhoo...so somehow the subject comes up about the kids lack of winter clothes that fit. I tried to explain that financially I am up fucking shit creek without a paddle, I am trying to buy bits & pieces here and there, but between school fees, trying to get my car roadworthy, medical bills, and just anything else life can throw at me ATM it's not happening fast enough....
Well actually I think my words were more like " I have a heap of bills ATM, medical, car and other stuff, so I'm trying to get a little as I can..."
So he offered to take the kids shopping to get what they need. Me being Me, said oh no that's OK! He insisted, then asked what they needed.
*should I ask if this is coming out of child support?*
Then continued to say he would say it was from both of us!!! I said there was no need for that, and gave him a short list of things needed. (He is the type to over buy, over spend, and half doesn't get worn.....which is fine, but not necessary)
Then he wanted me to drop the kids off at 2pm tomorrow instead of 7pm, so he could take them.
I agreed. Although I had wanted to do something with them tomorrow afternoon, this was a good deal, and the kids benefited, so I had to quieten that train of thought.
So kids & I continued on with dinner.
Then he called back, and asked if I would like to come shopping, so the kids would see it was from both of us.
I have BIG ISSUES with him being the Disney Dad....what they want, they GET from him, whilst I'm always saying no.
I hesitated.
I gave him an out...twice!
Then I agreed.
*sigh*
Am I selling out?
So tomorrow we are again spending some of my weekend time with HIM.
I am sure it will be fine.
And it is for the greater good....
The kids!
And I am GLAD that he is now willing to do these things. I am grateful even.
Just hope it doesn't come around and bite me on the bum.
Yeah Cynical till the end!
But what should I call him till I'm screwed over again?
XH is like, soooo yesterday, like.
K
06 April 2008
My My My
Well it seems time does heal.
Today was the aforementioned footy trip from hell.
It went well. Wasn't really uncomfortable at all, especially considering 2 out of the 4 hours were spent in the car. I didn't feel the need to make small talk, and neither did the AH from what I could tell. We did some small talk, mostly asking about family etc. At the actual matches we didn't have a lot to do with each other, but we did talk on occasion, and he even got me an umbrella when it started to pour at match #2, so I bought him a sausage sandwhich after the match....my generosity is just exceptional eh!
Even the disaster of us leaving J's Nintendo DS at the first ground, and not realising until we were half way to the 2nd (20mins), went well. In the past it would have caused much bitching, blaming, cursing and carry on, but nothing except a bit of erratic driving. Now that's what I call progress!
He even introduced me to someone (an old friend from school, who's kid has just started at the club this year!).....I never even rated a mention before.
So all in all a SUCCESS! It has been nearlly 5 months since we separated, and I am under no illusion that we won't have rough times, but it was good to put the nastiness aside and just get along.
I won't go as far as saying it was pleasant, but it wasn't negative in any respect so it's all good.
And whilst the kids didn't seem to bat an eyelid, apart from asking me how long it had been since I'd been in Dads car, I'm sure it must have been GREAT for them. We aren't generally negative in front of them, but we aren't overly positive either, so it, hopefully, was good for them to see us just get along and get on with it.
And WOW! I didn't write a negative post for a change!
Stay tuned....I'm sure it won't last LOL
K
Today was the aforementioned footy trip from hell.
It went well. Wasn't really uncomfortable at all, especially considering 2 out of the 4 hours were spent in the car. I didn't feel the need to make small talk, and neither did the AH from what I could tell. We did some small talk, mostly asking about family etc. At the actual matches we didn't have a lot to do with each other, but we did talk on occasion, and he even got me an umbrella when it started to pour at match #2, so I bought him a sausage sandwhich after the match....my generosity is just exceptional eh!
Even the disaster of us leaving J's Nintendo DS at the first ground, and not realising until we were half way to the 2nd (20mins), went well. In the past it would have caused much bitching, blaming, cursing and carry on, but nothing except a bit of erratic driving. Now that's what I call progress!
He even introduced me to someone (an old friend from school, who's kid has just started at the club this year!).....I never even rated a mention before.
So all in all a SUCCESS! It has been nearlly 5 months since we separated, and I am under no illusion that we won't have rough times, but it was good to put the nastiness aside and just get along.
I won't go as far as saying it was pleasant, but it wasn't negative in any respect so it's all good.
And whilst the kids didn't seem to bat an eyelid, apart from asking me how long it had been since I'd been in Dads car, I'm sure it must have been GREAT for them. We aren't generally negative in front of them, but we aren't overly positive either, so it, hopefully, was good for them to see us just get along and get on with it.
And WOW! I didn't write a negative post for a change!
Stay tuned....I'm sure it won't last LOL
K
05 April 2008
3 AM
MY GOD! I have been hanging out for this for weeks!
Especially this last week, cos the gov't fucked with my mind and changed the days....AFTER my calendars were obviously printed!
DAYLIGHT SAVINGS IS OVER!!!!
Don't get me wrong I love daylight savings.
But my bodyclock changed a few weeks ago, and I'm struggling of a morning to haul my arse out of bed before 8am. Which on a kid-free day is fine. It's even fine on a weekend...as long as the kids don't mind brunch instead of breakfast. But on a school day....not so good. On a footy day...not so good!
As Murphy would have it, I don't get to languish in bed till 11am tomorrow & pride myself on waking up before noon. No, it is my Sunday with the kids. My Football day with the kids.
But on an entirely positive note, I WILL NOT BE dragging my arse out of bed, only to then drag
their arses out of bed at 7am, so we are at footy by 8.30am....cos as luck would have it.....or our Government....it will REALLY be 8am....WOOHOO!!!!
At 3am we change our clocks to 2am....although I will not be setting my alarm to do that....I am blonde, but not THAT blonde...
So.... my first footy Sunday of the season I get a sleep in!!
Unfortunately I will have to spend AT LEAST 4 hours with the AH, with no car to escape in, NO.WAY.OUT!
BUT I get a sleep in, and I plan on using it!
And maybe a flask of something heavy to get me through the morning!
K
Especially this last week, cos the gov't fucked with my mind and changed the days....AFTER my calendars were obviously printed!
DAYLIGHT SAVINGS IS OVER!!!!
Don't get me wrong I love daylight savings.
But my bodyclock changed a few weeks ago, and I'm struggling of a morning to haul my arse out of bed before 8am. Which on a kid-free day is fine. It's even fine on a weekend...as long as the kids don't mind brunch instead of breakfast. But on a school day....not so good. On a footy day...not so good!
As Murphy would have it, I don't get to languish in bed till 11am tomorrow & pride myself on waking up before noon. No, it is my Sunday with the kids. My Football day with the kids.
But on an entirely positive note, I WILL NOT BE dragging my arse out of bed, only to then drag
their arses out of bed at 7am, so we are at footy by 8.30am....cos as luck would have it.....or our Government....it will REALLY be 8am....WOOHOO!!!!
At 3am we change our clocks to 2am....although I will not be setting my alarm to do that....I am blonde, but not THAT blonde...
So.... my first footy Sunday of the season I get a sleep in!!
Unfortunately I will have to spend AT LEAST 4 hours with the AH, with no car to escape in, NO.WAY.OUT!
BUT I get a sleep in, and I plan on using it!
And maybe a flask of something heavy to get me through the morning!
K
26 March 2008
Hangover from Hell!
I AM NEVER EATING CHOCOLATE AGAIN!
Give me wine, beer, Baileys (mmmm Baileys...), ANYTHING...I will drink fucking Rocket Fuel and enjoy the aftermath more!
Give me drugs....legal, illegal.....mixed with battery acid & 5 spice....it has got to be better!
I have felt like absolute crap for the past few days, have been skulling water like it's liquid gold.
Honestly! I didn't eat that much! But that is ALL I can attribute it to...the FUCKING chocolate!
I just want to spew, shit, cry, scream and rip my own limbs off!
The Farking White Wabbit has some answering to do!
Firstly....he fucking trashedthe joint! There was a white powdery substance EVERYWHERE, then after the kids demolished the place looking for eggs, there was teensy eensy bits of coloured foil all over the place, and brown smears all over the floors. Which I am honestly not sure if it was Bunneh Shit, Kid Shit or chocolate egg that just didn't quite make it in the mouth fast enough!
Secondly...my kids have been feral! I tried to get them eat it all in one day, to be over and done with....but Noooooo! I still have a FRIDGE.FUCKING.FULL.TO.THE.BRIM. WITH. CHOCOLATE!!!!
Thirdly...I was feeling the effects of chocolate overload, on SUNDAY, but kept being tempted! (Remember the Fridge, and I haven't mentioned the rest!) I HAVEN'T EATEN THAT MUCH...but it screws with me! Seeing it in the shops since christmas has made me eat it constantly! As in a little bit a day! But it's too much! Today I feel a little better, and I haven't had any...Proof enough! But it has STILL taken over my brain! I stand in the checkout queue and see alllll that chocolatey goodness, and WANT TO BUY IT! HELLO WOMAN, REMEMBER YOUR HOUSE IS ALMOST MADE OF THE SHIT!
I AM OVER CHOCOLATE!
And I STILL haven't opened the Fererro Rochers...hmmmmmm......If you had an AH, and that AH gave you your fave chockies, Would you eat them?
I'm not game.....
Yet!
Plus chocolate is still EVIL!
Give me wine, beer, Baileys (mmmm Baileys...), ANYTHING...I will drink fucking Rocket Fuel and enjoy the aftermath more!
Give me drugs....legal, illegal.....mixed with battery acid & 5 spice....it has got to be better!
I have felt like absolute crap for the past few days, have been skulling water like it's liquid gold.
Honestly! I didn't eat that much! But that is ALL I can attribute it to...the FUCKING chocolate!
I just want to spew, shit, cry, scream and rip my own limbs off!
The Farking White Wabbit has some answering to do!
Firstly....he fucking trashedthe joint! There was a white powdery substance EVERYWHERE, then after the kids demolished the place looking for eggs, there was teensy eensy bits of coloured foil all over the place, and brown smears all over the floors. Which I am honestly not sure if it was Bunneh Shit, Kid Shit or chocolate egg that just didn't quite make it in the mouth fast enough!
Secondly...my kids have been feral! I tried to get them eat it all in one day, to be over and done with....but Noooooo! I still have a FRIDGE.FUCKING.FULL.TO.THE.BRIM. WITH. CHOCOLATE!!!!
Thirdly...I was feeling the effects of chocolate overload, on SUNDAY, but kept being tempted! (Remember the Fridge, and I haven't mentioned the rest!) I HAVEN'T EATEN THAT MUCH...but it screws with me! Seeing it in the shops since christmas has made me eat it constantly! As in a little bit a day! But it's too much! Today I feel a little better, and I haven't had any...Proof enough! But it has STILL taken over my brain! I stand in the checkout queue and see alllll that chocolatey goodness, and WANT TO BUY IT! HELLO WOMAN, REMEMBER YOUR HOUSE IS ALMOST MADE OF THE SHIT!
I AM OVER CHOCOLATE!
And I STILL haven't opened the Fererro Rochers...hmmmmmm......If you had an AH, and that AH gave you your fave chockies, Would you eat them?
I'm not game.....
Yet!
Plus chocolate is still EVIL!
23 March 2008
FLOORED!
The AH bought me my favourite chocolates for Easter!
From the kids of course.
If I go missing in a few days you will know he injected them with arsenic.
K
From the kids of course.
If I go missing in a few days you will know he injected them with arsenic.
K
14 March 2008
OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD!
I just got a phone call.
It was the AH.
me: "Hello"
AH: "WHAT the FUCK happened to YOU today?"
me: "Excuse me?" thinking... thinking...we agreed I'd drop their stuff off at 5.30pm I am SURE! What?.....
AH: "Why didn't you pick the fucking kids up from school?"
Me: "WHAT!!!!! YOU were supposed to pick them up" *OH!MY!FUCKING!GOD! They were left at school, PANIC!*
AH: "I NEVER pick them up on Fridays, I pick them up on Wednesday's! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK THEM UP"
*OH MY GOD!*
Me: "Where are they? Are they OK?"
AH: "They are here, my dad picked them up, they called him"
*Why the fuck didn't they call me or the AH??*
AH: "BLAH BLAH BLAH...." Sorry he was ranting something, but I kind of went blank at that stage...
Me: "It is your day, we agreed in mediation that on your days you pick them up from school"
AH: "BULLSHIT! I NEVER PICK THEM UP ON FRIDAYS!"
Me: "WE have it in writing! I texted you TODAY asking what time you wanted me to drop their stuff off?"
AH: "YOU TEXTED ME ASKING THE TIME TO DROP THE KIDS OFF...RANT RANT RANT"
Me: "No I didn't, check your phone"
AH started ranting raving denying blaming cursing yadayadayada......ho hum!
Me: "Look it doesn't matter, are the kids OK?"
AH: ".........well....yes"
Me: "OK well that's what matters, it was obviously a miscommunication, no need to blame anyone."
AH: "I'm coming to get their stuff, they want to get changed"
Me: "I can still drop it off....."
AH: "OH FUCK, DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!"
Me: "Don't need to be nasty, I don't mind either way"
AH: "I'LL COME AND GET IT NOW!" beep, beep, beep, beep.... OK I guess you will....
So he came. I gave the kids a HUGE hug, and said sorry that dad & I got mixed up. He was very surly. They grabbed their gear, E announced she wasn't gonna sing tonight (Karaoke school disco), so I didn't need to come.
I went outside, and tried to speak to him, but he just carried on like a flipping child, throwing blame anywhere but on himself as usual....... Like I would not pick the kids up if I was supposed to?!?! HELLO MORON! Does that FUCKING tiny wee little lonely grey cell in your fat head not compute!!!!! The air must whip through your ear canals like a fucking hurricane that prevents you from hearing any rational fucking thought....IDIOT!!
OM.MY.GOD!
The kids seemed OK. A little quiet. Probably more from the arsehats attitude than anything else. Their school is fantastic, and I am sure they would have taken really good care of them.
I am still perplexed. Apparently they rang home, but I was out. They have my mobile number though & they didn't call that. I'll have to chase that up. They called the AH's mobile apparently, but he never answers. So they rang the next on the list, my FIL & thank god they were home.
Now I'm not into playing his games with him......but you, my lovelies, is another story.
This is what backs up MY reasonings!
#1:Our agreement states...
'Weekends will be divided in the form:- Fri after school until Sat 7.00pm and from then until 7.00pm Sunday.'
**Now that doesn't specifically say whomever has them does the school pick up, but the last time he did a Friday,(and the only one he's done SINCE the mediation), he picked them up, and the other night he has them states 'The children will continue to spend Wednesday nights with their father who will collect them from school and return them to school the next morning.' Plus it was talked about in mediation, that when he had them he would be responsible for pick-ups (and anything else that crops up) on the days he had them.
So, I assumed, he was picking them up. Obviously I was wrong!
#2: Our communication today.
**He agreed to text or email, even if it just meant receiving them and arranging a time to call to nut out the bits & pieces. He is shocking at replying. Today I chose to text. Cos it was early and he tends to respond to text more often. He now says "NO MORE TEXTS! It's like deciphering a code, EMAIL ONLY" ~ From the man that thinks email is evil!
Here is our communication today.
Me : "Hi. Do the kids need anything specific packed? Whats best time to drop stuff off?"
AH : " No. Drop them at 6"
Me: "That's wot time it starts isn't it." referring to the disco here, as I had passed related info onto him
AH: "Make it 5.30 then"
AH: "Swimmers & towles too" yes that is his typo *snigger*
**Now, he did use the term 'them'....but I used the term 'stuff'....we were married for over 7 years, I would hope he knows that I would not refer to my kids as STUFF. Maybe I should have picked up on this....but I was in lala land that HE was picking the kids up from school. AS ARRANGED. AS HAD BEEN DONE SINCE WE NUTTED OUT THE BITS & PIECES IN MEDIATION.
But of course it is ALL MY FAULT.
I feel awful.
But at the same time, I don't feel I was in the wrong. I don't even think he was entirely in the wrong. I don't think he would leave the kids to fester at school any more than I would. But I do wish he would grow up, stop trying to cover his arse, apportion blame to everyone BUT him, and finally just get on with things.
AND stick to what was agreed upon!
OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD!
MY KIDS WERE LEFT STRANDED AT SCHOOL!
Going to get a stiff drink now
K xx
It was the AH.
me: "Hello"
AH: "WHAT the FUCK happened to YOU today?"
me: "Excuse me?" thinking... thinking...we agreed I'd drop their stuff off at 5.30pm I am SURE! What?.....
AH: "Why didn't you pick the fucking kids up from school?"
Me: "WHAT!!!!! YOU were supposed to pick them up" *OH!MY!FUCKING!GOD! They were left at school, PANIC!*
AH: "I NEVER pick them up on Fridays, I pick them up on Wednesday's! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK THEM UP"
*OH MY GOD!*
Me: "Where are they? Are they OK?"
AH: "They are here, my dad picked them up, they called him"
*Why the fuck didn't they call me or the AH??*
AH: "BLAH BLAH BLAH...." Sorry he was ranting something, but I kind of went blank at that stage...
Me: "It is your day, we agreed in mediation that on your days you pick them up from school"
AH: "BULLSHIT! I NEVER PICK THEM UP ON FRIDAYS!"
Me: "WE have it in writing! I texted you TODAY asking what time you wanted me to drop their stuff off?"
AH: "YOU TEXTED ME ASKING THE TIME TO DROP THE KIDS OFF...RANT RANT RANT"
Me: "No I didn't, check your phone"
AH started ranting raving denying blaming cursing yadayadayada......ho hum!
Me: "Look it doesn't matter, are the kids OK?"
AH: ".........well....yes"
Me: "OK well that's what matters, it was obviously a miscommunication, no need to blame anyone."
AH: "I'm coming to get their stuff, they want to get changed"
Me: "I can still drop it off....."
AH: "OH FUCK, DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!"
Me: "Don't need to be nasty, I don't mind either way"
AH: "I'LL COME AND GET IT NOW!" beep, beep, beep, beep.... OK I guess you will....
So he came. I gave the kids a HUGE hug, and said sorry that dad & I got mixed up. He was very surly. They grabbed their gear, E announced she wasn't gonna sing tonight (Karaoke school disco), so I didn't need to come.
I went outside, and tried to speak to him, but he just carried on like a flipping child, throwing blame anywhere but on himself as usual....... Like I would not pick the kids up if I was supposed to?!?! HELLO MORON! Does that FUCKING tiny wee little lonely grey cell in your fat head not compute!!!!! The air must whip through your ear canals like a fucking hurricane that prevents you from hearing any rational fucking thought....IDIOT!!
OM.MY.GOD!
The kids seemed OK. A little quiet. Probably more from the arsehats attitude than anything else. Their school is fantastic, and I am sure they would have taken really good care of them.
I am still perplexed. Apparently they rang home, but I was out. They have my mobile number though & they didn't call that. I'll have to chase that up. They called the AH's mobile apparently, but he never answers. So they rang the next on the list, my FIL & thank god they were home.
Now I'm not into playing his games with him......but you, my lovelies, is another story.
This is what backs up MY reasonings!
#1:Our agreement states...
'Weekends will be divided in the form:- Fri after school until Sat 7.00pm and from then until 7.00pm Sunday.'
**Now that doesn't specifically say whomever has them does the school pick up, but the last time he did a Friday,(and the only one he's done SINCE the mediation), he picked them up, and the other night he has them states 'The children will continue to spend Wednesday nights with their father who will collect them from school and return them to school the next morning.' Plus it was talked about in mediation, that when he had them he would be responsible for pick-ups (and anything else that crops up) on the days he had them.
So, I assumed, he was picking them up. Obviously I was wrong!
#2: Our communication today.
**He agreed to text or email, even if it just meant receiving them and arranging a time to call to nut out the bits & pieces. He is shocking at replying. Today I chose to text. Cos it was early and he tends to respond to text more often. He now says "NO MORE TEXTS! It's like deciphering a code, EMAIL ONLY" ~ From the man that thinks email is evil!
Here is our communication today.
Me : "Hi. Do the kids need anything specific packed? Whats best time to drop stuff off?"
AH : " No. Drop them at 6"
Me: "That's wot time it starts isn't it." referring to the disco here, as I had passed related info onto him
AH: "Make it 5.30 then"
AH: "Swimmers & towles too" yes that is his typo *snigger*
**Now, he did use the term 'them'....but I used the term 'stuff'....we were married for over 7 years, I would hope he knows that I would not refer to my kids as STUFF. Maybe I should have picked up on this....but I was in lala land that HE was picking the kids up from school. AS ARRANGED. AS HAD BEEN DONE SINCE WE NUTTED OUT THE BITS & PIECES IN MEDIATION.
But of course it is ALL MY FAULT.
I feel awful.
But at the same time, I don't feel I was in the wrong. I don't even think he was entirely in the wrong. I don't think he would leave the kids to fester at school any more than I would. But I do wish he would grow up, stop trying to cover his arse, apportion blame to everyone BUT him, and finally just get on with things.
AND stick to what was agreed upon!
OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD!
MY KIDS WERE LEFT STRANDED AT SCHOOL!
Going to get a stiff drink now
K xx
12 February 2008
Yet another brain spew ~ mediation.
We finally had our mediation today.
My anxiety was wreaking havoc, and I was shaking like a leaf the first hour, and then intermittently thoughout the proceedings, when something touched a nerve. But I stood my ground, did not excuse myself, and managed to get across most of the points I wanted to make.
I REALLY wanted us to start doing alternate weekends, but I didn't get it :-( But it will start once the AH gets his own place. He made a fuss on how hard it was at his parents, which I do understand, but still, it's hard to plan trips to see friends and family when I only have a day to play with. These can be negotiated though, with 'his' nights made up during the week.....so we'll see how we go.
Most other things got sorted & it's all written down. We have the opportunity to formalise it, through the courts, but I think we'll play it by ear for now, hopefully we won't have to go down that route.
One of our 'agreements' with regard to the weekends was setting set times for changeover, and for each of us to have equal weekend time. So now it goes Friday school pick up until 7pm Saturday ~changeover ~ until 7pm Sunday. Which was a lot better than what I was getting before, where he would pick them up lunch Saturday & have them till whenever he felt like bringing them back on Sunday. It basically made my chance of doing weekend stuff with them impossible. It also gave a set time so it was clear who was providing dinner. Then we rotate who gets the Friday night & who gets the Saturday night. That sounds fucking complicated, bit it's not really.
He also has them every Wednesday night....and I stipulated that it should be his responsibility to pick the kids up then......that went down like a fucking Lead Balloon....but it was agreed upon. (Previously I was picking them up at 3.15pm from School racing them home, feeding & dressing them, ready for him to pick them up at 4pm ~ maybe I'm pedantic, but I think Co-parenting means all the mundane stuff as well as the fun IYKWIM)
He also admitted to feeding them crap all the time, claimed it wasn't his fault, it was his mums (re/lollies, softdrink etc) I told him to grow some balls. But then he came back and said they have to eat takeaway because he can't expect his mum to cook all their meals..... WTF MORON!!! YOU cook you idiot! You managed whilst I was pregnant, you can do a BBQ, you have access to a kitchen.......what will be your excuse once you are in your place? That mummy isn't there to cook for you.....FUCKING GROW UP!
I'm soooo exhausted.....I feel like I was pulled apart & slapped back together again, and someone put my brain in my arse by accident!
We spoke briefly outside the mediation about the furniture he wants.....no worries.....I just wish he'd take all his other CRAP! There is still clothes in the cupboard, not to mention his fucking Biographies on Mass murderers, and boxing & Miami Vice DVD collections, and fucking Mike Tyson pictures.....I'll miss them like a hole in the head!
We also arranged that he'd have the kids tonight rather than Wednesday as he is going away for work tomorrow, he said he's email me the time he's pick them up. I emailed asking when he was due back, and whether he wanted Friday or Saturday night this week. His response was that he was busy at work (no worries) so would pick them up at 5pm tonight. And that he gets back Saturday, and he would pick them up at 3-4pm & drop them home Sunday at 6pm!!!! WTF We just sorted this in mediation!!!!
I email him back, stating what we had just agreed to in mediation ~ NO RESPONSE! This is something that was also brought up in mediation, his lack of response to my emails/messages....
When he picked the kids up I asked if he got my email, he says no.... I sent it at 3.30pm....he'd been working until 4.45????? WHY or yet another lie & power play?
I wanted to punch him in the head, but instead I just said
"Well I guess you will read it in the morning and can respond then?"
FUCKING CONTROLLING LYING PIECE OF SHIT I WISH YOU A GANGRENOUS DICK!
Oh but I did get a roaring good laugh at the end of mediation, although I did try to contain myself.
Just as we were leaving he said that he "Wanted forewarning, when (my) boyfriend....I mean....future partner moves in with" me......LOL....He is soooo convinced I have a new boyfriend....well he was convinced that when I was in the grips of full blown agoraphobia, and couldn't check my own letterbox, that I was having an affair, so it's not that surprising. I just said, shaking my head, that I feel that goes both ways..... Then we shook hands with the moderators, and walked out, then my phone beeps....and it was the "Stalker".....I tried to stifle my laughter, but the look on his face was PRICELESS!
I can only guess as he was standing behind me that he probably saw the message, which said...
"I'll see you at 6.30pm sexy"
ROFLMAO!!!!!!
**Thought I should add a quick disclaimer....Stalker is NOT my boyfriend in any way, shape or form....he is just hopeful (and hasn't got a chance BTW)....and playful....and sends me random texts, or we chat occassionally (not normally in this context), which have no substance just friendly-like you know, just the timing on this one was incredibley funny. And NO! I was not seeing him at 6.30pm!
My anxiety was wreaking havoc, and I was shaking like a leaf the first hour, and then intermittently thoughout the proceedings, when something touched a nerve. But I stood my ground, did not excuse myself, and managed to get across most of the points I wanted to make.
I REALLY wanted us to start doing alternate weekends, but I didn't get it :-( But it will start once the AH gets his own place. He made a fuss on how hard it was at his parents, which I do understand, but still, it's hard to plan trips to see friends and family when I only have a day to play with. These can be negotiated though, with 'his' nights made up during the week.....so we'll see how we go.
Most other things got sorted & it's all written down. We have the opportunity to formalise it, through the courts, but I think we'll play it by ear for now, hopefully we won't have to go down that route.
One of our 'agreements' with regard to the weekends was setting set times for changeover, and for each of us to have equal weekend time. So now it goes Friday school pick up until 7pm Saturday ~changeover ~ until 7pm Sunday. Which was a lot better than what I was getting before, where he would pick them up lunch Saturday & have them till whenever he felt like bringing them back on Sunday. It basically made my chance of doing weekend stuff with them impossible. It also gave a set time so it was clear who was providing dinner. Then we rotate who gets the Friday night & who gets the Saturday night. That sounds fucking complicated, bit it's not really.
He also has them every Wednesday night....and I stipulated that it should be his responsibility to pick the kids up then......that went down like a fucking Lead Balloon....but it was agreed upon. (Previously I was picking them up at 3.15pm from School racing them home, feeding & dressing them, ready for him to pick them up at 4pm ~ maybe I'm pedantic, but I think Co-parenting means all the mundane stuff as well as the fun IYKWIM)
He also admitted to feeding them crap all the time, claimed it wasn't his fault, it was his mums (re/lollies, softdrink etc) I told him to grow some balls. But then he came back and said they have to eat takeaway because he can't expect his mum to cook all their meals..... WTF MORON!!! YOU cook you idiot! You managed whilst I was pregnant, you can do a BBQ, you have access to a kitchen.......what will be your excuse once you are in your place? That mummy isn't there to cook for you.....FUCKING GROW UP!
I'm soooo exhausted.....I feel like I was pulled apart & slapped back together again, and someone put my brain in my arse by accident!
We spoke briefly outside the mediation about the furniture he wants.....no worries.....I just wish he'd take all his other CRAP! There is still clothes in the cupboard, not to mention his fucking Biographies on Mass murderers, and boxing & Miami Vice DVD collections, and fucking Mike Tyson pictures.....I'll miss them like a hole in the head!
We also arranged that he'd have the kids tonight rather than Wednesday as he is going away for work tomorrow, he said he's email me the time he's pick them up. I emailed asking when he was due back, and whether he wanted Friday or Saturday night this week. His response was that he was busy at work (no worries) so would pick them up at 5pm tonight. And that he gets back Saturday, and he would pick them up at 3-4pm & drop them home Sunday at 6pm!!!! WTF We just sorted this in mediation!!!!
I email him back, stating what we had just agreed to in mediation ~ NO RESPONSE! This is something that was also brought up in mediation, his lack of response to my emails/messages....
When he picked the kids up I asked if he got my email, he says no.... I sent it at 3.30pm....he'd been working until 4.45????? WHY or yet another lie & power play?
I wanted to punch him in the head, but instead I just said
"Well I guess you will read it in the morning and can respond then?"
FUCKING CONTROLLING LYING PIECE OF SHIT I WISH YOU A GANGRENOUS DICK!
Oh but I did get a roaring good laugh at the end of mediation, although I did try to contain myself.
Just as we were leaving he said that he "Wanted forewarning, when (my) boyfriend....I mean....future partner moves in with" me......LOL....He is soooo convinced I have a new boyfriend....well he was convinced that when I was in the grips of full blown agoraphobia, and couldn't check my own letterbox, that I was having an affair, so it's not that surprising. I just said, shaking my head, that I feel that goes both ways..... Then we shook hands with the moderators, and walked out, then my phone beeps....and it was the "Stalker".....I tried to stifle my laughter, but the look on his face was PRICELESS!
I can only guess as he was standing behind me that he probably saw the message, which said...
"I'll see you at 6.30pm sexy"
ROFLMAO!!!!!!
**Thought I should add a quick disclaimer....Stalker is NOT my boyfriend in any way, shape or form....he is just hopeful (and hasn't got a chance BTW)....and playful....and sends me random texts, or we chat occassionally (not normally in this context), which have no substance just friendly-like you know, just the timing on this one was incredibley funny. And NO! I was not seeing him at 6.30pm!
17 January 2008
AH SPEW!
We don't speak!
He makes me sick!
He tries to speak & I just get the shits!
He rang tonight to say goodnight to the kids, as per usual, but this time he asked to speak to me afterwards *shudder* I HATE THAT!
I had emailed him to sort out kidstuff, to halt his control issues regarding drop offs & pick ups, and expected a reply, got none, so I texted him stating I assumed he agreed due to no reply, and nominating my 'dinner day' with the kids. He has had them a lot since our return to Sydney and has them for the week, next week, & I wanted a dinner before they were gone for that long.
Anyhoo, he gets on the phone, and for a fucking change is quite amicable, so we organise the next few days, a few alterations with him backing off a bit for a change.
THEN HE STARTS FUCKING CRYING!!!!! CRYING!!!!! OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD.THE.MAN.OF.NO.EMOTION!!!!!
BRING OUT THE VIOLINS!
He has it soooo hard, living at his parents, yadayadayada, because when DS was sick & DD got upset cos she had to come home early and his mum....his mum....as usual the story cut short & I never found out what the fuck he was on about there. Just like when he rang on the eve of my mum starting chemo, whilst I was away, throwing around accusations about me & my XBIL! "How dare I? I can't tell his sister! He shoulda known!" Pfft, I STILL don't know what the fuck he was on....or on about! And he still won't tell me! I did plead....I told him not only I, but my entire family, would like to know what I'd done.....NOTHING! Only silence....the rare silence I get.
Then about work....and his pay....and how fucking HARD life is....some things NEVER change!
Then the classic..
Do I ever sit alone at night and wonder why he did what he did?
Yes I sit many nights moaning about him & what a loss I have endured & and how he has hurt me to my core & how I will never recover & how it was all my fault & how I could have done things differently....
NOT!
Easy answer buddy..."So you could get your dick wet?"
Yes but "WHY????"
Why doesn't matter mate, you did it! FULL STOP! END OF STORY!
Then he started the dribble of all I had done wrong!
Uuuum I was going through the fucking toughest year (more actually) of my life with agoraphobia, whilst you were out FUCKING prostitutes and paying for Viagra just so you could keep it UP!
You spent most of your time at home passed out.....was I supposed to rape you? What was there to find you attractive? Physical attractiveness left years ago....emotional attractiveness & intamacy followed shortly after.....but it was MY FAULT?!?!?!
AND....
Well.....
basically....
It does not matter anymore....you did the unforgiveable....MOVE ON ARSEHOLE!
If your life sucks....well you deserve it!
Go find a hookers shoulder to cry on.....you have no other fucking bills now, so why not!
Meanwhile I need to feed & clean the kids, so I'll see you in the morning when I drop them off at your place!
FARKING ARSEHAT!
K
He makes me sick!
He tries to speak & I just get the shits!
He rang tonight to say goodnight to the kids, as per usual, but this time he asked to speak to me afterwards *shudder* I HATE THAT!
I had emailed him to sort out kidstuff, to halt his control issues regarding drop offs & pick ups, and expected a reply, got none, so I texted him stating I assumed he agreed due to no reply, and nominating my 'dinner day' with the kids. He has had them a lot since our return to Sydney and has them for the week, next week, & I wanted a dinner before they were gone for that long.
Anyhoo, he gets on the phone, and for a fucking change is quite amicable, so we organise the next few days, a few alterations with him backing off a bit for a change.
THEN HE STARTS FUCKING CRYING!!!!! CRYING!!!!! OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD.THE.MAN.OF.NO.EMOTION!!!!!
BRING OUT THE VIOLINS!
He has it soooo hard, living at his parents, yadayadayada, because when DS was sick & DD got upset cos she had to come home early and his mum....his mum....as usual the story cut short & I never found out what the fuck he was on about there. Just like when he rang on the eve of my mum starting chemo, whilst I was away, throwing around accusations about me & my XBIL! "How dare I? I can't tell his sister! He shoulda known!" Pfft, I STILL don't know what the fuck he was on....or on about! And he still won't tell me! I did plead....I told him not only I, but my entire family, would like to know what I'd done.....NOTHING! Only silence....the rare silence I get.
Then about work....and his pay....and how fucking HARD life is....some things NEVER change!
Then the classic..
Do I ever sit alone at night and wonder why he did what he did?
Yes I sit many nights moaning about him & what a loss I have endured & and how he has hurt me to my core & how I will never recover & how it was all my fault & how I could have done things differently....
NOT!
Easy answer buddy..."So you could get your dick wet?"
Yes but "WHY????"
Why doesn't matter mate, you did it! FULL STOP! END OF STORY!
Then he started the dribble of all I had done wrong!
Uuuum I was going through the fucking toughest year (more actually) of my life with agoraphobia, whilst you were out FUCKING prostitutes and paying for Viagra just so you could keep it UP!
You spent most of your time at home passed out.....was I supposed to rape you? What was there to find you attractive? Physical attractiveness left years ago....emotional attractiveness & intamacy followed shortly after.....but it was MY FAULT?!?!?!
AND....
Well.....
basically....
It does not matter anymore....you did the unforgiveable....MOVE ON ARSEHOLE!
If your life sucks....well you deserve it!
Go find a hookers shoulder to cry on.....you have no other fucking bills now, so why not!
Meanwhile I need to feed & clean the kids, so I'll see you in the morning when I drop them off at your place!
FARKING ARSEHAT!
K
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
