LOL my gorgeous sister sent me this.....I am SOOOOOOOOO tempted to send it to the ARSEHOLE!
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. Announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:
MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.
Edited to add: OOps I sent it to the arsehole.....he majorly pissed me off tonight!!!! I have told him again and again, do not speak to me yet he chooses do so~ sigh ~ so he deserved it. My name : Myhookaneedsahardwun, Myprodusintchargebythaminit, MyhoIpaybythahour, Bygrogitsflatbyviagitsnot..... OK so not very creative tonight ;-)
But I did try!
And what's the bet I wake up in the middle of the night with THE.BEST.NAME.EVAH!
Then I'll fall back asleep and forget!
AESEHAT!
Showing posts with label DH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DH. Show all posts
03 December 2007
22 November 2007
The whole sorry story......
Well I am officially seperated, and a single mum wiff 2 kids......
On the 1st November DickHead went to work as per usual but left his laptop bag behind. His laptop was at work so he obviously didn't miss it. I decided to have a gander to see if his "secret credit card" statements were in there....Racking up $3000.00 a quarter on what???? But what did I find?? Yes I found some reminders from the secret credit card, but no statements...sigh...then I felt something in an area that didn't seem to have a pocket...ooooh a hidden pocket....ooooh VIAGRA!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! The last time we were "together" was February...yes we have a truckload of issues....the prescription date was August 17....hmmmmm....3 out of 4 were gone....hmmmmmmm!
I ring my sister, shaking like a leaf....she says "Fred doesn't have the emotional maturity to carry on an affair" Good Point!
I don my detectives hat....I probably shouldn't say exactly what I did to find out....but BOY DID I FIND OUT! THE ARSE HAT HAS BEEN FUCKING HOOKERS FOR OVER A YEAR!!!! And who knows what else...or for how long....my records are limited. And what FUCK-KNOB BUYS VIAGRA TO FUCK A HOOKER!!!!! yeah a LOSER!!!!
As my psych said....he could have saved himself a mint on viagra if he'd stopped the 1 + bottle/s of scotch a day!!!! Fucking Moron!
I didn't know what to do or how to do it, so I said nothing! My previous attempts at leaving the marriage were met by threats, aggression & intimidation....I had to have a plan!
So we played happy family's, we ate too much "easy" food & take away, as the thought of sharing a table with him made me physically ill. We even went out to lunch with the kids at a pub, and he was wondering why my anxiety was sky-high. Every time he tried to kiss me, my skin crawled, and I had a mini-chuck! He even suggested we have sex (full blown vomiting that night I tell ya *shudder*). My 'moment' came though. He was going away for a whole week for work....a whole week! Hallejulah! I need a plan.
I had Homer Simpson moments...where I thought I had said out loud what I thought LOL that was funny.........
I spent my days organising who I had to speak to, making phone calls, gathering evidence, gathering support & spending as little time alone with him as possible! We had a huge fight the night before he left and I was soooooo tempted to just blurt it all out, instead it went like this...mid-fight...can't remember what started it....
F: "We haven't had sex in months, you won't even sleep in the same bed"
Me: "I wonder why" (Fat slob alcho selfish fuckwit)
F: " because I stink & I snore?"
Me: "Yep and you reek of alcohol" (ahhhh HOOKER!!!! arsehat!)
F: "We haven't had sex in 10 months!!!"
Me: "You haven't had sex in 10 months?" (FUCKING DISEASE RIDDEN MONKEY ARSE)
F: "Well 9....maybe 8...."
Me: "So YOU are telling me YOU haven't had sex in 8 months?" (SCUMSUCKING GUTTER SNAKE)
F: "Yeah well....8 or 9"
Me: *quietly* "Not 2 or 3" (Hope your fucking DICK falls off numbskull)
F: "What....3??? No what are you talking about?"
Me: " Why all the secrecy and paranoia lately?" (Should I cut your balls off with a blunt rusty knife first....or start with circumcision?)
F: "What are you talking about, we discussed this it's nothing"
Me: "So you've got nothing to hide?" (HOOKER!!!!)
F: "No, don't be silly"
Me: "So you can promise me that you are hiding NOTHING?" (HOOKERHOOKERHOOKERHOOKER)
F: "Yeah I promise...nothing"
Me: "OK fine" (FUCKWIT! You have fucked with me for the LAST time........hmmmm circumcision would be best.....nail clippers or the kids blunt craft scissors....decisions...decisions...HOOKER...ARSEHAT! )
:-D Bugger..... Arsehat now makes me smile....Damn you Kelly!
To be continued.....
On the 1st November DickHead went to work as per usual but left his laptop bag behind. His laptop was at work so he obviously didn't miss it. I decided to have a gander to see if his "secret credit card" statements were in there....Racking up $3000.00 a quarter on what???? But what did I find?? Yes I found some reminders from the secret credit card, but no statements...sigh...then I felt something in an area that didn't seem to have a pocket...ooooh a hidden pocket....ooooh VIAGRA!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! The last time we were "together" was February...yes we have a truckload of issues....the prescription date was August 17....hmmmmm....3 out of 4 were gone....hmmmmmmm!
I ring my sister, shaking like a leaf....she says "Fred doesn't have the emotional maturity to carry on an affair" Good Point!
I don my detectives hat....I probably shouldn't say exactly what I did to find out....but BOY DID I FIND OUT! THE ARSE HAT HAS BEEN FUCKING HOOKERS FOR OVER A YEAR!!!! And who knows what else...or for how long....my records are limited. And what FUCK-KNOB BUYS VIAGRA TO FUCK A HOOKER!!!!! yeah a LOSER!!!!
As my psych said....he could have saved himself a mint on viagra if he'd stopped the 1 + bottle/s of scotch a day!!!! Fucking Moron!
I didn't know what to do or how to do it, so I said nothing! My previous attempts at leaving the marriage were met by threats, aggression & intimidation....I had to have a plan!
So we played happy family's, we ate too much "easy" food & take away, as the thought of sharing a table with him made me physically ill. We even went out to lunch with the kids at a pub, and he was wondering why my anxiety was sky-high. Every time he tried to kiss me, my skin crawled, and I had a mini-chuck! He even suggested we have sex (full blown vomiting that night I tell ya *shudder*). My 'moment' came though. He was going away for a whole week for work....a whole week! Hallejulah! I need a plan.
I had Homer Simpson moments...where I thought I had said out loud what I thought LOL that was funny.........
I spent my days organising who I had to speak to, making phone calls, gathering evidence, gathering support & spending as little time alone with him as possible! We had a huge fight the night before he left and I was soooooo tempted to just blurt it all out, instead it went like this...mid-fight...can't remember what started it....
F: "We haven't had sex in months, you won't even sleep in the same bed"
Me: "I wonder why" (Fat slob alcho selfish fuckwit)
F: " because I stink & I snore?"
Me: "Yep and you reek of alcohol" (ahhhh HOOKER!!!! arsehat!)
F: "We haven't had sex in 10 months!!!"
Me: "You haven't had sex in 10 months?" (FUCKING DISEASE RIDDEN MONKEY ARSE)
F: "Well 9....maybe 8...."
Me: "So YOU are telling me YOU haven't had sex in 8 months?" (SCUMSUCKING GUTTER SNAKE)
F: "Yeah well....8 or 9"
Me: *quietly* "Not 2 or 3" (Hope your fucking DICK falls off numbskull)
F: "What....3??? No what are you talking about?"
Me: " Why all the secrecy and paranoia lately?" (Should I cut your balls off with a blunt rusty knife first....or start with circumcision?)
F: "What are you talking about, we discussed this it's nothing"
Me: "So you've got nothing to hide?" (HOOKER!!!!)
F: "No, don't be silly"
Me: "So you can promise me that you are hiding NOTHING?" (HOOKERHOOKERHOOKERHOOKER)
F: "Yeah I promise...nothing"
Me: "OK fine" (FUCKWIT! You have fucked with me for the LAST time........hmmmm circumcision would be best.....nail clippers or the kids blunt craft scissors....decisions...decisions...HOOKER...ARSEHAT! )
:-D Bugger..... Arsehat now makes me smile....Damn you Kelly!
To be continued.....
12 November 2007
DH = DICKHEAD
Been AWOL lately....
Heaps of shit has been happening, I am married to a fucking arsehole, and it has taken ALL my strength just to get through each day sane....I'm still hanging on, but things are likely to get worse before they get better!
I would write more detail, but I seem to have a reader, and I'm paranoid it's HIM. I doubt it....but I have to think of every possibility!
I'm on the home stretch now.....well the home stretch of this phase!
Give me strength and patience to get through this nightmare!
Did I mention DH is a fucking arsehole? If not...he is!
He is away for work ATM, thank god!
K
Heaps of shit has been happening, I am married to a fucking arsehole, and it has taken ALL my strength just to get through each day sane....I'm still hanging on, but things are likely to get worse before they get better!
I would write more detail, but I seem to have a reader, and I'm paranoid it's HIM. I doubt it....but I have to think of every possibility!
I'm on the home stretch now.....well the home stretch of this phase!
Give me strength and patience to get through this nightmare!
Did I mention DH is a fucking arsehole? If not...he is!
He is away for work ATM, thank god!
K
19 October 2007
Is this my lot in life?
No I don't want to whinge.....and I'm no angel....I just want OUT!
Today was one of my house cleaning days, it's also the day I take the kids out for coffee, which is a nice ritual. Don't be under any illusions that we have D & M's, they usually involve them racing to see who can finish their drink first, and how many freebies they can get out of the shop-owners.....Whilst I enjoy my drink as much as possible, and try and extract some talk out of them lol. They make the best Mochas though :-) And the kids agree about their hot chocolates!
So Fridays are quite nice. Clean & Sparkly house, happy kids and happy mum!
Then HE arrives! He was late tonight, arriving about 6pm. Kids in bath, dinner cooking, sparkly house....all the things apparently important to him (Won't even go THERE right now).
But somethings up. He doesn't grab a drink. The thought goes through my mind that maybe...just maybe...he has chosen not to drink. I know we have money in the bank.....but that other thought is running through my mind.....He's had his fill already......What's coming next?
For the amount he drinks & for the time he's been drinking, and the time we've been married, I STILL cannot always tell if he's been drinking......Probablybecause he is always drinking.......
All we've said to each other thus far is hello....which is normal.....
As I'm finishing dinner I get the occasional glimpse of him in the lounge watching TV, one eyed, his flashing beacon to say he's full. Plus he still hasn't got a drink. Plus he keeps looking at me as if he wishes me dead.
At 6.30pm ( dinner was a bit late), I hear him telling DD to go to bed (????? their bedtime is 7.30-8.00 on a school night????). She laughs & says they haven't even had dinner yet, but he persists for a bit longer then gives up, and falls asleep (passes out).
Dinners ready so DD wakes him....I wish she didn't....he eventually staggers to the table, starts slamming stuff, shoving his food down his throat like a fucking caged animal. I keep my eyes lowered, I do not want to look at him. After he finishes eating he gets up and say he'll do the dishes in the morning...I said 'no worries, I'll finish them off, they are mostly done anyway'. Which was true, I didn't care, and as I'd washed as I went, there were only really the things we were using at the dinner table.
So he glares at me, muttering under his breath, and starts on the dishes, making as much noise as possible, and throws the dish cloths across the kitchen???? WTF!!!!!!!
Then he collapses on the lounge again to watch tv one eyed again.......The kids and I are still eating. (Gawd this gets my goat....I think it's so fucking rude! But that's another whinge.....)
After dinner & clean up, I had given the kids their normal 10min warning till bed, then went outside (I smoke). Next, I hear DH telling them to go to bed.....sigh...here we go..... Anyway the kids tell them they still had 10 mins, this goes back and forth a bit....Then he ROARS "WHO"S THE BOSS?"
The kids reply, in unison "MUM"
ROFL I did giggle for a minute on THAT one.....I have taught them well!
He gave up after that and retreated to his lounge & one-eyed TV watching, before passing out....before the kids 10mins were even up.
God is it any wonder I'm FUCKED UP! The uncertainty of which DH is coming home, drives me bonkers. I hate days like today the most I think, it raises my shackles when he doesn't get a drink as soon as he walks in the door, and I feel like I'm just waiting, and waiting, and trying not to set him off.
The kids are asleep now + I can relax a bit as he should be down for the count now. He'll wake up, but he'll grab his bottle of water and toddle off to bed.
Poor Mr Perfect, he's got it sooo tough. Yeat his drinking isn't an issue as he "is still productive". Productive at what though? Bringing in an income that can barely support his habit? Good for him! His marriage is a shambles, and there is nothing 'material' to show for all his hard work. He's only fooling himself.
And one day I WILL be strong enough to move on.
And one day his kids will realise that snippets of attention, random gifts, and their parents staying together at all costs don't add up to much in the grand scheme of things!
K
Today was one of my house cleaning days, it's also the day I take the kids out for coffee, which is a nice ritual. Don't be under any illusions that we have D & M's, they usually involve them racing to see who can finish their drink first, and how many freebies they can get out of the shop-owners.....Whilst I enjoy my drink as much as possible, and try and extract some talk out of them lol. They make the best Mochas though :-) And the kids agree about their hot chocolates!
So Fridays are quite nice. Clean & Sparkly house, happy kids and happy mum!
Then HE arrives! He was late tonight, arriving about 6pm. Kids in bath, dinner cooking, sparkly house....all the things apparently important to him (Won't even go THERE right now).
But somethings up. He doesn't grab a drink. The thought goes through my mind that maybe...just maybe...he has chosen not to drink. I know we have money in the bank.....but that other thought is running through my mind.....He's had his fill already......What's coming next?
For the amount he drinks & for the time he's been drinking, and the time we've been married, I STILL cannot always tell if he's been drinking......Probablybecause he is always drinking.......
All we've said to each other thus far is hello....which is normal.....
As I'm finishing dinner I get the occasional glimpse of him in the lounge watching TV, one eyed, his flashing beacon to say he's full. Plus he still hasn't got a drink. Plus he keeps looking at me as if he wishes me dead.
At 6.30pm ( dinner was a bit late), I hear him telling DD to go to bed (????? their bedtime is 7.30-8.00 on a school night????). She laughs & says they haven't even had dinner yet, but he persists for a bit longer then gives up, and falls asleep (passes out).
Dinners ready so DD wakes him....I wish she didn't....he eventually staggers to the table, starts slamming stuff, shoving his food down his throat like a fucking caged animal. I keep my eyes lowered, I do not want to look at him. After he finishes eating he gets up and say he'll do the dishes in the morning...I said 'no worries, I'll finish them off, they are mostly done anyway'. Which was true, I didn't care, and as I'd washed as I went, there were only really the things we were using at the dinner table.
So he glares at me, muttering under his breath, and starts on the dishes, making as much noise as possible, and throws the dish cloths across the kitchen???? WTF!!!!!!!
Then he collapses on the lounge again to watch tv one eyed again.......The kids and I are still eating. (Gawd this gets my goat....I think it's so fucking rude! But that's another whinge.....)
After dinner & clean up, I had given the kids their normal 10min warning till bed, then went outside (I smoke). Next, I hear DH telling them to go to bed.....sigh...here we go..... Anyway the kids tell them they still had 10 mins, this goes back and forth a bit....Then he ROARS "WHO"S THE BOSS?"
The kids reply, in unison "MUM"
ROFL I did giggle for a minute on THAT one.....I have taught them well!
He gave up after that and retreated to his lounge & one-eyed TV watching, before passing out....before the kids 10mins were even up.
God is it any wonder I'm FUCKED UP! The uncertainty of which DH is coming home, drives me bonkers. I hate days like today the most I think, it raises my shackles when he doesn't get a drink as soon as he walks in the door, and I feel like I'm just waiting, and waiting, and trying not to set him off.
The kids are asleep now + I can relax a bit as he should be down for the count now. He'll wake up, but he'll grab his bottle of water and toddle off to bed.
Poor Mr Perfect, he's got it sooo tough. Yeat his drinking isn't an issue as he "is still productive". Productive at what though? Bringing in an income that can barely support his habit? Good for him! His marriage is a shambles, and there is nothing 'material' to show for all his hard work. He's only fooling himself.
And one day I WILL be strong enough to move on.
And one day his kids will realise that snippets of attention, random gifts, and their parents staying together at all costs don't add up to much in the grand scheme of things!
K
24 August 2007
MEN!
Why is it, that HE can come home...do minimal work, minimal kid wrangling, and get to sleep by 9pm and most likely sleep till 10am?????
I have been up since 6am....granted I didn't start "working" till 6.45am....but I got kids lunches ready, woke dreamy kids up, made them hot chocolates, coerced them into to dressing & eating breakfast, all set out by me, made beds, had kids teeth brushed, settled arguments, again bribed them to get dressed & eat breakfast, ate my own breakfast of promite on toast, and skulling coffee whilst tying shoelaces & doing hair, still bribing (well close to begging now) that they get dressed & eat their breakfast, force feed DD her anti-biotics with the promise of juice & hell anything she wants by now.....oh and yeah I fit a shower in there somewhere...AND getting dressed...BONUS! Only to get them to school ON TIME! DH...well...he ambles out at 7.30 or so...makes himself a coffee...heads out the back for a fag...for 1/2 an hour or so...ambles in for a Shower, shit (or 3 ) and a shave, barely says goodbye then is out the door!
I drop the children lovingly at school with kisses & cuddles galore...then race to the shops for "homework" & a few grocery items (same dif)...come home...check emails....finish my MR (morning routine (which I will publish at a later date)) Then I do the dishes, pick up all the crap left by my 3 "housemates", vaccum house, dust house, mop....then try and crumple in a heap on my lounge. Best buddy comes to visit, which I am SOOOO thankful for, but it really drained what supplies I had left IYKWIM. When she and her adorable kiddies leave it is time to pick up kids.....by this stage I feel like I am likely to fall asleep at the wheel, so we miss our usual Friday arvo coffee/video/chat. Come home & I don't stop! Dinner, baths, refereeing, cleaning yadayadayada.
DH ambles in at 7.00pm, sits out the back with a scotch chatting on the phone. I say "hi, how was your day?" "EH" is the response!!! I feel like telling him what EH is fucking like!
I finish up baths & dinner, and breaking up fights & dobbing...call DH & kids for dinner...kids come...no DH....decides to show up later...scoffs his meal, mutters a thanks and leaves the table, whilst I sit for half an hour getting kids to EAT!
ALLL credit to him...he finished the dishes (without breaking anything!)
Plus he set the kids up for their "movie night"
Then he goes and parks his arse to watch TV. My sis calls, and we end up on the phone for ages, as you do, and we haven't spoken in ages, And the kids are rippin' the house apart whilst DH snores his arse off in the lounge....*sigh*
More kid-wrangling...DH disappears,,,,found him in bed at 9pm, snoring like a locomotive with a few extra engines added for effect, and sleeping over the WHOLE bed!
So now I finally have the kids asleep in the lounge, where I am going to have to squeeze into soon also + I have the added benefit that they will wake me up first! Whilst thy master will sleep for as long as he pleases....I WISH I COULD DO THAT! Why can't I???
Simple....no-one will look after the kids!
I make a vow now, seeing I should have gone to bed half an hour ago, but decided to ramble incoherently instead....I will not let a foot hit the floor till 8 am....even if I don't get a sleep in...I will enjoy a LAY IN!
And AMEN!
Kirstie
I have been up since 6am....granted I didn't start "working" till 6.45am....but I got kids lunches ready, woke dreamy kids up, made them hot chocolates, coerced them into to dressing & eating breakfast, all set out by me, made beds, had kids teeth brushed, settled arguments, again bribed them to get dressed & eat breakfast, ate my own breakfast of promite on toast, and skulling coffee whilst tying shoelaces & doing hair, still bribing (well close to begging now) that they get dressed & eat their breakfast, force feed DD her anti-biotics with the promise of juice & hell anything she wants by now.....oh and yeah I fit a shower in there somewhere...AND getting dressed...BONUS! Only to get them to school ON TIME! DH...well...he ambles out at 7.30 or so...makes himself a coffee...heads out the back for a fag...for 1/2 an hour or so...ambles in for a Shower, shit (or 3 ) and a shave, barely says goodbye then is out the door!
I drop the children lovingly at school with kisses & cuddles galore...then race to the shops for "homework" & a few grocery items (same dif)...come home...check emails....finish my MR (morning routine (which I will publish at a later date)) Then I do the dishes, pick up all the crap left by my 3 "housemates", vaccum house, dust house, mop....then try and crumple in a heap on my lounge. Best buddy comes to visit, which I am SOOOO thankful for, but it really drained what supplies I had left IYKWIM. When she and her adorable kiddies leave it is time to pick up kids.....by this stage I feel like I am likely to fall asleep at the wheel, so we miss our usual Friday arvo coffee/video/chat. Come home & I don't stop! Dinner, baths, refereeing, cleaning yadayadayada.
DH ambles in at 7.00pm, sits out the back with a scotch chatting on the phone. I say "hi, how was your day?" "EH" is the response!!! I feel like telling him what EH is fucking like!
I finish up baths & dinner, and breaking up fights & dobbing...call DH & kids for dinner...kids come...no DH....decides to show up later...scoffs his meal, mutters a thanks and leaves the table, whilst I sit for half an hour getting kids to EAT!
ALLL credit to him...he finished the dishes (without breaking anything!)
Plus he set the kids up for their "movie night"
Then he goes and parks his arse to watch TV. My sis calls, and we end up on the phone for ages, as you do, and we haven't spoken in ages, And the kids are rippin' the house apart whilst DH snores his arse off in the lounge....*sigh*
More kid-wrangling...DH disappears,,,,found him in bed at 9pm, snoring like a locomotive with a few extra engines added for effect, and sleeping over the WHOLE bed!
So now I finally have the kids asleep in the lounge, where I am going to have to squeeze into soon also + I have the added benefit that they will wake me up first! Whilst thy master will sleep for as long as he pleases....I WISH I COULD DO THAT! Why can't I???
Simple....no-one will look after the kids!
I make a vow now, seeing I should have gone to bed half an hour ago, but decided to ramble incoherently instead....I will not let a foot hit the floor till 8 am....even if I don't get a sleep in...I will enjoy a LAY IN!
And AMEN!
Kirstie
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