We finally had our mediation today.
My anxiety was wreaking havoc, and I was shaking like a leaf the first hour, and then intermittently thoughout the proceedings, when something touched a nerve. But I stood my ground, did not excuse myself, and managed to get across most of the points I wanted to make.
I REALLY wanted us to start doing alternate weekends, but I didn't get it :-( But it will start once the AH gets his own place. He made a fuss on how hard it was at his parents, which I do understand, but still, it's hard to plan trips to see friends and family when I only have a day to play with. These can be negotiated though, with 'his' nights made up during the week.....so we'll see how we go.
Most other things got sorted & it's all written down. We have the opportunity to formalise it, through the courts, but I think we'll play it by ear for now, hopefully we won't have to go down that route.
One of our 'agreements' with regard to the weekends was setting set times for changeover, and for each of us to have equal weekend time. So now it goes Friday school pick up until 7pm Saturday ~changeover ~ until 7pm Sunday. Which was a lot better than what I was getting before, where he would pick them up lunch Saturday & have them till whenever he felt like bringing them back on Sunday. It basically made my chance of doing weekend stuff with them impossible. It also gave a set time so it was clear who was providing dinner. Then we rotate who gets the Friday night & who gets the Saturday night. That sounds fucking complicated, bit it's not really.
He also has them every Wednesday night....and I stipulated that it should be his responsibility to pick the kids up then......that went down like a fucking Lead Balloon....but it was agreed upon. (Previously I was picking them up at 3.15pm from School racing them home, feeding & dressing them, ready for him to pick them up at 4pm ~ maybe I'm pedantic, but I think Co-parenting means all the mundane stuff as well as the fun IYKWIM)
He also admitted to feeding them crap all the time, claimed it wasn't his fault, it was his mums (re/lollies, softdrink etc) I told him to grow some balls. But then he came back and said they have to eat takeaway because he can't expect his mum to cook all their meals..... WTF MORON!!! YOU cook you idiot! You managed whilst I was pregnant, you can do a BBQ, you have access to a kitchen.......what will be your excuse once you are in your place? That mummy isn't there to cook for you.....FUCKING GROW UP!
I'm soooo exhausted.....I feel like I was pulled apart & slapped back together again, and someone put my brain in my arse by accident!
We spoke briefly outside the mediation about the furniture he wants.....no worries.....I just wish he'd take all his other CRAP! There is still clothes in the cupboard, not to mention his fucking Biographies on Mass murderers, and boxing & Miami Vice DVD collections, and fucking Mike Tyson pictures.....I'll miss them like a hole in the head!
We also arranged that he'd have the kids tonight rather than Wednesday as he is going away for work tomorrow, he said he's email me the time he's pick them up. I emailed asking when he was due back, and whether he wanted Friday or Saturday night this week. His response was that he was busy at work (no worries) so would pick them up at 5pm tonight. And that he gets back Saturday, and he would pick them up at 3-4pm & drop them home Sunday at 6pm!!!! WTF We just sorted this in mediation!!!!
I email him back, stating what we had just agreed to in mediation ~ NO RESPONSE! This is something that was also brought up in mediation, his lack of response to my emails/messages....
When he picked the kids up I asked if he got my email, he says no.... I sent it at 3.30pm....he'd been working until 4.45????? WHY or yet another lie & power play?
I wanted to punch him in the head, but instead I just said
"Well I guess you will read it in the morning and can respond then?"
FUCKING CONTROLLING LYING PIECE OF SHIT I WISH YOU A GANGRENOUS DICK!
Oh but I did get a roaring good laugh at the end of mediation, although I did try to contain myself.
Just as we were leaving he said that he "Wanted forewarning, when (my) boyfriend....I mean....future partner moves in with" me......LOL....He is soooo convinced I have a new boyfriend....well he was convinced that when I was in the grips of full blown agoraphobia, and couldn't check my own letterbox, that I was having an affair, so it's not that surprising. I just said, shaking my head, that I feel that goes both ways..... Then we shook hands with the moderators, and walked out, then my phone beeps....and it was the "Stalker".....I tried to stifle my laughter, but the look on his face was PRICELESS!
I can only guess as he was standing behind me that he probably saw the message, which said...
"I'll see you at 6.30pm sexy"
**Thought I should add a quick disclaimer....Stalker is NOT my boyfriend in any way, shape or form....he is just hopeful (and hasn't got a chance BTW)....and playful....and sends me random texts, or we chat occassionally (not normally in this context), which have no substance just friendly-like you know, just the timing on this one was incredibley funny. And NO! I was not seeing him at 6.30pm!