Fuck him & the dog he rode in on!

Yeah I know it's supposed to be horse, but dogs don't ride horses...they ride dogs!

Oh and if you haven't figured it out, this is going to be a rant! So feel free to leave at any time!

The fucking ARSEHAT is pissing me off soooo much ATM, he gets me so fucking angry I shake & just want to wring his fucking steroid enhanced fat fucker neck!

He has the kids tonight. We still exchange "stuff" because even though he has clothes there, we still need to exchange School clothing & the kids security stuff (blankies, teddies etc). On Wednesdays we don't bother with toys etc, leave that for the weekend, when we need to go to each others places anyway.

Anyhoo, I get a call at just after 6.30pm...
AH: "Hi, it's me, I need to drop down and get undies"
Me: "Oh, you don't have undies?"
AH: "No (insert smug tone) can I come down?"
Me: "Yeah of course, I'll give you a handful, I thought you had clothes and everything"
AH: "I do! but not undies!"
Me: "OK, see you soon, bye!"

I should have just said right there and then...."go buy them some fucking undies"...but I'm afraid I'm not quick on my feet like that.
Or I should have said "When will you be here?" because he has a tendency to NEVER fucking stick to a time....but I'm afraid...some lessons I am learning the slow way.....WAYYY tooo farking sloooowwwwww!

So I sit, and I wait, and I watch some TV, and have a drink, have a few ciggies...la dee dahhhh.
I remove evidence of what I was doing, nothing naughty or abnormal, just I prefer to keep my ME time to me IYKWIM. It is MY night off right???

Then it hits 7.45pm, and I'm kind of panicking, a lot annoyed, and very curious as to where he is.
And I need cig's.
He lives 10 mins away...15 max in peak hour....if you are popping in, would that not infer you are coming sooner rather than later? If you had planned on doing things PRIOR to popping over, wouldn't you give notice to the person...I dunno...like I'll be about an hour...or we have to eat dinner, have showers, THEN we will 'pop' over?? Heh, common courtesy is rare these days...maybe I am too optimistic! Especially seeing he is the most self righteous, egotistical, fucking soft cock that has ever adorned this planet earth!

So I ring both his mobiles...no answer! So I send him a text " I need to go to the shops, won't be long"

So I duck out, shops aren't far...my phone rings... I scramble and miss it, but see it was him, so I continue. Then I call both mobiles again...straight to voicemail....leave a msg...saying I missed your call but where are you and what is happening? He phones me and starts going OFF fucking this fucking that, what the fuck you going to the shops, fuck you, fuck this, fuck that.....I'm reeling...

Me: "Excuse me!...where are the kids while you are going off?"
AH:"Oh...in the next aisle" bullshit!
Me: "You rang OVER an hour ago saying you would 'pop' in"
AH: "WE HAD TO FUCKING EAT DINNER AND.." (yes, he was screaming at me)
Me: "Yeah ease up! You could have had the courtesy of telling me, I had to go to the shop, you hadn't shown up, so I had the courtesy of sending you a text, to let you know I wouldn't be far in case you decided to show up!" Fucking ARSEHAT!
AH: "Fuck, well we're at the fucking supermarket now, and I have to fucking buy them fucking undies"
Me: "Good for you" Fuck off cock sucker!
AH: "They'll call you when we get home, and we have to discuss E's lunch!"

Yeah well I just hung up then & screamed at the phone!
Then came on here!
Then the kids rang to say goodnight.
Then AH got on the phone to 'discuss' E's lunch, nice as pie of course...possibly because YET AGAIN he is swapping our days, times..to suit him!
(Yet he is telling OTHERS the opposite...but as usual I'll leave that for another post....possibly titled Stalker #2 = Double Agent)

OK I have cooled off a tad now, but now he has ruined my night, I was gung-ho into my Feng Shui stuff when he first called, then packed it away (that's my little obsession ATM).... I know I shouldn't and I guess more time will change that side of things....but I'm really pissed! If I ran out of undies....would I call him???? I don't call him for shit! Yet he deems it fine to call me for anything....maybe I need to tell him that...again! I get 2 nights off a week....he gets 5! I don't call him, if he has a problem DEAL WITH IT!


Oh and a small disclaimer: my keyboard is fucking up majorly...I thought I was typing bad the past week or so, but realised my keyboard is the issue, so if there are really bad grammar errors I apologise (knowing full well I have grammar trouble at the best of times)

I'm off to pull out my feng shui again.
K

Somethin' stinks out there!!!

Ohhh mah lordy!!!
I just walked past my daughters room, and thanked the heavens I'd already done my nightly "thank gawd they're asleep, kiss & lights out" routine, cos holy heck the stench pouring out of that room is enough to singe the hairs between your cheeks!
My wee little 6 year old angelic girl farts like a fucking elephant that has been force fed chilli's and beans for a month! And she doesn't eat either!

On other news...the stalker was back last night....just as I was drifting off into lala land....I fucking hate that! I texted back in my haze twice....then woke up enough to realise what was going on & ignored the continuing texts & 1 phone call....that continued past midnight! Sheesh! Someone forgot to post the bulletin that "Ima single mum wiff tooo kids!" and once I have my pills I don't last for more than an hour....tops!

Finally went back to the dr today...he took blood *ick*...gave me some more pills...and sent me for an ultrasound....could be gallbladder....could be pleurisy...could be supercalafragalisticexpialidotius....sigh....will keep on keeping on.....and hope some energy returns!

Tomorrow is officially my last day of the 3 week course from hell....but unofficially I have 3 days to make up....and then officially I have to continue on twice a week until someone decides they are worthy enough of having me grace their premises each day to drink coffee & surf the internet....oh and pay me handsomely just for the privilege...HA!

I pissed AH off tonight, and his plans got ruined....not my fault, but I didn't cop any abuse either, so no news there either....yes....getting VERY worried.

Think my life is getting too boring!

Kids have been thrown into turmoil again, by the AH finding his very own bach pad, feels like we're breaking up all over again....rough times....but I'm sure we'll be OK....am enjoying the extra cuddles....even if I do get screamed at for an hour before hand....

Well that'll do me for now.....off to curl up on the lounge and listen to the rain for a bit before I head off to bed....oh and drink a gallon of water.....kind of did a bit of overkill on the chocolate & ice cream tonight...oops! Can anyone say gallstones? I don't seem to have issues at night though....knock on wood ;-p Oh and still can't get over my weight loss....2 belt holes in a month!!! Crazy I tells ya! Sure it won't last with my recent sweet tooth though lol.

K

Kid free night's ramblings.......

Well another week over!
My mood of late has been a bit crazy....I'm really considering cutting back on my meds, but due to bad experiences, and bad judgement in the past I am hesitant.....I will speak to someone first, but it is playing on my mind.
I'm having crazy lows......BAD lows....not just being apathetic and hiding on the puter or curling up on the lounge.
I'm having crazy highs....like today I got all OCD on the loungeroom...then when it was sparkling I couldn't stop looking at the damn bookcase, and how it needs moving, the books need rearranging, the books need cleaning....alarm bells ringing...who? exactly *cleans* their books.... my dishes need doing but instead I scrubbed spots off the floor that are probably invisible to the naked eye.....
And my "inbetweens" aren't so great! They're my anxious times. My body isn't playing nice ATM. I'm having really bad muscle & joint aches, which sometimes have me in tears, and sometimes just leave me pondering that something is just NQR. My stomach is still wreaking it's own havoc, I find it hard to eat anything more than a piece of toast, without struggling to keep it down...drinking isn't a problem...but again if I go over a certain amount, it threatens to repeat itself.....and again pains that take my breath away. Not to mention the 'arthritis' in my knee which at the mo is waking me up every night!!! That IS PAIN people...luckily childbirth has taught me to breath through it and it only lasts a few minutes at a time.

Moving on...I am still at the "farking course from HELL "......I can bag it till the cows come home...only because my house suffers, and I could do so much more at home. But mostly the folks there are great, really, they are! And one positive I haven't mentioned I don't think, is that something FORCING me out of the house everyday is brilliant. As much as I say I WAS agoraphobic...I still am....I still struggle to leave the house most days...I still dread the drive to the 'course', I still dread walking in, finding something to say, being amongst people. But once I'm there I tend to speak freely, make acquaintances, apply for jobs, and mostly GAIN CONFIDENCE THAT I CAN SURVIVE IN REALITY! I have been petrified of getting an interview, to the point that I was WAY too picky over jobs I was applying for. Now I am applying for anything, and thinking that an interview....any interview...would be great experience if nothing else. I have expressed my anxiety to a couple of people & they have been sooo supportive, a few even gave their own stories of debilitating anxiety. I am sure I may continue to bag it, seeing I just discovered once my *3 weeks* are up, I still need to go in twice a week, and it REALLY can be frustrating/boring/mind-numbing etc etc....but if all else fails I'll start a tafe course LOL!

Other matters....let's see.....
AH still being *nice*. He was a bit short with me today, but still has me concerned.
The bloke I knew through AH has been stalking me again. I told him we couldn't have anymore contact as long as it was kept a 'secret'.......all had to be laid out or STOP CALLING ME! But he keeps texting & phoning....I ignore both, hoping he will soon get the message! But it stops for a week or so then I get bombarded with "R U there" "R U OK" "Can I call" and my favourite "R U on" ....lol on what? He's drug-fucked...so what can I say.
Oh speaking of drug fucked...there is this guy at a local shop who I thought was quite cute, he was nice and all, but our conversations rarely went past Hi, how you going? kinda stuff...and he was ALWAYS in a rush.... Today I had reason to go into deeper discussion & well, I think he is speeding or coked out of his brain LOL...I have such great taste!
Think I'd better stick to the *single* gig just a tad longer....like a decade or so!

OK I think I can safely open my bottle of red now....was a bit too eager before, at 5.30pm....need to call the kids soon so think I'm safe...off to set up the Wii and have a partay ;-p

K

My Gay Kiwi Stalker

Let me set the scene....
My good friend 'N" & I went out....her friend 'A' managed to tag along.
N is happily married, and A is someone she knows through "kid-stuff". A is divorced. A got wind that N was going out with her newly seperated friend and somehow managed to wiggle himself a spot on the night LOL
Anyhow, we hop on the train, after I convince her NOT to cach a cab to The Cross from Richmond, and we head to Parra with roadies in hand, giggling and carrying on after 5 hours at the local pub, many beers & shots of Cock Sucking Cowboys *shudder*.
There is one other lonely train traveller in our carriage, and he is obviously taking delight in our carry on, whilst chatting on his phone.
Eventually N, who is definately not backwards in coming forward, starts chatting to this lone traveller, and convinces him to ignore his plans & come to wherever we are going.
When we all first started chatting, N whispers "he's gay!"
Then he said "sex" when he meant 6!
I whispered "no! he's Kiwi"
He then announced that we weren't whispering and he was, in fact, neither!
N also decides that at Blacktown, that we can no longer deal with trains so must catch a cab.
So we cab it to Parramatta, to the pub/club we used to frequent 8 years ago....my how it has changed...just like us, it is no longer hip & happening, but a seedy little dive!
Lone Gay Kiwi was a riot!
I hadn't laughed that hard in ages!
I also hadn't danced that hard in ages, mocking all the other idiots in the place, that was until I said "look at me!" and fell flat on my face! Literally!
I'm all class I tell ya!
Anyway Lone Gay Kiwi was having a ball, as were we, so we ALL exchanged numbers.
Now I have a stalker!
He isn't Lone. He has a girlfriend.....sort of!
He isn't Gay. His explicit messages prove that.
He isn't a Kiwi. He is Scottish!
But he won't stop texting me, and calling me! He lures me with a joke, then he continues....unless he is on a date with his "kind of" girlfriend.
40 texts the next day! STALKER!!!!

It is over 2 weeks and he still contacts me.......
STALKER!

He's on a date tonight, so I should be right for a while....but NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT GIVE OUT YOUR NUMBER NO MATTER WHAT......Funny Gay Kiwis can be stalkers too!