I deserve a medal!

I do.
And it shall say "Murphy fucked with me! But I WON!"

OK a bit extreme, but what a fucked up week.

Yes it is only Monday, but I'm counting the last 7 or so days....memory is a bit blurred, so not sure what happened when, but it WAS in the last week.....Things happen in three's right? I am posting this while pummeling myself against my wooden furniture, just so I don't jinx myself!

1.We FINALLY got some sunshine, so I decided to mow the lawns.
Bring out the whipper snipper, bring out my 'instructions" cos it's been a while...the mother fucker won't start!
My arms are weak and shaky, so I kick it! My elderly neighbour calls over the fence that she will excuse me if I swear 'because THOSE things are a SHIT to start!"
I can't laugh...I am too pissed off....my shoulder feels like it is dislocated....now I can't swear, because I don't like having permission to do so!
Then I notice the pump thingamajig is cracked, and is leaking petrol....DUH! (Just remember I have been pulling on this fucker on and off for over 2 hours....I hurt!)
But I get a glimmer of hope and pull out the yellow pages.
Ring the local mower repair dudes.."Is it just the pump thingamajig?"
ME: "I assume so...started fine last time"
Mower repair dude: "Easy...bring it in we'll fix it! $10"
ME: "You for real??? be there in 5!"
I shoulda fucking known better.
Long story short.. pump thingamajigs gone...inner tube thingamees gone...carburetor gone....will cost almost as much to fix it as it will to buy a new one..

Of course it will!
Bundled the pulled apart bits in a bag, tied it to the handle to offer the God...ahem...I mean AH.
My fix: poison all the edges! Borrow the neighbours whipper snipper for bits I can't poison!
DONE...fuck you! Murphy!!!!

2. My vacuum has had some issues of late, like smelling of fire, black puffs of dust/smoke/NFI coming out, not sucking etc. I tried to fix him. Thought it was the filter, cleaned both of them and put them back, changed bags, cleaned all the nozzles, fixed all the attachments etc etc.
Turned it on with hope of AT LEAST doing the floor rugs.....its not doing much at all...and the smell is BAD!!! Turn around and the mother fucker has smoke billowing out of it!!!!
So i throw it out the back door....and I SWORE LOUDLY...because nobody gave me permission to!
My fix: Pretty lame, I WILL miss the vacc...but we have NO carpet except two floor rugs, so I CAN sweep. I HATE sweeping...BUT I CAN! Or maybe it's time to teach the kids! I also have a Carpet sweeper which isn't too great but is better since I found the main problem...HAIR!!! LOTS OF HAIR!!! No pets! I shed hair like no one else...seriously...I am surprised I am not bald the SHIT gets EVERYWHERE! So regular defuzzing of Carpet Sweeper is also needed. Done! Not happy...but I will SURVIVE Murphy...YOU hear that?!?! MOther FUcker!

3.My fucking washing Machine bit the dust this morning! It too has been behaving badly of late...beeping at me constantly to manually fill it one day, then running perfectly the next. This morning though it did not sing it's familiar melody, it changed. Also the familiar lights were not flashing asking for cold water, or load readjustment....no blinking at all...just 4 random lights shining up at me, taunting me! Found the manual to decode it's foreign language...all it said was 'call a repairman'. Well I've tried that before and it didn't fix things...so I SWORE at it (again without permission) & kicked it several times.
My fix: Then I looked at renting one....$12 a week minimum for a 5.5kg used machine for 18 months!
So I went to see if I could get 'interest free' credit.
Got approved for $1000 which is about $20 a week.
And got myself a NEW & SHINY 8kg water efficient machine that I will OWN in 1 year. My last machine lasted me 10 years, so am hoping this will do the same...HAPPY! PLUS I will get $150 rebate WOOT! And I just LOVE me some new shiny white goods :D

But it is a bit sucky that I couldn't get finance for DD's op but I could for a washer! But I guess that is the way of the world huh! Maybe we need interest free finance on medical needs!!! Now there's an idea!

Ooh and on other news....
I did text the AH "you FORGOT to drop of DS footy boots" and left it that...heard nothing...surprise, surprise! Finally set the Wii up for the kids and he had also *FORGOTTEN* the Wii mote....so DS rang him to tell him & he dropped them both off Fri night.
I am not speaking to him! Not in a "Silent treatment" fashion or "playing games", just I can't be fucked wasting my breath, and playing games & waiting to see what mood he is in at any given time. He basically ignored me first time I saw him next after the outburst...which was fine by me. Second time he tried putting on the friendly, nice guy act....not buying it...'Hi, here you go, kids need/want/ have xyz, seeya!'

Pfft! I have a spy on my side. I KNOW what he does, what he says, and I know what I see, the 2 are astonishingly different....

He's trying to play, and I am, now, choosing not to :-)

K

And he's still barking!

I did fuck up though.
I accidentally packed 1 of DD's shoes & 1 of DS's Oopsies!
The phone rang at 8am, I was still in bed so didn't answer it. If it was important, whoever it was would leave a message or call my mobile right? WRONG!

My mobile rings at about 11am, I saw it was the AH...
He's pissed!
Asked where I was this morning?
I lied and said I was out, I only did this because I realised it must have been him that called & because well, it none of his fucking business!

And then he starts on about the shoes, swearing, screaming and carrying on.
I apologised and said it was a mistake on my part.
But, as per usual, he only sees the world through his eyes. From his perfect self, who does no wrong, NEVER makes a mistake Oh No, not the Supreme Being that is the Arse Hat!

He was telling me how fucked up I am, that I need to get my shit together, how I am ALWAYS forgetting something YADA YADA YADA.

So I said "Excuse me, but I am not going to sit here and allow you to carry on, Goodbye!"
And hung up!
I don't think he heard me, but that's not my problem.

What he did, faced with a shoeless child, rather than phone & leave a message, or do something 'normal' like call my mobile, I live close to the school so it would have added another 5 minutes to his trip. Or even send her to school in her normal school shoes. No, he took her to the shops, bought her new shoes, took her to school late, got to work late...AND then rings me to hurl abuse. He's such a clever man!

He tried ringing me after I hung up, I ignored it, then sent him text, telling him to remember HE isn't perfect, HE forgets things & basically to get over himself, and direct his abuse elsewhere.

He has dropped the kids stuff off. He didn't knock & I didn't go out.

But guess what?
Somebody FORGOT to pack DS footy shoes.
Hmmm wonder who that could have been. Certainly NOT the perfect specimen of Human life.

I really want to ring him and hurl abuse about it. But that's not me.
Maybe I'll send a text.
Or maybe I should go buy new footy boots then ring him and blame him.
Yep...that makes much more sense!

K

I am wondering......

**DISCLOSURE**
You may not want to read this if you get all funny over 'women's issues'.

.....How long does it take for someone to bleed to death?

Seriously.
A friend of mine once told me a joke.
"What is the only animal that can bleed for 5 days & not die?"
"A woman!"

HA!
NOT!
Obviously the 'friend' was a bloke!

So how long can it go on before I do.

It all started when I finally got to see the gyno, to check the AH hadn't given me any little going away presents from the fine establishments he frequents.

Oh and chuck in a pap-smear whilst your there cos it's only been....ummmm....how old is my youngest????

And if I'm lying there with it all laid out on a platter, I may as well get the works right!

And it was awful, uncomfortable & embarrassing....exactly the reasons I put such visits off....proving me right....and why I'll probably wait another 6 years!

I mean she didn't even cover me with a sheet....I know that is totally psychological...but still!

I'm lying there, looking at the ceiling, trying to think of England, not the cobwebs she probably needs to dust off when I hear her say....
"Put your hands into a fist & put them up your bum!"

Shaken back to reality...I was forced to look at her...and said "Ummmm WHAT?!"

She repeated.....doing the actions this time....speaking S...L...O...W...L...Y....
"Put your hands into a fist"
She demonstrates.
"And put them under your bum"
Now she's looking like a flight attendant showing me how to inflate my life jacket. Then adds...
"I can't get a clear view"

GREAT!
I just died a thousand deaths! But at least I don't have to stick my fists UP my bum!

Anyhoo, ahem, now that I have that off my chest, we then also discussed other general issues, and she came to the conclusion that I probably have endometriosis, and that I should try going on the pill, to see if that helps. The deal-breaker was when she told me that I could miss, every 2nd or 3rd period....BONUS!!!! Blood Week is never a happy time in this house....for anyone! Only having to endure it 4-6 times a year would be HEAVEN!

So I paid her my money, and hauled my arse out of her office with my dignity dragging behind me in shreds....
Then spent a small fortune on the Pill, simply because this *special, more expensive pill* had the bonuses of clear skin & no weight gain.....and imagine the costs saved on products.......sounded absolutely magical!

But as with all things....if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is.

I started the pill on my next period......and it is still going.......3 WEEKS LATER!!!!!
I am soooooo NOT LOVING THIS!

Yesterday I took the first sugar pill....which should signify the start of my NEXT period.....I'm thinking surely this has to STOP SOON! But NOOOO now I'm getting all the symptoms that I am trying to be rid of.....aches, pains, nausea, tiredness, bloating,mad cow disease. (Well they hadn't actually disappeared entirely...so they are just revving up the volume...SO happy!)

When is it going to end?
Will I bleed to death first?
Will I end up in a psych ward?
Cause Blood Week sucks.....but Blood MONTH is HELL!!!!

K

Damn!

This co-parenting gig sucks at times.



The AH......and by the way AH now stands for the Anti-Husband....as in the opposite of what a husband should be...like anti-christ....was the nicest thing I could come up with...meh...wasn't worth more brain fodder....he'll be back to Arse-Hat soon enough...



Anyhoo....He is taking the kids away tomorrow for 3 nights!!!! OMG!!! I don't know what I am gonna do with myself...they are staying on the 9th floor....YES the 9th fucking floor people! I don't know....how can you explain a fear of heights when you aren't leaving the ground..... It is consuming my every thought.....and just imagining them running all over that unstable balcony, leaning against that glass which is what? 5mm thick at best, leaning over to "look", putting all their gorgeous weight on that piece of aluminium they call a guard rail, that who knows has built! HOW do I know who built this joint....did they decide to not to do all the safety checks on that particular balcony cos it was nearlly smoko....did they double check all the nuts & bolts? Did they pour the concrete correctly, and keep it wet enough so it set properly.... WHO KNOWS!!!! I am putting the life of my children into the hands of some disgruntled, alcoholic, chain-smoking, union-loving, big corporation hating, incompetent bloke who I have never met. And then for their responsible guardian they have an disgruntled, alcoholic, smoking, union-loving, big corporation hating, incompetent bloke who I know all too well.....no wonder I am going MAD!



So for now I am focussing on the inequity that I am suffering, preparing them for this great adventure!



WASHING!



AND MORE WASHING!



I have to pack all their stuff...because Dad of the year won't keep their stuff at his place. So I have to wash everything, all their new clothes (OK he gets some grace there cos he bought them), which need to be washed in seperate batches, with my stupid fucking washing machine that I have to manually fill, cos it's fucked!

The dryer has been running non-stop!

The house is a fucking TIP as a result, cos I decided to spend time with the kids today instead of clean.

I don't know where their Nintendo's are to charge them.

Nor their I-pods.

Partly due to the fact they decided to share a room from now on, so they moved the beds into one room and the other is a "toy" room...so their crap is everywhere.

They have only just gone to sleep & I haven't even begun.



Now I have to take my meds which make me sleeepy.....



And I can't get out of my mind that fucking balcony!!!



Did I mention a kid DIED where they are staying....I have already banned them from the spa!



How can I ban them from the balcony....they'll be lurving it....as will the AH. I forbid him from getting a room higher than the 3rd floor after the nightmare of staying there last time!!!! Now we are apart...all bets are off!



I feel nauseous just thinking about it!



K

Men! Think I'll go Lesbo thanks!

It's official... All men ARE cheating bastards!
Since the AH & I have separated 2 men have kissed me. Neither of them are single!
Are they missing a fucking chromosone or 10.
The first was someone I didn't know that well, and I kissed back, then I found out he had a girlfriend, so pissed him off. He was persistent though.....It's been a while since I've heard from him....and I hope I don't hear from him again. Why have a girlfriend moron!
Oh and I forgot about the 'stalker'....he had a girlfriend too & was getting a bit scary....perverted prick!
Then out of the blue I get a visitor. Somebody whom I only know because of my marriage to the AH. Someone who is MARRIED! I was a bit surprised, but it was nice to see him as we get along well, and I've been cut off from that part of my life. And he seemed genuinely concerned for how I was..... Then when he left he gave me a hug told me to take care... THEN KISSED ME!!! WTF!!! I reeled back in shock!!! Then he tried it on again!!!! Do men have no morals? Are they truly controlled by their fucking cocks? Does commitment mean nothing?
The AH screwed around behind my back, does this automatically mean I have a secret desire to be the 'other' woman. Do I have a fucking neon sign on my forehead flashing "Kiss me if your taken".
I think not!
And people think I want or need a man in my life. Think I'll pass thanks very much!

Yet another brain spew ~ mediation.

We finally had our mediation today.
My anxiety was wreaking havoc, and I was shaking like a leaf the first hour, and then intermittently thoughout the proceedings, when something touched a nerve. But I stood my ground, did not excuse myself, and managed to get across most of the points I wanted to make.
I REALLY wanted us to start doing alternate weekends, but I didn't get it :-( But it will start once the AH gets his own place. He made a fuss on how hard it was at his parents, which I do understand, but still, it's hard to plan trips to see friends and family when I only have a day to play with. These can be negotiated though, with 'his' nights made up during the week.....so we'll see how we go.
Most other things got sorted & it's all written down. We have the opportunity to formalise it, through the courts, but I think we'll play it by ear for now, hopefully we won't have to go down that route.
One of our 'agreements' with regard to the weekends was setting set times for changeover, and for each of us to have equal weekend time. So now it goes Friday school pick up until 7pm Saturday ~changeover ~ until 7pm Sunday. Which was a lot better than what I was getting before, where he would pick them up lunch Saturday & have them till whenever he felt like bringing them back on Sunday. It basically made my chance of doing weekend stuff with them impossible. It also gave a set time so it was clear who was providing dinner. Then we rotate who gets the Friday night & who gets the Saturday night. That sounds fucking complicated, bit it's not really.
He also has them every Wednesday night....and I stipulated that it should be his responsibility to pick the kids up then......that went down like a fucking Lead Balloon....but it was agreed upon. (Previously I was picking them up at 3.15pm from School racing them home, feeding & dressing them, ready for him to pick them up at 4pm ~ maybe I'm pedantic, but I think Co-parenting means all the mundane stuff as well as the fun IYKWIM)
He also admitted to feeding them crap all the time, claimed it wasn't his fault, it was his mums (re/lollies, softdrink etc) I told him to grow some balls. But then he came back and said they have to eat takeaway because he can't expect his mum to cook all their meals..... WTF MORON!!! YOU cook you idiot! You managed whilst I was pregnant, you can do a BBQ, you have access to a kitchen.......what will be your excuse once you are in your place? That mummy isn't there to cook for you.....FUCKING GROW UP!
I'm soooo exhausted.....I feel like I was pulled apart & slapped back together again, and someone put my brain in my arse by accident!
We spoke briefly outside the mediation about the furniture he wants.....no worries.....I just wish he'd take all his other CRAP! There is still clothes in the cupboard, not to mention his fucking Biographies on Mass murderers, and boxing & Miami Vice DVD collections, and fucking Mike Tyson pictures.....I'll miss them like a hole in the head!
We also arranged that he'd have the kids tonight rather than Wednesday as he is going away for work tomorrow, he said he's email me the time he's pick them up. I emailed asking when he was due back, and whether he wanted Friday or Saturday night this week. His response was that he was busy at work (no worries) so would pick them up at 5pm tonight. And that he gets back Saturday, and he would pick them up at 3-4pm & drop them home Sunday at 6pm!!!! WTF We just sorted this in mediation!!!!
I email him back, stating what we had just agreed to in mediation ~ NO RESPONSE! This is something that was also brought up in mediation, his lack of response to my emails/messages....
When he picked the kids up I asked if he got my email, he says no.... I sent it at 3.30pm....he'd been working until 4.45????? WHY or yet another lie & power play?
I wanted to punch him in the head, but instead I just said
"Well I guess you will read it in the morning and can respond then?"
FUCKING CONTROLLING LYING PIECE OF SHIT I WISH YOU A GANGRENOUS DICK!

Oh but I did get a roaring good laugh at the end of mediation, although I did try to contain myself.

Just as we were leaving he said that he "Wanted forewarning, when (my) boyfriend....I mean....future partner moves in with" me......LOL....He is soooo convinced I have a new boyfriend....well he was convinced that when I was in the grips of full blown agoraphobia, and couldn't check my own letterbox, that I was having an affair, so it's not that surprising. I just said, shaking my head, that I feel that goes both ways..... Then we shook hands with the moderators, and walked out, then my phone beeps....and it was the "Stalker".....I tried to stifle my laughter, but the look on his face was PRICELESS!

I can only guess as he was standing behind me that he probably saw the message, which said...
"I'll see you at 6.30pm sexy"

ROFLMAO!!!!!!


**Thought I should add a quick disclaimer....Stalker is NOT my boyfriend in any way, shape or form....he is just hopeful (and hasn't got a chance BTW)....and playful....and sends me random texts, or we chat occassionally (not normally in this context), which have no substance just friendly-like you know, just the timing on this one was incredibley funny. And NO! I was not seeing him at 6.30pm!