And he's still barking!

I did fuck up though.
I accidentally packed 1 of DD's shoes & 1 of DS's Oopsies!
The phone rang at 8am, I was still in bed so didn't answer it. If it was important, whoever it was would leave a message or call my mobile right? WRONG!

My mobile rings at about 11am, I saw it was the AH...
He's pissed!
Asked where I was this morning?
I lied and said I was out, I only did this because I realised it must have been him that called & because well, it none of his fucking business!

And then he starts on about the shoes, swearing, screaming and carrying on.
I apologised and said it was a mistake on my part.
But, as per usual, he only sees the world through his eyes. From his perfect self, who does no wrong, NEVER makes a mistake Oh No, not the Supreme Being that is the Arse Hat!

He was telling me how fucked up I am, that I need to get my shit together, how I am ALWAYS forgetting something YADA YADA YADA.

So I said "Excuse me, but I am not going to sit here and allow you to carry on, Goodbye!"
And hung up!
I don't think he heard me, but that's not my problem.

What he did, faced with a shoeless child, rather than phone & leave a message, or do something 'normal' like call my mobile, I live close to the school so it would have added another 5 minutes to his trip. Or even send her to school in her normal school shoes. No, he took her to the shops, bought her new shoes, took her to school late, got to work late...AND then rings me to hurl abuse. He's such a clever man!

He tried ringing me after I hung up, I ignored it, then sent him text, telling him to remember HE isn't perfect, HE forgets things & basically to get over himself, and direct his abuse elsewhere.

He has dropped the kids stuff off. He didn't knock & I didn't go out.

But guess what?
Somebody FORGOT to pack DS footy shoes.
Hmmm wonder who that could have been. Certainly NOT the perfect specimen of Human life.

I really want to ring him and hurl abuse about it. But that's not me.
Maybe I'll send a text.
Or maybe I should go buy new footy boots then ring him and blame him.
Yep...that makes much more sense!

K

Bits & Bobs

Just a bit of a catchup today....

I cancelled DD's operation for tomorrow.

Shed a few tears....I wish money wasn't an issue.

I found out that we aren't covered for it by the Health Insurance Co, and I just don't have $1500 lying around at the moment. And that is just the hospital. Medicare will cover about $250 which doesn't even put a dent in it (I'll leave my rant about Scheduled Fees another time!).

Now I know I was ranting and raving about the AH and his issues with paying for the op, but that was when we only thought we had a gap/excess to pay, so I'm not being hypocritical (in my mind any way....if you disagree...shutup! cos I'm a hormonal bitch at the moment!). So now I am trying to weigh up what my options are. I am waiting on a quote from the surgeon, and I am trying HARD not to stress about it until I receive that.

Options for now...

1. Go see a different ENT that services the Public Hospital...the wait will be up to 8 months, only cost will be ENT's fee (about $180).
2. Wait until the money is saved to pay up front....I'm thinking about a 3 month wait, maybe less if the AH cooperates.
3. Try and get a higher credit limit & pay for it that way....this balances on whether I'd even be approved & hoping I get some back from the AH...this would mean the op could go ahead probably within a month.
4. Wait the 6 months until we are covered. I will have to check this though as it is classed as pre-existing, so the wait may be longer.

Now the only trouble with 1,2 & 4 is that we are heading into "sick season"....well we are in it already...and whilst DD hasn't been sick for about 3 weeks now, she is getting a cold, and going on past history this means she will be back on the Merry-go-round in no time. Which means time off school, truckloads of anti-biotics & well...she'll be sick, sick isn't nice. Also, because of her ears she has a hearing problem, she is not deaf, but she has to make a real effort to hear, especially in class, she misses things in general, and comes home tired and cranky.

It is hard to not get annoyed at her, but I know there is an underlying reason, so I try my best to be understanding...but MAN she can push my buttons. And then of course DS is going through a turd phase, so I get the guilts when I pull him up on things but not her. Plus I'm sure he notices, and possibly she does too, and there is no balance and very little peace! And then my brain feels like exploding! So her being NQR effects us all in some way, shape or form...there is more, but I'm sure you get the picture.

Gah! This post was going to be a catch up on a few things, but it seems I had more to say on this matter than I thought....I still haven't had my rant about AH re the above & some other matters, the Stalker#2, my mum, my dad and other stuff....Oh well, will leave them for another post, your eyes are probably bleeding after reading this much.

But I'll leave you with a question....

What would you do out of my options above??

Or can you think of another option that I haven't?

K

**Edited to add: How's this for timing, the ENT surgeon just rang to tell me his costs. He's just lovely, another reason I don't want to go Public (The public ENT was an arse hat!), he alo told me to check out the ATO website as I may be able to claim on tax, as well as medicare, looks like the housework will have to wait, I have more research to do!

More useless dribble...

I've been sick...yes, again....I would normally say I NEVER get sick, but the last few months have proven me wrong, so I won't even go there.
I've had so much time away from the puter it's not funny, well not for an addict like me, I have about 60 blogs to catch up on, no time for my regular groups therapy. No Puter is a sign I was really sick, and still am, fuck knows whats wrong really but I look like death, so everyone's telling me, and I just can't get back to right. I do feel better though, so I'll stop the whine.
The kids were sick too.
I have missed 3 days of the training from hell, due to either mine or the kids illness, which would be FINE if it was the job from hell....but NOOOO I have to do the time no matter what! So the 3 weeks is now drawn out to 3 fucking weeks, 3 fucked up days....give me strength!
DR told me to have today off today, but I stomached food, so went in, and they MADE me do a FUCKING MOCK interview....IN! FRONT! OF! EVERYONE!....Shit like that makes me want to vomit & run at the best of times...but seeing my stomach is shredded & enjoys vomiting any which way it likes at the moment I WAS NOT HAPPY!
I got through it, and they were very kind.....me practically begging not to have to do it must have won me some sympathy votes...ARSEHOLES!

Other than that I've been an awesome mum!
Sunday I didn't leave the lounge (except to vomit & pee) but I still managed to teach my son how to defrost bread in the microwave & make a sandwich. Taught my daughter how to pour a drink. They managed to scale the neighbours fence without me to lift them. Taught my son how to run a shower for himself & his sister without burning either one of them! See I rock! Teaching them valuable life skills!

I did make the error of calling the AH when I was vomiting blood...my intention was for him to stay with the kids whilst I got myself to a dr....well best intentions and all that!
He's being TOO nice at the moment, and it has me concerned!

But on a good note, He finally picked up all his SHIT on Monday....and today...and well there's a couple of things here still....but most of it's gone.. who am I kidding...I don't think it will ever be gone ...yeah 'just' the BBQ still...hmmmm....

Oh and I am sooo going for Mother Of The Year tonight! I spent 5 hours out at "work" (wink, wink), cooked a roast, FINISHED the dishes, did all homework, tidied the house, am cooking up some home-made chicken stock, supervised the neighbours kid.....AND did a science experiment with the kids!

Need to remember that when I have my normal nights lol!

Oh and did I mention I still hate the pill!!! It's fucking bloodweek AGAIN....ALREADY!!!! The neverending period finished about 2 weeks ago....FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FIXING? My skin is worse than ever as well!
OK it's probably not the pills fault this time, and more due to the fact my body has been choosing not to absorb anything recently....but FUCK!

Oh but I HAVEN'T gained weight! In fact, in the first time in 7 years? No...maybe 4?? I dunno...AGES... the scales have tipped UNDER 60kgs!! I would love to celebrate this but again it's not due to the pill or anything I have voluntarily done. And I feel like SHIT, so it kinda takes the shine off IYKWIM. Plus, lets be truthful....give me my old stomach back....and my old appetite, and it won't last long....

OK think the drugs are kicking in, best go check on kids & hit the hay myself *YAWN*
Enough spasticity (yes that is now a word!) from me for one night...or is it a week?

Later
K

Back on the medical merry-go-round..

Ever since E's grommets have fallen out, about 6-7 months ago, she has had constant ear infections....AGAIN!
Our weeks have gone like this...E complaining of something Not Quite Right....visit Dr "oooh yes her ears are quite red & there is a lot of fluid, here's some antibiotics, come back in a week or 2"....E's fine again, go back to Dr "yep, all clear"....a week later E complains of something Not Quite Right....visit Dr "oooh yes her ears are quite red & there is a lot of fluid, here's some antibiotics..." and well, I guess you get the picture.
In December I noticed she wasn't hearing too well. And it coincided with her ears again not feeling right....and about 1-2 weeks since her last dose of antibiotics. Seeing a pattern?
We were away, so we went to see the dr again once we returned home. This time we got a referral to get her hearing tested.
The appointment was made.
It finally came yesterday.....yep it took over 4 months just to get the test.
In between we have had the same cycle. Ear bad..take meds...ear good...finish meds...ear bad..take meds etc etc. Her hearing has come & gone....but mostly it's gone! But we waited patiently.
Test results from yesterday? She's deaf! OK not completely deaf, but she has about 50% hearing in her left ear & 60-70% in her right. It is all treatable of course but it's just the extremely long waiting game that drives me insane. The tester said she would be really struggling to hear in class, and if she's grumpy & tired from school that would be why. Well she's a right bitch after school! She has been struggling in class. Emotionally mostly, she's very clever. I had put most of it down to her dad & I separating.

Now once again I am fraught with feelings of inadequacy as a parent. Why didn't I put 2 and 2 together? J had the same issues...his hearing was worse...but he's had no problems since the grommets...or has he?

They both have speech issues that I don't even hear? The tester asked me how her speech was, I said fine...then she noted a lisp! What lisp? That's not a lisp, that's just E.
I know she has some small issues...like trouble with "Th" saying it "f"...but I did that as a kid! Plus with her ED and her lack of teeth, the spacing, size etc....I guess I put down any small differences to that!

So now I want to get J's hearing tested too...just to be sure....as it has been pointed out to me that he still speaks like he has adenoid problems...which were fixed nearly 2 years ago.....and as I am a bad mother, I don't notice and need these things pointed out!

AS far as E goes we are back on the merry-go-round. She is back on antibiotics, because her ears are infected again. And I called 5 ENT's and the earliest I can get in is June 6th.

Then What?

More Grommets?

I HATE having my kids put under....:-(...I sooo don't want to do that again! It was AWFUL! But at the same time why does the process take so fucking long! It's a joke! Once I finally get into the ENT it could take months again for the op....I think we waited 7 months last time...and we pushed it!

So in the meantime, we keep pumping in the antibiotics, which I hate, tell her teacher to speak in her right ear & sit her up the front of the class, and hope the child doesn't get any MORE screwed up & miserable!

K

OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD!

I just got a phone call.
It was the AH.
me: "Hello"
AH: "WHAT the FUCK happened to YOU today?"
me: "Excuse me?" thinking... thinking...we agreed I'd drop their stuff off at 5.30pm I am SURE! What?.....
AH: "Why didn't you pick the fucking kids up from school?"
Me: "WHAT!!!!! YOU were supposed to pick them up" *OH!MY!FUCKING!GOD! They were left at school, PANIC!*
AH: "I NEVER pick them up on Fridays, I pick them up on Wednesday's! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PICK THEM UP"
*OH MY GOD!*
Me: "Where are they? Are they OK?"
AH: "They are here, my dad picked them up, they called him"
*Why the fuck didn't they call me or the AH??*
AH: "BLAH BLAH BLAH...." Sorry he was ranting something, but I kind of went blank at that stage...
Me: "It is your day, we agreed in mediation that on your days you pick them up from school"
AH: "BULLSHIT! I NEVER PICK THEM UP ON FRIDAYS!"
Me: "WE have it in writing! I texted you TODAY asking what time you wanted me to drop their stuff off?"
AH: "YOU TEXTED ME ASKING THE TIME TO DROP THE KIDS OFF...RANT RANT RANT"
Me: "No I didn't, check your phone"
AH started ranting raving denying blaming cursing yadayadayada......ho hum!
Me: "Look it doesn't matter, are the kids OK?"
AH: ".........well....yes"
Me: "OK well that's what matters, it was obviously a miscommunication, no need to blame anyone."
AH: "I'm coming to get their stuff, they want to get changed"
Me: "I can still drop it off....."
AH: "OH FUCK, DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!"
Me: "Don't need to be nasty, I don't mind either way"
AH: "I'LL COME AND GET IT NOW!" beep, beep, beep, beep.... OK I guess you will....

So he came. I gave the kids a HUGE hug, and said sorry that dad & I got mixed up. He was very surly. They grabbed their gear, E announced she wasn't gonna sing tonight (Karaoke school disco), so I didn't need to come.

I went outside, and tried to speak to him, but he just carried on like a flipping child, throwing blame anywhere but on himself as usual....... Like I would not pick the kids up if I was supposed to?!?! HELLO MORON! Does that FUCKING tiny wee little lonely grey cell in your fat head not compute!!!!! The air must whip through your ear canals like a fucking hurricane that prevents you from hearing any rational fucking thought....IDIOT!!

OM.MY.GOD!

The kids seemed OK. A little quiet. Probably more from the arsehats attitude than anything else. Their school is fantastic, and I am sure they would have taken really good care of them.
I am still perplexed. Apparently they rang home, but I was out. They have my mobile number though & they didn't call that. I'll have to chase that up. They called the AH's mobile apparently, but he never answers. So they rang the next on the list, my FIL & thank god they were home.

Now I'm not into playing his games with him......but you, my lovelies, is another story.
This is what backs up MY reasonings!

#1:Our agreement states...
'Weekends will be divided in the form:- Fri after school until Sat 7.00pm and from then until 7.00pm Sunday.'

**Now that doesn't specifically say whomever has them does the school pick up, but the last time he did a Friday,(and the only one he's done SINCE the mediation), he picked them up, and the other night he has them states 'The children will continue to spend Wednesday nights with their father who will collect them from school and return them to school the next morning.' Plus it was talked about in mediation, that when he had them he would be responsible for pick-ups (and anything else that crops up) on the days he had them.
So, I assumed, he was picking them up. Obviously I was wrong!

#2: Our communication today.
**He agreed to text or email, even if it just meant receiving them and arranging a time to call to nut out the bits & pieces. He is shocking at replying. Today I chose to text. Cos it was early and he tends to respond to text more often. He now says "NO MORE TEXTS! It's like deciphering a code, EMAIL ONLY" ~ From the man that thinks email is evil!

Here is our communication today.
Me : "Hi. Do the kids need anything specific packed? Whats best time to drop stuff off?"
AH : " No. Drop them at 6"
Me: "That's wot time it starts isn't it." referring to the disco here, as I had passed related info onto him
AH: "Make it 5.30 then"
AH: "Swimmers & towles too" yes that is his typo *snigger*

**Now, he did use the term 'them'....but I used the term 'stuff'....we were married for over 7 years, I would hope he knows that I would not refer to my kids as STUFF. Maybe I should have picked up on this....but I was in lala land that HE was picking the kids up from school. AS ARRANGED. AS HAD BEEN DONE SINCE WE NUTTED OUT THE BITS & PIECES IN MEDIATION.

But of course it is ALL MY FAULT.
I feel awful.
But at the same time, I don't feel I was in the wrong. I don't even think he was entirely in the wrong. I don't think he would leave the kids to fester at school any more than I would. But I do wish he would grow up, stop trying to cover his arse, apportion blame to everyone BUT him, and finally just get on with things.

AND stick to what was agreed upon!

OH.MY.FUCKING.GOD!
MY KIDS WERE LEFT STRANDED AT SCHOOL!

Going to get a stiff drink now

K xx

Who'd have smart kids????

My motherly muck-ups are too numerous too mention.....
At this stage in their growth & development they happen all too frequently.....especially with DS...he's such a nosey bugger....
I remember a few times where I found him 'reading' things....things I wrote in my diary, things on notepads, over my shoulder on the internet.......I forgot the little blighter could read now, and it took me a while to realise and take precautions. I am more careful.
But this morning made me realise just how careful I have to be....with everything....he is too switched on.
I am a MAD Matchbox 20/Rob Thomas fan (chose concert tickets over my childrens education..... well kinda lol), and they have a song called *ALL YOUR REASONS*, I would link but not sure about copyright. Anyhoo, this has been my ANTHEM to the AH.
On the way to school this AM, my phone rang, and as it was in my bag, on the back seat, DS grabbed it, and it started with this song, which the kids know & love, lol. We missed the call with all the scrambling, but I said to the kids "Oh don't worry, it was dad returning E's call, we'll speak to him tonight"
DS pipes up "How do you know it was dad?"
ME : 'Oh cos I put that song on for when dad calls"
DS: 'Oh....why?"
ME: "ummmm just so I know when it's your dad, not someone else"
DS: " Oh, I know......you & dad broke up so you don't want to hear all his reasons"
ME : GULP! maybe I should change ring tones "Ummm no, I just like that song"
DS: (singing)" What you got, I don't need it, I can't listen, to all your reasons..."
"No....it's because you don't want to listen to him, isn't it?"
ME: " So what have you got happening in school today?"

Time to change my ringtone I think!

I have heard you can get "oinks", do you think he'd figure that out?
LOL

K