....I FUCKING HATE HIM!
Until now I didn't feel hate....but I do now!
Fucking arsehole wants to be here xmas morning....*let* me have them for a few hours and then have them all afternoon and evening!!!! With HIS family....whilst I sit here and fucking rot!
Arsehole!!!!
I can't reply to his email yet as I'll just go ballistic!
I hope his dick falls off & he rots in hell!
29 November 2007
26 November 2007
My old friend insanity whispered in my ear...
I found the Viagra on Thursday 1/11/07
I found the cold hard evidence on Friday 2/11/07
I didn't expect finding it to be so easy. I honestly thought I'd be searching for months...at least weeks....but it was easy....and had actually been staring me in the face for over a year. I really believe I weren't MEANT to find it until now. A year ago I was a mess. I was housebound from the agoraphobia, and was struggling to keep my head afloat, I was in the worst depression, and was in no state to do ANYTHING if I had known the truth.
Those 10 days, from when I found out, but he had no idea, to the day he left for his work trip, are all a bit of a blur. I rememeber my anxiety was sky-high....I remember realising I hadn't left the house for days, except for school runs, which were getting harder & harder...I realised I HAD to leave the house. I FORCED myself to go shopping...it was awful....like the early days, but I knew it was something I had to do. I was in regular contact with 2 of my sisters, and my best buddy. It eventually got easier.
I remember driving somewhere at one stage, and I literally thought I had lost my mind! I was just driving aimlessly, no idea where I was going or what I was doing, I was at the brink....I was going to somehow drive to Westmead Psych unit and admit myself. I didn't though. But it crossed my mind a few more times.
Those first few days I was desperate for him not to know what I knew, and my efforts resulted in us having discussions like we hadn't in years. They were great talks....the very thing I've craved in our sorry marriage....but they were FAKE! I even felt sorry for him a few times....but mostly I was sad & angry.... my sister thought I was developing Tourettes(sp?) syndrome...as every time he spoke to me I would SCREAM "HOOKER" in my head, and quite often I would reel back..."Fuck did I say that out loud?" LOL
My anxiety did me in a few times....I would cope with the day quite well, but the thought of him coming home did my head in! And then when he was here, I found it increasingly difficult to play happy families. I opted for easy meals & take away, which meant I didn't have to sit across a table from him, I could barely stomach any food anyway! I burnt or ruined nearlly every meal I did manage to cook too....lol
I lost 5kgs!
He was supposed to leave on Tuesday 13th, but he left on Monday....Holy Fuck was I relieved! I didn't care why? I just knew every day he was there with me knowing and him having no idea, but *maybe* finding out...was sending me closer & closer to the edge!
I went out for Melbourne Cup....which resulted in me not being spoken to for near a week, because Joe's cousins, aunties sisters, nieces, best friends dad's uncles mother said that a 50 year old guy said that I looked like a famous swimmer!!! Yeah...great logic in that one!
(I had a great day though....despite not being picked up by a 50yr old...and it did me the world of good!)
WE fought BIG before he left...and I often brought up..."are you hiding anything?" "How long since you've had sex?"....without actually saying I KNEW anything.......and I've never claimed he was the brightest of the species....but he was clueless....but still denied everything, and repeatedly told me HE was innocent of all wrong doing!
FUCKWIT!
I mean there is DUMB & DUMBER....but where the fuck does he come in......Patrick?
See Spongebob squarepants if you don't understand. ROFL
And if you have a dumber reference...please let me know....Cos whatever braincells the man has left is sure to be sucked up my his next drink....or shot out with his next hit of Viagra with a twist of HOOKER!
Note to others....If you have a panic attack in the limo as it's pulling up to the church for your wedding...take it as a SIGN!
K
I found the cold hard evidence on Friday 2/11/07
I didn't expect finding it to be so easy. I honestly thought I'd be searching for months...at least weeks....but it was easy....and had actually been staring me in the face for over a year. I really believe I weren't MEANT to find it until now. A year ago I was a mess. I was housebound from the agoraphobia, and was struggling to keep my head afloat, I was in the worst depression, and was in no state to do ANYTHING if I had known the truth.
Those 10 days, from when I found out, but he had no idea, to the day he left for his work trip, are all a bit of a blur. I rememeber my anxiety was sky-high....I remember realising I hadn't left the house for days, except for school runs, which were getting harder & harder...I realised I HAD to leave the house. I FORCED myself to go shopping...it was awful....like the early days, but I knew it was something I had to do. I was in regular contact with 2 of my sisters, and my best buddy. It eventually got easier.
I remember driving somewhere at one stage, and I literally thought I had lost my mind! I was just driving aimlessly, no idea where I was going or what I was doing, I was at the brink....I was going to somehow drive to Westmead Psych unit and admit myself. I didn't though. But it crossed my mind a few more times.
Those first few days I was desperate for him not to know what I knew, and my efforts resulted in us having discussions like we hadn't in years. They were great talks....the very thing I've craved in our sorry marriage....but they were FAKE! I even felt sorry for him a few times....but mostly I was sad & angry.... my sister thought I was developing Tourettes(sp?) syndrome...as every time he spoke to me I would SCREAM "HOOKER" in my head, and quite often I would reel back..."Fuck did I say that out loud?" LOL
My anxiety did me in a few times....I would cope with the day quite well, but the thought of him coming home did my head in! And then when he was here, I found it increasingly difficult to play happy families. I opted for easy meals & take away, which meant I didn't have to sit across a table from him, I could barely stomach any food anyway! I burnt or ruined nearlly every meal I did manage to cook too....lol
I lost 5kgs!
He was supposed to leave on Tuesday 13th, but he left on Monday....Holy Fuck was I relieved! I didn't care why? I just knew every day he was there with me knowing and him having no idea, but *maybe* finding out...was sending me closer & closer to the edge!
I went out for Melbourne Cup....which resulted in me not being spoken to for near a week, because Joe's cousins, aunties sisters, nieces, best friends dad's uncles mother said that a 50 year old guy said that I looked like a famous swimmer!!! Yeah...great logic in that one!
(I had a great day though....despite not being picked up by a 50yr old...and it did me the world of good!)
WE fought BIG before he left...and I often brought up..."are you hiding anything?" "How long since you've had sex?"....without actually saying I KNEW anything.......and I've never claimed he was the brightest of the species....but he was clueless....but still denied everything, and repeatedly told me HE was innocent of all wrong doing!
FUCKWIT!
I mean there is DUMB & DUMBER....but where the fuck does he come in......Patrick?
See Spongebob squarepants if you don't understand. ROFL
And if you have a dumber reference...please let me know....Cos whatever braincells the man has left is sure to be sucked up my his next drink....or shot out with his next hit of Viagra with a twist of HOOKER!
Note to others....If you have a panic attack in the limo as it's pulling up to the church for your wedding...take it as a SIGN!
K
22 November 2007
The whole sorry story......
Well I am officially seperated, and a single mum wiff 2 kids......
On the 1st November DickHead went to work as per usual but left his laptop bag behind. His laptop was at work so he obviously didn't miss it. I decided to have a gander to see if his "secret credit card" statements were in there....Racking up $3000.00 a quarter on what???? But what did I find?? Yes I found some reminders from the secret credit card, but no statements...sigh...then I felt something in an area that didn't seem to have a pocket...ooooh a hidden pocket....ooooh VIAGRA!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! The last time we were "together" was February...yes we have a truckload of issues....the prescription date was August 17....hmmmmm....3 out of 4 were gone....hmmmmmmm!
I ring my sister, shaking like a leaf....she says "Fred doesn't have the emotional maturity to carry on an affair" Good Point!
I don my detectives hat....I probably shouldn't say exactly what I did to find out....but BOY DID I FIND OUT! THE ARSE HAT HAS BEEN FUCKING HOOKERS FOR OVER A YEAR!!!! And who knows what else...or for how long....my records are limited. And what FUCK-KNOB BUYS VIAGRA TO FUCK A HOOKER!!!!! yeah a LOSER!!!!
As my psych said....he could have saved himself a mint on viagra if he'd stopped the 1 + bottle/s of scotch a day!!!! Fucking Moron!
I didn't know what to do or how to do it, so I said nothing! My previous attempts at leaving the marriage were met by threats, aggression & intimidation....I had to have a plan!
So we played happy family's, we ate too much "easy" food & take away, as the thought of sharing a table with him made me physically ill. We even went out to lunch with the kids at a pub, and he was wondering why my anxiety was sky-high. Every time he tried to kiss me, my skin crawled, and I had a mini-chuck! He even suggested we have sex (full blown vomiting that night I tell ya *shudder*). My 'moment' came though. He was going away for a whole week for work....a whole week! Hallejulah! I need a plan.
I had Homer Simpson moments...where I thought I had said out loud what I thought LOL that was funny.........
I spent my days organising who I had to speak to, making phone calls, gathering evidence, gathering support & spending as little time alone with him as possible! We had a huge fight the night before he left and I was soooooo tempted to just blurt it all out, instead it went like this...mid-fight...can't remember what started it....
F: "We haven't had sex in months, you won't even sleep in the same bed"
Me: "I wonder why" (Fat slob alcho selfish fuckwit)
F: " because I stink & I snore?"
Me: "Yep and you reek of alcohol" (ahhhh HOOKER!!!! arsehat!)
F: "We haven't had sex in 10 months!!!"
Me: "You haven't had sex in 10 months?" (FUCKING DISEASE RIDDEN MONKEY ARSE)
F: "Well 9....maybe 8...."
Me: "So YOU are telling me YOU haven't had sex in 8 months?" (SCUMSUCKING GUTTER SNAKE)
F: "Yeah well....8 or 9"
Me: *quietly* "Not 2 or 3" (Hope your fucking DICK falls off numbskull)
F: "What....3??? No what are you talking about?"
Me: " Why all the secrecy and paranoia lately?" (Should I cut your balls off with a blunt rusty knife first....or start with circumcision?)
F: "What are you talking about, we discussed this it's nothing"
Me: "So you've got nothing to hide?" (HOOKER!!!!)
F: "No, don't be silly"
Me: "So you can promise me that you are hiding NOTHING?" (HOOKERHOOKERHOOKERHOOKER)
F: "Yeah I promise...nothing"
Me: "OK fine" (FUCKWIT! You have fucked with me for the LAST time........hmmmm circumcision would be best.....nail clippers or the kids blunt craft scissors....decisions...decisions...HOOKER...ARSEHAT! )
:-D Bugger..... Arsehat now makes me smile....Damn you Kelly!
To be continued.....
On the 1st November DickHead went to work as per usual but left his laptop bag behind. His laptop was at work so he obviously didn't miss it. I decided to have a gander to see if his "secret credit card" statements were in there....Racking up $3000.00 a quarter on what???? But what did I find?? Yes I found some reminders from the secret credit card, but no statements...sigh...then I felt something in an area that didn't seem to have a pocket...ooooh a hidden pocket....ooooh VIAGRA!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! The last time we were "together" was February...yes we have a truckload of issues....the prescription date was August 17....hmmmmm....3 out of 4 were gone....hmmmmmmm!
I ring my sister, shaking like a leaf....she says "Fred doesn't have the emotional maturity to carry on an affair" Good Point!
I don my detectives hat....I probably shouldn't say exactly what I did to find out....but BOY DID I FIND OUT! THE ARSE HAT HAS BEEN FUCKING HOOKERS FOR OVER A YEAR!!!! And who knows what else...or for how long....my records are limited. And what FUCK-KNOB BUYS VIAGRA TO FUCK A HOOKER!!!!! yeah a LOSER!!!!
As my psych said....he could have saved himself a mint on viagra if he'd stopped the 1 + bottle/s of scotch a day!!!! Fucking Moron!
I didn't know what to do or how to do it, so I said nothing! My previous attempts at leaving the marriage were met by threats, aggression & intimidation....I had to have a plan!
So we played happy family's, we ate too much "easy" food & take away, as the thought of sharing a table with him made me physically ill. We even went out to lunch with the kids at a pub, and he was wondering why my anxiety was sky-high. Every time he tried to kiss me, my skin crawled, and I had a mini-chuck! He even suggested we have sex (full blown vomiting that night I tell ya *shudder*). My 'moment' came though. He was going away for a whole week for work....a whole week! Hallejulah! I need a plan.
I had Homer Simpson moments...where I thought I had said out loud what I thought LOL that was funny.........
I spent my days organising who I had to speak to, making phone calls, gathering evidence, gathering support & spending as little time alone with him as possible! We had a huge fight the night before he left and I was soooooo tempted to just blurt it all out, instead it went like this...mid-fight...can't remember what started it....
F: "We haven't had sex in months, you won't even sleep in the same bed"
Me: "I wonder why" (Fat slob alcho selfish fuckwit)
F: " because I stink & I snore?"
Me: "Yep and you reek of alcohol" (ahhhh HOOKER!!!! arsehat!)
F: "We haven't had sex in 10 months!!!"
Me: "You haven't had sex in 10 months?" (FUCKING DISEASE RIDDEN MONKEY ARSE)
F: "Well 9....maybe 8...."
Me: "So YOU are telling me YOU haven't had sex in 8 months?" (SCUMSUCKING GUTTER SNAKE)
F: "Yeah well....8 or 9"
Me: *quietly* "Not 2 or 3" (Hope your fucking DICK falls off numbskull)
F: "What....3??? No what are you talking about?"
Me: " Why all the secrecy and paranoia lately?" (Should I cut your balls off with a blunt rusty knife first....or start with circumcision?)
F: "What are you talking about, we discussed this it's nothing"
Me: "So you've got nothing to hide?" (HOOKER!!!!)
F: "No, don't be silly"
Me: "So you can promise me that you are hiding NOTHING?" (HOOKERHOOKERHOOKERHOOKER)
F: "Yeah I promise...nothing"
Me: "OK fine" (FUCKWIT! You have fucked with me for the LAST time........hmmmm circumcision would be best.....nail clippers or the kids blunt craft scissors....decisions...decisions...HOOKER...ARSEHAT! )
:-D Bugger..... Arsehat now makes me smile....Damn you Kelly!
To be continued.....
12 November 2007
DH = DICKHEAD
Been AWOL lately....
Heaps of shit has been happening, I am married to a fucking arsehole, and it has taken ALL my strength just to get through each day sane....I'm still hanging on, but things are likely to get worse before they get better!
I would write more detail, but I seem to have a reader, and I'm paranoid it's HIM. I doubt it....but I have to think of every possibility!
I'm on the home stretch now.....well the home stretch of this phase!
Give me strength and patience to get through this nightmare!
Did I mention DH is a fucking arsehole? If not...he is!
He is away for work ATM, thank god!
K
Heaps of shit has been happening, I am married to a fucking arsehole, and it has taken ALL my strength just to get through each day sane....I'm still hanging on, but things are likely to get worse before they get better!
I would write more detail, but I seem to have a reader, and I'm paranoid it's HIM. I doubt it....but I have to think of every possibility!
I'm on the home stretch now.....well the home stretch of this phase!
Give me strength and patience to get through this nightmare!
Did I mention DH is a fucking arsehole? If not...he is!
He is away for work ATM, thank god!
K
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
