Yeah I know it's supposed to be horse, but dogs don't ride horses...they ride dogs!
Oh and if you haven't figured it out, this is going to be a rant! So feel free to leave at any time!
The fucking ARSEHAT is pissing me off soooo much ATM, he gets me so fucking angry I shake & just want to wring his fucking steroid enhanced fat fucker neck!
He has the kids tonight. We still exchange "stuff" because even though he has clothes there, we still need to exchange School clothing & the kids security stuff (blankies, teddies etc). On Wednesdays we don't bother with toys etc, leave that for the weekend, when we need to go to each others places anyway.
Anyhoo, I get a call at just after 6.30pm...
AH: "Hi, it's me, I need to drop down and get undies"
Me: "Oh, you don't have undies?"
AH: "No (insert smug tone) can I come down?"
Me: "Yeah of course, I'll give you a handful, I thought you had clothes and everything"
AH: "I do! but not undies!"
Me: "OK, see you soon, bye!"
I should have just said right there and then...."go buy them some fucking undies"...but I'm afraid I'm not quick on my feet like that.
Or I should have said "When will you be here?" because he has a tendency to NEVER fucking stick to a time....but I'm afraid...some lessons I am learning the slow way.....WAYYY tooo farking sloooowwwwww!
So I sit, and I wait, and I watch some TV, and have a drink, have a few ciggies...la dee dahhhh.
I remove evidence of what I was doing, nothing naughty or abnormal, just I prefer to keep my ME time to me IYKWIM. It is MY night off right???
Then it hits 7.45pm, and I'm kind of panicking, a lot annoyed, and very curious as to where he is.
And I need cig's.
He lives 10 mins away...15 max in peak hour....if you are popping in, would that not infer you are coming sooner rather than later? If you had planned on doing things PRIOR to popping over, wouldn't you give notice to the person...I dunno...like I'll be about an hour...or we have to eat dinner, have showers, THEN we will 'pop' over?? Heh, common courtesy is rare these days...maybe I am too optimistic! Especially seeing he is the most self righteous, egotistical, fucking soft cock that has ever adorned this planet earth!
So I ring both his mobiles...no answer! So I send him a text " I need to go to the shops, won't be long"
So I duck out, shops aren't far...my phone rings... I scramble and miss it, but see it was him, so I continue. Then I call both mobiles again...straight to voicemail....leave a msg...saying I missed your call but where are you and what is happening? He phones me and starts going OFF fucking this fucking that, what the fuck you going to the shops, fuck you, fuck this, fuck that.....I'm reeling...
Me: "Excuse me!...where are the kids while you are going off?"
AH:"Oh...in the next aisle" bullshit!
Me: "You rang OVER an hour ago saying you would 'pop' in"
AH: "WE HAD TO FUCKING EAT DINNER AND.." (yes, he was screaming at me)
Me: "Yeah ease up! You could have had the courtesy of telling me, I had to go to the shop, you hadn't shown up, so I had the courtesy of sending you a text, to let you know I wouldn't be far in case you decided to show up!" Fucking ARSEHAT!
AH: "Fuck, well we're at the fucking supermarket now, and I have to fucking buy them fucking undies"
Me: "Good for you" Fuck off cock sucker!
AH: "They'll call you when we get home, and we have to discuss E's lunch!"
Yeah well I just hung up then & screamed at the phone!
Then came on here!
Then the kids rang to say goodnight.
Then AH got on the phone to 'discuss' E's lunch, nice as pie of course...possibly because YET AGAIN he is swapping our days, times..to suit him!
(Yet he is telling OTHERS the opposite...but as usual I'll leave that for another post....possibly titled Stalker #2 = Double Agent)
OK I have cooled off a tad now, but now he has ruined my night, I was gung-ho into my Feng Shui stuff when he first called, then packed it away (that's my little obsession ATM).... I know I shouldn't and I guess more time will change that side of things....but I'm really pissed! If I ran out of undies....would I call him???? I don't call him for shit! Yet he deems it fine to call me for anything....maybe I need to tell him that...again! I get 2 nights off a week....he gets 5! I don't call him, if he has a problem DEAL WITH IT!
Oh and a small disclaimer: my keyboard is fucking up majorly...I thought I was typing bad the past week or so, but realised my keyboard is the issue, so if there are really bad grammar errors I apologise (knowing full well I have grammar trouble at the best of times)
I'm off to pull out my feng shui again.
K
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
18 June 2008
09 June 2008
Catch-up! (and vent...oop where did that come from)
Had a busy week last week, with the course from hell, Dr's visits, and a job interview!
Yeah! Finally! Not entirely rapt with the job, and the more time that passes the worse I think the interview went, but it was an interview, so I'm happy with that. I didn't vomit, hyperventilate, swear, or say anything too stupid....so a Success! No matter what the outcome is! There have been a few jobs I've applied for lately that just seem ideal....so fingers crossed....speaking of fingers...I need to pull mine out and finish an application I'm half way through.....it's one of those tedious long and detailed pieces of shit that drive me up the wall!!!! But the job would be ideal!
I had my scan & follow up with my GP...not much to tell really....nothing is REALLY wrong...but nothing is really right either... My Gall Bladder is clear, apart from a small growth, which apparently I shouldn't worry about, and apparently shouldn't be causing my pain. There is a cyst on my kidney, which apparently is nothing to worry about, and apparently shouldn't be causing my pain either. My cholesterol is a bit off but again is apparently....well see above. My white cell count is a bit off....see above again. Some other levels are a bit off....again see above. So what is the outcome?
Keep taking the pills to help with stomach acid.
Stop drinking.
Eat healthier.
Exercise more.
Try and quit the fags.
Drink more water, less coffee.
Go back in 8 weeks and test again.
If pain continues go back sooner.
*Sigh* I feel like I've got fucking no where! So what did I do after my non-diagnosis?
I hit the town with an internet buddy that was visiting from another state and had a night of drunken debauchery, kissed a stranger, crawled in my door at 5am and slept till 2pm. It's not ALL bad.... I danced my arse off so that counts as exercise right??
Since then my self sabotage has kicked in full force....and I've been living on chocolate & lollies & softdrink.....which is just not like me....someone up there in my screwed up head is hitting the rebel button....you'd think at my age I'd be over that....but obviously not!
Onto other things...We finally had our appointment with the ENT for DD, and he's booked her in for grommets & a possible adnoidectomy. I didn't go the surgeon who did it last time....I took her to the Private Hospital. The ENT was gorgeous, and knew all about ED as his best mate in school had it....that was a nice surprise....mention ED and you normally get a blank look lol. But here's the shocker...she is booked in for the 18th of THIS MONTH! Fucking nearly fell off my chair!! It took over 6 months for the last op!
The ArseHat isn't happy though...of course, why would he be! When I told him, his only comment was that he couldn't afford it & that now she couldn't do swimming!!!
Fucktard!!!
The SAME man who has been quite vocal that "MONEY IS NO ISSUE WHEN IT COMES TO MY KIDS HEALTH!"
The same bloke who is back to his old drinking ways....What? $30+ a day.
The same bloke who is going Clubbing every weekend, so can't have the kids extra nights.
The same bloke who is back on drugs as well.
And the swimming comment?!?!?! WTF!!! Options...1: DD gets to go to swimming lessons once a week, she knows how to swim, it was just recreational. 2: DD stops having painful ear infections, fevers, further nose/throat problems as a result or ear issues, can ACTUALLY HEAR and participate in class properly AND learn, and stop missing school and life around her....hmmmm....You know he's right......very difficult choice....Moron!
I still have to chase up the exact cost, but it will get worked out somehow.
He fucking RILES me up! The amount of money he spent on fucking Hookers, the money he spends on the kids(bought them a Wii just for the hell of it), and everything mentioned above...How Fucking DARE he even THINK that he can't afford his half.....LET ALONE FUCKING SAY it out loud!
OK I weren't going to to do a psycho post....but well, it's out now....going to go SCREAM into my pillow or something now!
K
Yeah! Finally! Not entirely rapt with the job, and the more time that passes the worse I think the interview went, but it was an interview, so I'm happy with that. I didn't vomit, hyperventilate, swear, or say anything too stupid....so a Success! No matter what the outcome is! There have been a few jobs I've applied for lately that just seem ideal....so fingers crossed....speaking of fingers...I need to pull mine out and finish an application I'm half way through.....it's one of those tedious long and detailed pieces of shit that drive me up the wall!!!! But the job would be ideal!
I had my scan & follow up with my GP...not much to tell really....nothing is REALLY wrong...but nothing is really right either... My Gall Bladder is clear, apart from a small growth, which apparently I shouldn't worry about, and apparently shouldn't be causing my pain. There is a cyst on my kidney, which apparently is nothing to worry about, and apparently shouldn't be causing my pain either. My cholesterol is a bit off but again is apparently....well see above. My white cell count is a bit off....see above again. Some other levels are a bit off....again see above. So what is the outcome?
Keep taking the pills to help with stomach acid.
Stop drinking.
Eat healthier.
Exercise more.
Try and quit the fags.
Drink more water, less coffee.
Go back in 8 weeks and test again.
If pain continues go back sooner.
*Sigh* I feel like I've got fucking no where! So what did I do after my non-diagnosis?
I hit the town with an internet buddy that was visiting from another state and had a night of drunken debauchery, kissed a stranger, crawled in my door at 5am and slept till 2pm. It's not ALL bad.... I danced my arse off so that counts as exercise right??
Since then my self sabotage has kicked in full force....and I've been living on chocolate & lollies & softdrink.....which is just not like me....someone up there in my screwed up head is hitting the rebel button....you'd think at my age I'd be over that....but obviously not!
Onto other things...We finally had our appointment with the ENT for DD, and he's booked her in for grommets & a possible adnoidectomy. I didn't go the surgeon who did it last time....I took her to the Private Hospital. The ENT was gorgeous, and knew all about ED as his best mate in school had it....that was a nice surprise....mention ED and you normally get a blank look lol. But here's the shocker...she is booked in for the 18th of THIS MONTH! Fucking nearly fell off my chair!! It took over 6 months for the last op!
The ArseHat isn't happy though...of course, why would he be! When I told him, his only comment was that he couldn't afford it & that now she couldn't do swimming!!!
Fucktard!!!
The SAME man who has been quite vocal that "MONEY IS NO ISSUE WHEN IT COMES TO MY KIDS HEALTH!"
The same bloke who is back to his old drinking ways....What? $30+ a day.
The same bloke who is going Clubbing every weekend, so can't have the kids extra nights.
The same bloke who is back on drugs as well.
And the swimming comment?!?!?! WTF!!! Options...1: DD gets to go to swimming lessons once a week, she knows how to swim, it was just recreational. 2: DD stops having painful ear infections, fevers, further nose/throat problems as a result or ear issues, can ACTUALLY HEAR and participate in class properly AND learn, and stop missing school and life around her....hmmmm....You know he's right......very difficult choice....Moron!
I still have to chase up the exact cost, but it will get worked out somehow.
He fucking RILES me up! The amount of money he spent on fucking Hookers, the money he spends on the kids(bought them a Wii just for the hell of it), and everything mentioned above...How Fucking DARE he even THINK that he can't afford his half.....LET ALONE FUCKING SAY it out loud!
OK I weren't going to to do a psycho post....but well, it's out now....going to go SCREAM into my pillow or something now!
K
11 May 2008
Happy Mothers Day...Pfft!
Next year I am going to waive my *right* to have my children on Mothers Day.
Next Year I am going to do whatever *I* want.
It all started at midnight, I was all warm and cozy in bed, drifting off to pleasant dreams. In that twilight zone, where you can still hear things around you but really don't give 2 shits what they are....unless you have to.
So I hear the pitter-patter of (not so)tiny feet.
must be J off to the loo I sleepily surmise.
I hear a bit of a thud
I'm sure I left a light on, he's just half asleep....
Then I hear the tinkling of him doing his business
Ahhh he found the loo....
Then the tinkling gets louder
Surely I can't hear all that from the loo....
Then I realise the tinkling isn't hitting water....it sounds like it's very close, and against a hard surface.
WTF!
I sit bolt upright, and listen some more.
There is NO WAY that is coming from the toilet....What is going on?
I stagger out of bed, and pull open my door, and step out into the fully-lit hallway, squinting against the brightness....
AND FIND MY SON STANDING AT THE OTHER END OF THE HALLWAY PISSING ON THE FUCKING FLOOR!!!!!
After picking my jaw up off the floor, I ask him what he is doing?
He glances up at me and says "What are YOU doing?"
All the while he IS STILL PISSING ALL OVER THE FLOOR. But I've distracted him so now he is pissing up the FUCKING WALLS AS WELL!!!
I ask him several more times...."J!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Eventually I get a response.
The cackling laugh of a fucking psychotic Hyena!!! And he DOESN'T STOP. HE doesn't stop laughing AND he doesn't stop pissing all over the fucking place!
Eventually, after what felt like a fucking hour, he stops, shakes & pulls his pants up.
Then he looks at me and says "What am I doing?"
Fucked if I know!
Like Father Like Fucking Son is all I know!
Then I had to send him to get the mop in his dazed state. I was stranded on one side of the hallway....the only way I could get to the laundry, kitchen, living areas of the house was to walk through a fucking river of urine, and well....FUCK THAT! He may be my son, but FUCK THAT!
Finally I mopped the mess up and sent him off to bed. And MADE him say Happy Mothers Day before doing so, and warning him that he now had a LOT to make up for!
I get up this morning to crappy presents.
The AH gave the kids $10 each to spend at the Mothers Day stall at school.
J spent $3 and pocketed the change.
E spent more and gave her change to J.
There were 2 chocolates in one of the gifts, yep 2 generic pink foil heart shaped chocolates.
But I've been HOUNDED all morning for them.
They want to eat them, Why do *I* get to eat them.
COS IT'S MOTHERS DAY, NOT FUCKING KIDS DAY.
They've been hounding me all fucking day!
I'm hungry.
I want chocolate.
I want biscuits.
Make me lunch.
Make me a drink.
Lets go out somewhere special.
Okay, says I, we will go somewhere.
I wanna go to the movies.
I wanna go bowling.
Well I don't.
WAHHH not fair...yadayadayada!
SILENCE!
So now I think we'll just stay home all day so they can suffer!
And they WILL be cleaning their bedrooms at the very least.
Ungrateful little turds!
E has just stormed off and slammed her door cos apparently I suck! She still wants my fucking chocolate!
Next year I'm having Mothers Day off!
As it should be.
I hope all the other mums out there are having a fabulous day & are getting spoilt rotten!
K
Next Year I am going to do whatever *I* want.
It all started at midnight, I was all warm and cozy in bed, drifting off to pleasant dreams. In that twilight zone, where you can still hear things around you but really don't give 2 shits what they are....unless you have to.
So I hear the pitter-patter of (not so)tiny feet.
must be J off to the loo I sleepily surmise.
I hear a bit of a thud
I'm sure I left a light on, he's just half asleep....
Then I hear the tinkling of him doing his business
Ahhh he found the loo....
Then the tinkling gets louder
Surely I can't hear all that from the loo....
Then I realise the tinkling isn't hitting water....it sounds like it's very close, and against a hard surface.
WTF!
I sit bolt upright, and listen some more.
There is NO WAY that is coming from the toilet....What is going on?
I stagger out of bed, and pull open my door, and step out into the fully-lit hallway, squinting against the brightness....
AND FIND MY SON STANDING AT THE OTHER END OF THE HALLWAY PISSING ON THE FUCKING FLOOR!!!!!
After picking my jaw up off the floor, I ask him what he is doing?
He glances up at me and says "What are YOU doing?"
All the while he IS STILL PISSING ALL OVER THE FLOOR. But I've distracted him so now he is pissing up the FUCKING WALLS AS WELL!!!
I ask him several more times...."J!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Eventually I get a response.
The cackling laugh of a fucking psychotic Hyena!!! And he DOESN'T STOP. HE doesn't stop laughing AND he doesn't stop pissing all over the fucking place!
Eventually, after what felt like a fucking hour, he stops, shakes & pulls his pants up.
Then he looks at me and says "What am I doing?"
Fucked if I know!
Like Father Like Fucking Son is all I know!
Then I had to send him to get the mop in his dazed state. I was stranded on one side of the hallway....the only way I could get to the laundry, kitchen, living areas of the house was to walk through a fucking river of urine, and well....FUCK THAT! He may be my son, but FUCK THAT!
Finally I mopped the mess up and sent him off to bed. And MADE him say Happy Mothers Day before doing so, and warning him that he now had a LOT to make up for!
I get up this morning to crappy presents.
The AH gave the kids $10 each to spend at the Mothers Day stall at school.
J spent $3 and pocketed the change.
E spent more and gave her change to J.
There were 2 chocolates in one of the gifts, yep 2 generic pink foil heart shaped chocolates.
But I've been HOUNDED all morning for them.
They want to eat them, Why do *I* get to eat them.
COS IT'S MOTHERS DAY, NOT FUCKING KIDS DAY.
They've been hounding me all fucking day!
I'm hungry.
I want chocolate.
I want biscuits.
Make me lunch.
Make me a drink.
Lets go out somewhere special.
Okay, says I, we will go somewhere.
I wanna go to the movies.
I wanna go bowling.
Well I don't.
WAHHH not fair...yadayadayada!
SILENCE!
So now I think we'll just stay home all day so they can suffer!
And they WILL be cleaning their bedrooms at the very least.
Ungrateful little turds!
E has just stormed off and slammed her door cos apparently I suck! She still wants my fucking chocolate!
Next year I'm having Mothers Day off!
As it should be.
I hope all the other mums out there are having a fabulous day & are getting spoilt rotten!
K
**Edited to add this beautiful letter from DD**
It says " I am out sid beacase I can not do enifing fun. J has had fun why kunt I do enifing fun. Sorry. Me"
Now I am planning on sending her a letter back, asking why can't I do anything fun? It's Mothers Day! GET OVER IT QUICKLY!
But first I have to stop laughing & refrain myself from using HER spelling of *can't* ROFLMAO!!!!
Oh and for those without kiddies it says in laymens terms: "I am outside, because I can not do anything fun. J has had fun why can't I do anything fun. Sorry Me."
K
09 May 2008
I hate rollercoasters!
The last few weeks I've been all over the place, and I can't seem to put my finger on WHY.
I've had the lowest of lows.
With anxiety, I have been unable to sit still in the house, pacing the rooms but doing nothing, except check my pulse, try and breath normally, and look in the mirror. Yes. I am a freak. What is your name?
I have been literally forcing myself out the door, but nothing is pleasurable, once again it is all about whether people notice I'm losing the plot. When I shake so much that I can't stand. Too much to even sit. People MUST notice surely....and then the cycle begins....and I just get worse & worse.
And then....as it always does....EVENTUALLY...I'm OK! I'm not great, but I'm OK.
Then the exhaustion hits. Usually with depression right on it's tail.
With Depression.....well I don't know WHY this is getting so bad. I am so used to it now. I get suicidal and I know it will pass, so I just try and sleep, or huddle myself up safe in a corner with the mantra "This too shall pass". I feel the tears welling up over anything and everything, ready to break the floodgate....and I just cannot stop it....and I don't know why. I just want it to stop. Again I keep on with my mantra....and it Does pass....but at the moment it is coming back all too frequently for my liking. Disagreements with the AH that just do my head in....and I feel like he still has control over me.
Then there's my "crazies", when I feel like I am one small step from being tipped right over the edge. One small step till I actually DO run down the street naked, screaming profanities at the neighbours & they DO call the men in white coats to come and take me away forever! When I get so overcome at the supermarket, that the elevator music they play is deafening, and everyone is looking at me, and the lights really hurt my eyes and I want to be ANYWHERE BUT in my own body.
Yeah Welcome to ME!
But I've had some really good times too.
Moshing out with the kids to MB20.
Having coffee with them & just laughing, and enjoying their silliness.
Gorgeous Hugs & Kisses that just melt my heart.
Feeling as though I am finally getting on with life after THE AH.
Chatting to people....maybe even forming friendships.
Weeding the garden at dusk.
Getting along with AH.
I just want some Normalness, and if that isn't a word, well it is now!
I'm sick of not knowing how I'm gonna wake up. And sick of not knowing how I am going to be in an hour, 10 minutes, 5 minutes, fuck even 1 minute!
I'm sick of the fucking roller coaster!
And I wanna get off!
I can do all of the above, if I'm only hit with one at a time. I can do the "crazies". I can do the depression. I can do the anxiety. And I can definitely do the highs. I just cannot do the four seasons in one day.....in one hour.
I don't know if my drugs aren't working, if it's the pill, or it's life just catching up with me.
But I'm tired, and I want a break!
K
I've had the lowest of lows.
With anxiety, I have been unable to sit still in the house, pacing the rooms but doing nothing, except check my pulse, try and breath normally, and look in the mirror. Yes. I am a freak. What is your name?
I have been literally forcing myself out the door, but nothing is pleasurable, once again it is all about whether people notice I'm losing the plot. When I shake so much that I can't stand. Too much to even sit. People MUST notice surely....and then the cycle begins....and I just get worse & worse.
And then....as it always does....EVENTUALLY...I'm OK! I'm not great, but I'm OK.
Then the exhaustion hits. Usually with depression right on it's tail.
With Depression.....well I don't know WHY this is getting so bad. I am so used to it now. I get suicidal and I know it will pass, so I just try and sleep, or huddle myself up safe in a corner with the mantra "This too shall pass". I feel the tears welling up over anything and everything, ready to break the floodgate....and I just cannot stop it....and I don't know why. I just want it to stop. Again I keep on with my mantra....and it Does pass....but at the moment it is coming back all too frequently for my liking. Disagreements with the AH that just do my head in....and I feel like he still has control over me.
Then there's my "crazies", when I feel like I am one small step from being tipped right over the edge. One small step till I actually DO run down the street naked, screaming profanities at the neighbours & they DO call the men in white coats to come and take me away forever! When I get so overcome at the supermarket, that the elevator music they play is deafening, and everyone is looking at me, and the lights really hurt my eyes and I want to be ANYWHERE BUT in my own body.
Yeah Welcome to ME!
But I've had some really good times too.
Moshing out with the kids to MB20.
Having coffee with them & just laughing, and enjoying their silliness.
Gorgeous Hugs & Kisses that just melt my heart.
Feeling as though I am finally getting on with life after THE AH.
Chatting to people....maybe even forming friendships.
Weeding the garden at dusk.
Getting along with AH.
I just want some Normalness, and if that isn't a word, well it is now!
I'm sick of not knowing how I'm gonna wake up. And sick of not knowing how I am going to be in an hour, 10 minutes, 5 minutes, fuck even 1 minute!
I'm sick of the fucking roller coaster!
And I wanna get off!
I can do all of the above, if I'm only hit with one at a time. I can do the "crazies". I can do the depression. I can do the anxiety. And I can definitely do the highs. I just cannot do the four seasons in one day.....in one hour.
I don't know if my drugs aren't working, if it's the pill, or it's life just catching up with me.
But I'm tired, and I want a break!
K
26 March 2008
Hangover from Hell!
I AM NEVER EATING CHOCOLATE AGAIN!
Give me wine, beer, Baileys (mmmm Baileys...), ANYTHING...I will drink fucking Rocket Fuel and enjoy the aftermath more!
Give me drugs....legal, illegal.....mixed with battery acid & 5 spice....it has got to be better!
I have felt like absolute crap for the past few days, have been skulling water like it's liquid gold.
Honestly! I didn't eat that much! But that is ALL I can attribute it to...the FUCKING chocolate!
I just want to spew, shit, cry, scream and rip my own limbs off!
The Farking White Wabbit has some answering to do!
Firstly....he fucking trashedthe joint! There was a white powdery substance EVERYWHERE, then after the kids demolished the place looking for eggs, there was teensy eensy bits of coloured foil all over the place, and brown smears all over the floors. Which I am honestly not sure if it was Bunneh Shit, Kid Shit or chocolate egg that just didn't quite make it in the mouth fast enough!
Secondly...my kids have been feral! I tried to get them eat it all in one day, to be over and done with....but Noooooo! I still have a FRIDGE.FUCKING.FULL.TO.THE.BRIM. WITH. CHOCOLATE!!!!
Thirdly...I was feeling the effects of chocolate overload, on SUNDAY, but kept being tempted! (Remember the Fridge, and I haven't mentioned the rest!) I HAVEN'T EATEN THAT MUCH...but it screws with me! Seeing it in the shops since christmas has made me eat it constantly! As in a little bit a day! But it's too much! Today I feel a little better, and I haven't had any...Proof enough! But it has STILL taken over my brain! I stand in the checkout queue and see alllll that chocolatey goodness, and WANT TO BUY IT! HELLO WOMAN, REMEMBER YOUR HOUSE IS ALMOST MADE OF THE SHIT!
I AM OVER CHOCOLATE!
And I STILL haven't opened the Fererro Rochers...hmmmmmm......If you had an AH, and that AH gave you your fave chockies, Would you eat them?
I'm not game.....
Yet!
Plus chocolate is still EVIL!
Give me wine, beer, Baileys (mmmm Baileys...), ANYTHING...I will drink fucking Rocket Fuel and enjoy the aftermath more!
Give me drugs....legal, illegal.....mixed with battery acid & 5 spice....it has got to be better!
I have felt like absolute crap for the past few days, have been skulling water like it's liquid gold.
Honestly! I didn't eat that much! But that is ALL I can attribute it to...the FUCKING chocolate!
I just want to spew, shit, cry, scream and rip my own limbs off!
The Farking White Wabbit has some answering to do!
Firstly....he fucking trashedthe joint! There was a white powdery substance EVERYWHERE, then after the kids demolished the place looking for eggs, there was teensy eensy bits of coloured foil all over the place, and brown smears all over the floors. Which I am honestly not sure if it was Bunneh Shit, Kid Shit or chocolate egg that just didn't quite make it in the mouth fast enough!
Secondly...my kids have been feral! I tried to get them eat it all in one day, to be over and done with....but Noooooo! I still have a FRIDGE.FUCKING.FULL.TO.THE.BRIM. WITH. CHOCOLATE!!!!
Thirdly...I was feeling the effects of chocolate overload, on SUNDAY, but kept being tempted! (Remember the Fridge, and I haven't mentioned the rest!) I HAVEN'T EATEN THAT MUCH...but it screws with me! Seeing it in the shops since christmas has made me eat it constantly! As in a little bit a day! But it's too much! Today I feel a little better, and I haven't had any...Proof enough! But it has STILL taken over my brain! I stand in the checkout queue and see alllll that chocolatey goodness, and WANT TO BUY IT! HELLO WOMAN, REMEMBER YOUR HOUSE IS ALMOST MADE OF THE SHIT!
I AM OVER CHOCOLATE!
And I STILL haven't opened the Fererro Rochers...hmmmmmm......If you had an AH, and that AH gave you your fave chockies, Would you eat them?
I'm not game.....
Yet!
Plus chocolate is still EVIL!
14 March 2008
OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD!
I just got a phone call.
It was the AH.
me: "Hello"
AH: "WHAT the FUCK happened to YOU today?"
me: "Excuse me?" thinking... thinking...we agreed I'd drop their stuff off at 5.30pm I am SURE! What?.....
AH: "Why didn't you pick the fucking kids up from school?"
Me: "WHAT!!!!! YOU were supposed to pick them up" *OH!MY!FUCKING!GOD! They were left at school, PANIC!*
AH: "I NEVER pick them up on Fridays, I pick them up on Wednesday's! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK THEM UP"
*OH MY GOD!*
Me: "Where are they? Are they OK?"
AH: "They are here, my dad picked them up, they called him"
*Why the fuck didn't they call me or the AH??*
AH: "BLAH BLAH BLAH...." Sorry he was ranting something, but I kind of went blank at that stage...
Me: "It is your day, we agreed in mediation that on your days you pick them up from school"
AH: "BULLSHIT! I NEVER PICK THEM UP ON FRIDAYS!"
Me: "WE have it in writing! I texted you TODAY asking what time you wanted me to drop their stuff off?"
AH: "YOU TEXTED ME ASKING THE TIME TO DROP THE KIDS OFF...RANT RANT RANT"
Me: "No I didn't, check your phone"
AH started ranting raving denying blaming cursing yadayadayada......ho hum!
Me: "Look it doesn't matter, are the kids OK?"
AH: ".........well....yes"
Me: "OK well that's what matters, it was obviously a miscommunication, no need to blame anyone."
AH: "I'm coming to get their stuff, they want to get changed"
Me: "I can still drop it off....."
AH: "OH FUCK, DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!"
Me: "Don't need to be nasty, I don't mind either way"
AH: "I'LL COME AND GET IT NOW!" beep, beep, beep, beep.... OK I guess you will....
So he came. I gave the kids a HUGE hug, and said sorry that dad & I got mixed up. He was very surly. They grabbed their gear, E announced she wasn't gonna sing tonight (Karaoke school disco), so I didn't need to come.
I went outside, and tried to speak to him, but he just carried on like a flipping child, throwing blame anywhere but on himself as usual....... Like I would not pick the kids up if I was supposed to?!?! HELLO MORON! Does that FUCKING tiny wee little lonely grey cell in your fat head not compute!!!!! The air must whip through your ear canals like a fucking hurricane that prevents you from hearing any rational fucking thought....IDIOT!!
OM.MY.GOD!
The kids seemed OK. A little quiet. Probably more from the arsehats attitude than anything else. Their school is fantastic, and I am sure they would have taken really good care of them.
I am still perplexed. Apparently they rang home, but I was out. They have my mobile number though & they didn't call that. I'll have to chase that up. They called the AH's mobile apparently, but he never answers. So they rang the next on the list, my FIL & thank god they were home.
Now I'm not into playing his games with him......but you, my lovelies, is another story.
This is what backs up MY reasonings!
#1:Our agreement states...
'Weekends will be divided in the form:- Fri after school until Sat 7.00pm and from then until 7.00pm Sunday.'
**Now that doesn't specifically say whomever has them does the school pick up, but the last time he did a Friday,(and the only one he's done SINCE the mediation), he picked them up, and the other night he has them states 'The children will continue to spend Wednesday nights with their father who will collect them from school and return them to school the next morning.' Plus it was talked about in mediation, that when he had them he would be responsible for pick-ups (and anything else that crops up) on the days he had them.
So, I assumed, he was picking them up. Obviously I was wrong!
#2: Our communication today.
**He agreed to text or email, even if it just meant receiving them and arranging a time to call to nut out the bits & pieces. He is shocking at replying. Today I chose to text. Cos it was early and he tends to respond to text more often. He now says "NO MORE TEXTS! It's like deciphering a code, EMAIL ONLY" ~ From the man that thinks email is evil!
Here is our communication today.
Me : "Hi. Do the kids need anything specific packed? Whats best time to drop stuff off?"
AH : " No. Drop them at 6"
Me: "That's wot time it starts isn't it." referring to the disco here, as I had passed related info onto him
AH: "Make it 5.30 then"
AH: "Swimmers & towles too" yes that is his typo *snigger*
**Now, he did use the term 'them'....but I used the term 'stuff'....we were married for over 7 years, I would hope he knows that I would not refer to my kids as STUFF. Maybe I should have picked up on this....but I was in lala land that HE was picking the kids up from school. AS ARRANGED. AS HAD BEEN DONE SINCE WE NUTTED OUT THE BITS & PIECES IN MEDIATION.
But of course it is ALL MY FAULT.
I feel awful.
But at the same time, I don't feel I was in the wrong. I don't even think he was entirely in the wrong. I don't think he would leave the kids to fester at school any more than I would. But I do wish he would grow up, stop trying to cover his arse, apportion blame to everyone BUT him, and finally just get on with things.
AND stick to what was agreed upon!
OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD!
MY KIDS WERE LEFT STRANDED AT SCHOOL!
Going to get a stiff drink now
K xx
It was the AH.
me: "Hello"
AH: "WHAT the FUCK happened to YOU today?"
me: "Excuse me?" thinking... thinking...we agreed I'd drop their stuff off at 5.30pm I am SURE! What?.....
AH: "Why didn't you pick the fucking kids up from school?"
Me: "WHAT!!!!! YOU were supposed to pick them up" *OH!MY!FUCKING!GOD! They were left at school, PANIC!*
AH: "I NEVER pick them up on Fridays, I pick them up on Wednesday's! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK THEM UP"
*OH MY GOD!*
Me: "Where are they? Are they OK?"
AH: "They are here, my dad picked them up, they called him"
*Why the fuck didn't they call me or the AH??*
AH: "BLAH BLAH BLAH...." Sorry he was ranting something, but I kind of went blank at that stage...
Me: "It is your day, we agreed in mediation that on your days you pick them up from school"
AH: "BULLSHIT! I NEVER PICK THEM UP ON FRIDAYS!"
Me: "WE have it in writing! I texted you TODAY asking what time you wanted me to drop their stuff off?"
AH: "YOU TEXTED ME ASKING THE TIME TO DROP THE KIDS OFF...RANT RANT RANT"
Me: "No I didn't, check your phone"
AH started ranting raving denying blaming cursing yadayadayada......ho hum!
Me: "Look it doesn't matter, are the kids OK?"
AH: ".........well....yes"
Me: "OK well that's what matters, it was obviously a miscommunication, no need to blame anyone."
AH: "I'm coming to get their stuff, they want to get changed"
Me: "I can still drop it off....."
AH: "OH FUCK, DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!"
Me: "Don't need to be nasty, I don't mind either way"
AH: "I'LL COME AND GET IT NOW!" beep, beep, beep, beep.... OK I guess you will....
So he came. I gave the kids a HUGE hug, and said sorry that dad & I got mixed up. He was very surly. They grabbed their gear, E announced she wasn't gonna sing tonight (Karaoke school disco), so I didn't need to come.
I went outside, and tried to speak to him, but he just carried on like a flipping child, throwing blame anywhere but on himself as usual....... Like I would not pick the kids up if I was supposed to?!?! HELLO MORON! Does that FUCKING tiny wee little lonely grey cell in your fat head not compute!!!!! The air must whip through your ear canals like a fucking hurricane that prevents you from hearing any rational fucking thought....IDIOT!!
OM.MY.GOD!
The kids seemed OK. A little quiet. Probably more from the arsehats attitude than anything else. Their school is fantastic, and I am sure they would have taken really good care of them.
I am still perplexed. Apparently they rang home, but I was out. They have my mobile number though & they didn't call that. I'll have to chase that up. They called the AH's mobile apparently, but he never answers. So they rang the next on the list, my FIL & thank god they were home.
Now I'm not into playing his games with him......but you, my lovelies, is another story.
This is what backs up MY reasonings!
#1:Our agreement states...
'Weekends will be divided in the form:- Fri after school until Sat 7.00pm and from then until 7.00pm Sunday.'
**Now that doesn't specifically say whomever has them does the school pick up, but the last time he did a Friday,(and the only one he's done SINCE the mediation), he picked them up, and the other night he has them states 'The children will continue to spend Wednesday nights with their father who will collect them from school and return them to school the next morning.' Plus it was talked about in mediation, that when he had them he would be responsible for pick-ups (and anything else that crops up) on the days he had them.
So, I assumed, he was picking them up. Obviously I was wrong!
#2: Our communication today.
**He agreed to text or email, even if it just meant receiving them and arranging a time to call to nut out the bits & pieces. He is shocking at replying. Today I chose to text. Cos it was early and he tends to respond to text more often. He now says "NO MORE TEXTS! It's like deciphering a code, EMAIL ONLY" ~ From the man that thinks email is evil!
Here is our communication today.
Me : "Hi. Do the kids need anything specific packed? Whats best time to drop stuff off?"
AH : " No. Drop them at 6"
Me: "That's wot time it starts isn't it." referring to the disco here, as I had passed related info onto him
AH: "Make it 5.30 then"
AH: "Swimmers & towles too" yes that is his typo *snigger*
**Now, he did use the term 'them'....but I used the term 'stuff'....we were married for over 7 years, I would hope he knows that I would not refer to my kids as STUFF. Maybe I should have picked up on this....but I was in lala land that HE was picking the kids up from school. AS ARRANGED. AS HAD BEEN DONE SINCE WE NUTTED OUT THE BITS & PIECES IN MEDIATION.
But of course it is ALL MY FAULT.
I feel awful.
But at the same time, I don't feel I was in the wrong. I don't even think he was entirely in the wrong. I don't think he would leave the kids to fester at school any more than I would. But I do wish he would grow up, stop trying to cover his arse, apportion blame to everyone BUT him, and finally just get on with things.
AND stick to what was agreed upon!
OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD!
MY KIDS WERE LEFT STRANDED AT SCHOOL!
Going to get a stiff drink now
K xx
17 January 2008
AH SPEW!
We don't speak!
He makes me sick!
He tries to speak & I just get the shits!
He rang tonight to say goodnight to the kids, as per usual, but this time he asked to speak to me afterwards *shudder* I HATE THAT!
I had emailed him to sort out kidstuff, to halt his control issues regarding drop offs & pick ups, and expected a reply, got none, so I texted him stating I assumed he agreed due to no reply, and nominating my 'dinner day' with the kids. He has had them a lot since our return to Sydney and has them for the week, next week, & I wanted a dinner before they were gone for that long.
Anyhoo, he gets on the phone, and for a fucking change is quite amicable, so we organise the next few days, a few alterations with him backing off a bit for a change.
THEN HE STARTS FUCKING CRYING!!!!! CRYING!!!!! OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD.THE.MAN.OF.NO.EMOTION!!!!!
BRING OUT THE VIOLINS!
He has it soooo hard, living at his parents, yadayadayada, because when DS was sick & DD got upset cos she had to come home early and his mum....his mum....as usual the story cut short & I never found out what the fuck he was on about there. Just like when he rang on the eve of my mum starting chemo, whilst I was away, throwing around accusations about me & my XBIL! "How dare I? I can't tell his sister! He shoulda known!" Pfft, I STILL don't know what the fuck he was on....or on about! And he still won't tell me! I did plead....I told him not only I, but my entire family, would like to know what I'd done.....NOTHING! Only silence....the rare silence I get.
Then about work....and his pay....and how fucking HARD life is....some things NEVER change!
Then the classic..
Do I ever sit alone at night and wonder why he did what he did?
Yes I sit many nights moaning about him & what a loss I have endured & and how he has hurt me to my core & how I will never recover & how it was all my fault & how I could have done things differently....
NOT!
Easy answer buddy..."So you could get your dick wet?"
Yes but "WHY????"
Why doesn't matter mate, you did it! FULL STOP! END OF STORY!
Then he started the dribble of all I had done wrong!
Uuuum I was going through the fucking toughest year (more actually) of my life with agoraphobia, whilst you were out FUCKING prostitutes and paying for Viagra just so you could keep it UP!
You spent most of your time at home passed out.....was I supposed to rape you? What was there to find you attractive? Physical attractiveness left years ago....emotional attractiveness & intamacy followed shortly after.....but it was MY FAULT?!?!?!
AND....
Well.....
basically....
It does not matter anymore....you did the unforgiveable....MOVE ON ARSEHOLE!
If your life sucks....well you deserve it!
Go find a hookers shoulder to cry on.....you have no other fucking bills now, so why not!
Meanwhile I need to feed & clean the kids, so I'll see you in the morning when I drop them off at your place!
FARKING ARSEHAT!
K
He makes me sick!
He tries to speak & I just get the shits!
He rang tonight to say goodnight to the kids, as per usual, but this time he asked to speak to me afterwards *shudder* I HATE THAT!
I had emailed him to sort out kidstuff, to halt his control issues regarding drop offs & pick ups, and expected a reply, got none, so I texted him stating I assumed he agreed due to no reply, and nominating my 'dinner day' with the kids. He has had them a lot since our return to Sydney and has them for the week, next week, & I wanted a dinner before they were gone for that long.
Anyhoo, he gets on the phone, and for a fucking change is quite amicable, so we organise the next few days, a few alterations with him backing off a bit for a change.
THEN HE STARTS FUCKING CRYING!!!!! CRYING!!!!! OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD.THE.MAN.OF.NO.EMOTION!!!!!
BRING OUT THE VIOLINS!
He has it soooo hard, living at his parents, yadayadayada, because when DS was sick & DD got upset cos she had to come home early and his mum....his mum....as usual the story cut short & I never found out what the fuck he was on about there. Just like when he rang on the eve of my mum starting chemo, whilst I was away, throwing around accusations about me & my XBIL! "How dare I? I can't tell his sister! He shoulda known!" Pfft, I STILL don't know what the fuck he was on....or on about! And he still won't tell me! I did plead....I told him not only I, but my entire family, would like to know what I'd done.....NOTHING! Only silence....the rare silence I get.
Then about work....and his pay....and how fucking HARD life is....some things NEVER change!
Then the classic..
Do I ever sit alone at night and wonder why he did what he did?
Yes I sit many nights moaning about him & what a loss I have endured & and how he has hurt me to my core & how I will never recover & how it was all my fault & how I could have done things differently....
NOT!
Easy answer buddy..."So you could get your dick wet?"
Yes but "WHY????"
Why doesn't matter mate, you did it! FULL STOP! END OF STORY!
Then he started the dribble of all I had done wrong!
Uuuum I was going through the fucking toughest year (more actually) of my life with agoraphobia, whilst you were out FUCKING prostitutes and paying for Viagra just so you could keep it UP!
You spent most of your time at home passed out.....was I supposed to rape you? What was there to find you attractive? Physical attractiveness left years ago....emotional attractiveness & intamacy followed shortly after.....but it was MY FAULT?!?!?!
AND....
Well.....
basically....
It does not matter anymore....you did the unforgiveable....MOVE ON ARSEHOLE!
If your life sucks....well you deserve it!
Go find a hookers shoulder to cry on.....you have no other fucking bills now, so why not!
Meanwhile I need to feed & clean the kids, so I'll see you in the morning when I drop them off at your place!
FARKING ARSEHAT!
K
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